***"This could be the end of everything***
***So why don't we go***
***Somewhere only we know?"*** *\- Keane*
***Alissa Blake***
Of all the emotions I experienced the day I decided to visit my parents, I never thought fear would be the predominant one. My feet were on the ground, yet I felt as though I were in another realm, floating while life passed before my eyes.
The flight attendant was kind enough, leading me to my seat and ignoring how pale I must have looked. I hate flying; I’m so terrified I freeze up. But there, in that cold seat by the window, I was afraid of everything that awaited me.
Being back in that house was like living a nightmare, and I felt foolish for putting myself in this situation again. But what could I do? I gave up everything I had for that little girl. I left Holden.
I know he thought I gave up on us, but he never gave me the time to explain.
I gripped the armrest tightly, my fingers tingling. A part of me wondered if this was just fear of flying or if it was the anticipation of what was to come. Returning to Mapleville. Seeing my parents. Facing the pain I’d spent years trying to bury.
I kept seeing Holden’s face beside Chloe’s, smiling in the middle of a lie that he didn’t seem like the type of person who would willingly be part of. We’d been apart for so long—was he the person I thought he was?
Giving in shouldn’t have been this easy, but still, I hoped he’d be happy.
I wanted to be brave. I wanted this trip to be simpler. But nothing felt simple now. The turbulence, which had started as a slight jolt, soon intensified, and my breathing became shallow. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the seatbelt sign and the restless murmurs of the passengers.
And, without meaning to, I thought of him.
Holden.
Everything always came back to him, and I felt like a prisoner to my feelings.
A moment. Just a flash of a distant time. I was fifteen, and he was all excited because he was going to Orlando with his parents. It was so cute, and that memory calmed me. It was his first time flying, but it felt like he did it every day. So confident, just like he always was.
“There’s nothing to it, Ali,” he’d said, with that lazy, charming smile that made everything seem easy. “It’s like a bus, only in the clouds.”
Of course, I laughed at the time, thinking it was all an exaggeration. But now, gripping the seatbelt and trying to breathe, I wished he were here beside me, with his infuriating calm and impossible sense of humor.
When the turbulence ended, the monotony returned. The silence was almost too calm, if not for the hum of the plane’s engine. Even so, the mental exhaustion won out as the nervousness faded enough for sleep to take over.
When I woke up, the plane was already landing. That saved me some time for more conspiracy theories while I argued with myself. I’d arrived in Mapleville, and it felt like time had stopped. The town looked like it came out of an old postcard: quiet streets, houses with well-maintained gardens. Well, the few that remained, and hadn’t been torn down to build Denver Young’s factories.
His parents practically founded the town, and he managed to turn it into his private amusement park. But it still had its charm.
I always found it funny how Holden and I ended up in the same place. Boston had always been a dream for me, and if I didn’t think too much of it, I’d believe he’d kept that piece of information on purpose, just to find me. But I never asked, because talking about the past still caused me more pain than happiness.
It felt like another world like life here could never be as complicated as ours had been.
But I knew that was an illusion.
I passed through the small airport, which hardly deserved the title, and headed toward the main street. My heart tightened as I recognized the shops and cafés, which looked the same as when I was a teenager. The same worn-out sign for the local pharmacy, the same newsstand with yellowing magazines.
I asked the taxi driver to take me down Winston Avenue, where the old school was. I didn’t want to go, but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to see it.
The building hadn’t changed at all, with its red brick walls and large windows. I closed my eyes for a moment, seeing flashes of the time we walked those halls. Holden always drew attention, but he made sure to turn to me, to include me.
I stood there, staring at the school until the driver asked if I wanted him to stop. I shook my head and told him to keep going.
When the car finally turned onto the street where I grew up, my body froze. It was like being thrown back in time, but with a darker filter. The houses were the same, but now everything seemed smaller. Or maybe it was me who had grown and was less impressionable now.
The lawn in front of my parents' house was neatly trimmed, the blinds were open, and there were flowers in the windows. Everything looked so... normal.
And at the same time, wrong.
I asked the driver to stop at the corner. I wasn’t ready to get any closer. Not yet.
I got out of the car and stood still, staring at the house. The past seemed to invade me without asking for permission, and I couldn’t handle the nostalgia that felt almost like it was touching my skin. I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself. The journey to get here had been difficult enough. Now, I just needed to take the next step.
And face whatever was waiting for me on the other side of that door.