CHAPTER 017
«JARVIS’S POINT OF VIEW»
“Brother! Brother!”
The high-pitched voice of a nine-year-old boy echoed through the house as his tiny legs ran inside with full urgency, ignoring his parents in his path. He sprinted toward the stairs, calling for his brother, when a thirteen-year-old boy came rushing down, his face painted with fright.
“Jarvis, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” He scrambled down the stairs, instantly reaching his little brother.
The younger one immediately held up his hand. The older’s eyes landed on the small cut on his thumb, slightly bleeding. He gasped, eyes widening as he grabbed Jarvis’s wrist and pulled him to the kitchen, washing the blood off in the sink.
“Does it hurt?” he asked, glancing at his little brother, who didn’t tear his gaze away for a second, staring with those genuine, righteous grey orbs, completely clueless.
Jarvis beamed. “It used to, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. Your touch made the hurt go away.”
The older one giggled and helped him onto the counter. Their mother walked in with a small first-aid box, handing it over to Levi, knowing Jarvis wouldn’t let her attend to him without wailing, and she didn’t want that.
“How did you get hurt, kiddo?” Levi asked, opening the box.
Jarvis gaped, his attention cemented on Levi’s face. He stared without blinking, afraid Levi would disappear if he looked away. He snapped back to reality only when Levi snapped his fingers in front of him.
“There must be something on my face if you felt no pain when I applied the cream to your injury,” Levi teased.
Jarvis glanced down, his mouth forming an O as he realized his finger had already been patched. He grinned widely, leaning down to place a kiss on his brother’s cheek. “Thank you, Levi.”
Levi froze for a moment before chuckling and brushing a finger against the tip of Jarvis’s nose. “You’re cute.”
«END OF FLASHBACK»
I instantly wiped the teardrop that slipped down my cheek. Why did that memory come back all of a sudden? Why did these memories still haunt me?
I turned on the tap and splashed water on my face in the bathroom sink. I stared at my reflection. The bags under my eyes had become evident, and the exhaustion etched on my face was undeniable.
Why me? Why did it have to be me? Why couldn’t I live a normal life like every other person? I scoffed at the thought of being normal. I was always the oddball. I could never be normal—not after the inexpiable depravity I had committed.
No normal person found their elder brother so glamorous that they had wet dreams about him.
At first, I thought it was just brotherly love. But as I grew older and more attached, I realized it wasn’t just affection anymore. The feelings inside me ran deeper than I could admit. By fifteen, I understood—I was in love with Levi. I loved him more than a brother.
I remembered vomiting into the toilet when the realization hit me. To make matters worse, he was there, patting my back, asking if I was okay, and taking care of me as a brother would, while my mind reeled with confusion.
I was disgusted with myself. I feared he would hate me. I feared he would leave if he ever found out. With that thought in mind, I created distance between us. He noticed but chose not to comment. The gap grew wider with each passing day. When I finally went to college, I thought it would be over if I didn’t see him anymore—but my feelings worsened, as did my health.
I thought sleeping around and drinking would help me forget, but nothing worked. If anything, it made things worse. I realized I had no cure. Levi was my only cure, but he was the forbidden fruit in my garden. So near, yet so far away. I let out a dry cough, my throat burning.
“Jarvis?! Are you alright in there? We’ve been waiting for you!”
I quickly wiped my face and hands before heading to the door, meeting my mother, Mrs. Viviana. Her brown eyes stared at me worriedly as she cupped my face.
“Oh my… I haven’t seen you in a month, and you already look so pale and skinny. Are you not eating? Not sleeping?”
I would probably be disowned if I told her I had always been in love with her eldest son. It would ruin our oh-so-perfect family, and I didn’t want to drag anyone else into my wrecked life. I nodded at her questions.
“I’m fine, Mom. School has been stressful.”
“That’s why I wanted you to stay here with us, but you prefer your dorm, and I didn’t want to force you.”
I understood her worry, but school was the least of my problems. “You don’t have to worry, Mom. I’ll be fine and take care of myself.” I gave her a small smile.
She gave me a funny stare. “I doubt that. Maybe you should move in with Levi—he’ll look after you best.” She shook her head, recalling something. “Your brother and his girlfriend are waiting for us in the dining room. They just arrived.” She patted my cheeks and walked away.
I stayed still for a moment before following her. My eyes were dim and gloomy as usual, my jaw clenched, knuckles tight into fists. I shadowed her to the dining room, finding my dad sitting at the edge of the table while Levi and his girlfriend sat on the right side.
I glared at the lady in a white dress, looking like an angel with her black hair and charming brown eyes. She was beautiful, and that only spiked my anger.
As if sensing my heated gaze, she lifted her head. Her brown eyes met mine before she looked away. I watched her shift uncomfortably in her seat, smiling but faltering.
“Jarvis, sit down. Don’t stare at our guest like that—it’s rude!” Mom scolded from the other edge of the table.
I went to the opposite side and sat down. My eyes instantly met Levi’s, and my breath hitched at how breathtaking he was. I caught a peek of his clean chest beneath the white shirt, left unbuttoned at the top. Strands of hair fell on his forehead. My gaze trailed down to his Adam’s apple and watched it jerk as he swallowed, my throat tightening with a gulp.
I met his eyes again and felt exposed, unguarded under his gaze. He had never had trouble reading me before, and I looked away before giving away too much of what I was trying so hard to hide.