45- I am a man with honor

Do you want to bet how much optimism I have? Makeup, clothes, and a toothpaste commercial smile are not indicators that I have moved on with my life. Maybe in my work I find passion and a longing to help and serve others. But I think that without Paola, I am truly walking in the wrong direction, I can't help but look back and see her walking away, and something inside me tells me that it shouldn't be like this. We should be walking together. Because Paola loves me and I love her. Have you never been in love? Damn, I hate talking about these things.

I have been married for thirty-seven years, Anastasia, I understand what you're talking about. Why do you detest talking about destiny? You're in love, it's natural to believe in destiny when you love someone.

Because I don't even understand it myself, I don't understand what I lost with her that hurts me so much. The doctor searched for another cigarette in her purse.

Anastasia, the loves that could never be are formless emptiness, full of lost illusions, spilled innocence. That makes our soul age a little and lose innocence in a certain way.

Have I lost my innocence?

You have splinters in the place where there used to be love, now there is only bitterness, and that prevents you from being able to receive love again with the same excitement as the first time. It will never be the same, you won't be able to experience anything else like what you had with Paola. However, it seems to me that you still retain that innate freshness, quite pure and innocent, to put it that way. You are romantic and genuine, at least when you talk about Paola, and saving that is what we have to work on. Let me explain… happiness will always come with another look, alongside another person. But in a corner of your heart and memory, there will always be that emptiness, which is what is called eternal emptiness. That's why you don't understand why you suddenly think of her. Many people never experience this when they end a relationship, maybe during the first few months, but after years they finally forget about that person and no longer remember them, because they don't conceive of those voids in their minds that have settled in you. Only when they evoke the memory do they think of past love, and that's not your case.

Will I be able to stop having that unconscious emptiness and only think of her when I want to remember her?

Anastasia, you have to understand something. When you love someone, that person will never leave you, that's why Paola has become a part of who you are. You have channeled your love for her from your feelings, and because of that, you are a different person from who you used to be. You would stop loving a part of yourself if you were to stop loving her. Of course, you will think of her, and it is something private, you don't have to explain your feelings. You just have to make sure that those feelings make you happy. Now, if there is a wound, something that hurts you when you remember her, then I can help you with that. I don't plan on taking away her memory or the memories you have of her, that is impossible for me and also something that no psychoanalyst would do. Some use hypnosis to erase traumatic memories, and they even use it as therapy to overcome heartbreak. Do you want to bet how much optimism I have? Makeup, clothes, and a toothpaste commercial smile are not indicators that I have moved on with my life. Maybe in my work I find passion and a longing to help and serve others. But I think that without Paola, I am truly walking in the wrong direction, I can't help but look back and see her walking away, and something inside me tells me that it shouldn't be like this. We should be walking together. Because Paola loves me and I love her. Have you never been in love? Damn, I hate talking about these things.

I have been married for thirty-seven years, Anastasia, I understand what you're talking about. Why do you detest talking about destiny? You're in love, it's natural to believe in destiny when you love someone.

Because I don't even understand it myself, I don't understand what I lost with her that hurts me so much. The doctor searched for another cigarette in her purse.

Anastasia, the loves that could never be are formless emptiness, full of lost illusions, spilled innocence. That makes our soul age a little and lose innocence in a certain way.

Have I lost my innocence?

You have splinters in the place where there used to be love, now there is only bitterness, and that prevents you from being able to receive love again with the same excitement as the first time. It will never be the same, you won't be able to experience anything else like what you had with Paola. However, it seems to me that you still retain that innate freshness, quite pure and innocent, to put it that way. You are romantic and genuine, at least when you talk about Paola, and saving that is what we have to work on. Let me explain… happiness will always come with another look, alongside another person. But in a corner of your heart and memory, there will always be that emptiness, which is what is called eternal emptiness. That's why you don't understand why you suddenly think of her. Many people never experience this when they end a relationship, maybe during the first few months, but after years they finally forget about that person and no longer remember them, because they don't conceive of those voids in their minds that have settled in you. Only when they evoke the memory do they think of past love, and that's not your case.

Will I be able to stop having that unconscious emptiness and only think of her when I want to remember her?