CHAPTER TWENTY
The next morning, I'm quiet. Head down and not talking to anyone unless I absolutely cannot avoid it kind of quiet.
Not because of what happened, or nearly happened at the stream, or even because of the weird game Dayne appears to be playing with me, although he must think it's one of those things.
No, I'm quiet because tomorrow is my birthday.
"Talis, you want to head to the lake today?"
I glance up at Regan from my breakfast and shake my head. She's got a couple of days off work and is back at the farmhouse. Ordinarily, I'd be happy to see her, today I just don't care. About anything.
"No, thanks."
With that, I return to pushing my eggs and bacon around my plate while the rest of the pack continues their conversations, although beside me Dayne is strangely quiet.
There's no sign of Savannah this morning. I don't know if Dayne told her to stay away because of what happened yesterday, or if it was her decision.
All I know is that she had all the time in the world to tell him about my eyes going wolf since I spent most of the rest of the day hiding in mine and Dayne's room.
The toast is burnt, and if Regan hadn't taken over the eggs, I doubt anything would have survived being cremated as well. Not that I would know what anything tastes like since I haven't lifted my fork to my mouth even once.
Finally, I grab my plate and shove my chair back. "I have to go."
Although I feel Dayne's gaze tracking me as I cross over to the sink where I scrape my breakfast into the bin, he doesn't try to stop me when I leave the kitchen.
Running up the stairs, I don't waste any time before I'm crawling beneath the sheets.
I've barely started silently crying when I hear the door creaking open and slam shut again.
Under the covers, I freeze before frantically swiping at the wetness on my cheeks since I know who's entered our rooms and I have no desire for Dayne to see me crying.
But after a brief pause, I hear the unmistakable sound of clothes rustling.
Listening to him undress has my anger stirring.
I doubt I did a good job of hiding that I wasn't okay. I can't imagine anyone would have seen me and thought I'd be in the mood for sex. But not, apparently, Dayne.
As I lay there, I get increasingly riled up by his selfishness and start thinking up all the ways I'll reject him. Nothing physical like kneeing him in the balls since that's just asking for trouble, but more freezing him out.
By the time I feel his weight on the bed, I've thought up the perfect way to tell him to fuck off. After throwing the sheets back, I sit up.
Only to start in surprise when I find myself confronted with the sight of a large gray wolf with silver eyes sitting on its haunches, staring at me.
Okay. So, not what I was expecting.
Not knowing what else to do, I wait to see what Dayne wants.
Even though I itch to bury my fingers in his fur, I strangle the urge.
He's a bigger, more heavily muscled wolf than Luka is for sure, but he's more beautiful and his fur looks softer.
Again, Dayne surprises me.
After rising, he moves forward a step before he lowers his head and rubs his face against my jaw.
Almost exactly as I did to him.
I don't know what it is about him doing it that has my eyes overflowing with tears that I grab at his fur, and haul him closer before burying my face against his throat.
All in a feeble attempt to hide the fact that I'm crying.
For a second Dayne freezes, though he must feel me trembling as I fight for control of myself. But then he moves even closer and lowers himself down onto the bed beside me, almost on top of me.
He's heavy.
There's no denying the fact he's heavy, but I don't care. I clutch at him with a desperation I feel to my bones as my tears soak his fur.
Once or twice I'm sure I feel the swipe of his tongue on the side of my face as if he's offering me comfort, which only makes me cry harder.
Later, much later, I wake with the sudden realization I'm no longer clutching wolf fur, but hot human skin. A bare shoulder, to be precise.
Cracking open my eyes, the first thing I see is Dayne's ice-blue eyes up close, and he's naked.
I don't know when he changed back to human, or what time it is, but with the way the sun is hitting our pillow as we lay side by side, it feels like hours have passed. It might even be time for lunch, given how empty my stomach feels.
I don't remember falling asleep, but crying does that to me sometimes, exhausts me to the point I pass out.
Distance separates me from Dayne, but he's close enough for me to feel the heat he always seems to radiate. But instead of moving closer, as I want to, I release my hold on his shoulder and pull my hand back so we're no longer touching.
It isn't often that my birthday has me bawling like a baby, but sometimes the loss of my parents, the knowledge I'm alone in the world, and the only bit of family I have in the world is a crazy alpha who hates me for reasons I've never understood, becomes too much for me to bear in silence.
On my birthday, it was always the worse. He was always the worst.
It was the day that no matter which dark corner of the forest I tried to hide from him, he always found me.
I remember every single birthday. I remember all the things he did to hurt me.
All except one.
The one I turned wolf and still three years later I have no memory of what happened. Only that it was bad enough to send my wolf crazy, so crazy I tried to kill him.
If the rest of the pack hadn't come running, I would have.
That was when I decided to lock my wolf away because looking into Uncle's eyes, I knew the next time I changed I would kill him, or most likely, he would kill me.
With the fury I still remember coursing through my veins to this day, there is no doubt in my mind that if I change I will kill someone, and no one in the Blackshaw pack deserves to die.
Not even Savannah.
"What are you thinking?"
Blinking, I bring Dayne back into focus, and for a second, I'm tempted to tell him since Uncle's cruelty isn't exactly a secret.
He was there at the moon-blessing, and he heard what I told him about Uncle pinning me to the ground with a foot on the back of my neck.
But this, telling him my wolf is a broken, crazy part of me that I can't be sure it'll ever be safe to let her out, is something else.
And as alpha, I remind myself, it's his job to put down out-of-control wolves in his pack. Even if that wolf is his Luna, and his mate.
"You're not behaving much like the cold-blooded alpha," I say, trying to distract him.
His lips quirk, drawing my gaze to their firm fullness. "They still call me that?"
"Of course, I don't think anyone's ever going to forget you-" Just in time, I come to my senses and snap my mouth shut.
I don't see how reminding the cold-blooded alpha about how he slaughtered his family is going to end well for me.
"Go on."
He doesn't sound like he's in a killing mood because I've brought it up. If anything, he sounds thoughtful, as if he's interested in hearing what I know-what I think.
I clear my throat and lower my gaze to the stubble on his chin.
It looks like he's growing his beard back, and I try not to feel inordinately pleased about the possibility he's doing it because I told him I preferred his beard at the lake.
"I don't think I should."
"What? In case I tear you limb from limb?"
My eyes fly to his face in panic at his words, but he's still looking thoughtful rather than enraged.
"Well, yes actually."
"How about I tell you about it then," he says, his gaze turning intense. "And you tell me about what chased you up here and under the covers?"
I'm moving back, creating distance between us before he's even finished speaking.
"No, thanks."
Scooting to the edge of the bed, I stand and start for the bathroom.
My eyes feel gritty, and I need a shower, I tell myself. This is not me running away from Dayne.
"You can tell me, Talis."
I stop feet from the door. "No. I can't."
And with that I retreat into the bathroom in a rush, slamming the door behind me and leaning my back against it, my heart hammering in case he follows me and demands I tell him. Because if anyone can force the truth from me, it would be Dayne.
Although I hear him climb off the bed and approach the door, he doesn't shove it open and beat the truth out of me, though he no doubt could.
"Don't stay up here all day. I expect to see you at lunch and dinner," he says, and then he's moving away from the door.
The sound of rustling telling me he's pulling clothes on, and then the firm snick of the bedroom door announces his exit.
I sag against the door in relief.