42.

Christian slept that night as before: turned to the opposite side from where I was. At first, I thought he was tired due to the events of the past two days, first his failed suicide attempt and then Marieli's lengthy childbirth that seemed never-ending. But then I came to the conclusion that Christian might be thinking about everything Suzana had said. We both knew that, in a way, Suzana was right – I would never stop being my parents' daughter; I would always be connected to them in some way. Her questions made me ponder an important question: did Christian still have the courage to hurt me? Was this the dilemma that was troubling him at that moment?

I wanted to believe that he didn't, that we had somehow left behind everything that had happened, turned that page for good, and were trying to start over in some way. I wanted this more than anything; I believed that we needed it, even with the idea of him reverting to his old ways hanging in the air like a reminder that everything could go wrong at any moment. That night, I couldn't sleep, not because of anxiety or anything like that. I no longer had severe episodes like before, which was already a great relief. Even though I was tired from the previous two days, I couldn't sleep with Suzana's words echoing in my mind. It was as if she wanted to warn me about something, to say that everything that was currently okay would soon fall apart, slipping through my fingers like sand. Just thinking about this possibility made my heart ache painfully. I didn't want to distance myself from Christian; I didn't want to be forced to stay away from him. Not anymore.

Christian woke up early the next morning, quietly getting up and going into the bathroom. It didn't take long for me to hear the shower running. Letting out a sigh, I got up and went to him, resting my head against the door as I watched him shower through the glass enclosure. Christian took a few seconds to notice me there, but when he did, he didn't show surprise; instead, he continued his shower as if nothing had happened.

- Do you need anything? - He asked after finishing his shower, grabbing the towel nearby.

I shook my head immediately.

- Is everything okay, Christian? - I decided to ask directly, as both of us hated beating around the bush to get to the point - Are we... okay? - I needed to hear from him whether we were or not. If he still had plans to get revenge on me or something of the sort. I wanted to know if everything he had done for me so far had been part of some plan. I needed him to tell me anything, anything that would calm my heart - I need to know - I insisted, while he continued drying himself off, as if he weren't really there.

- Why do you want to know? - He finally asked, his voice low but serious - Is it going to change anything? - Walking past me, he headed to the wardrobe, opening one of the doors without much ceremony and grabbing the first pieces of clothing he saw.

- You still want revenge. - Are you also going to say you shouldn't?

- No - I said immediately - I understand you, Christian. - Do you really understand, Laura? - I didn't know what was making me more apprehensive, whether it was the way Christian was talking to me or the fact that he wasn't like he was the day before. It was as if he had been kind for only a few moments and now he was showing his true self again, as if he had achieved what he wanted - Do you understand what I've been through and what I'm still going through?

- I'm sorry, Christian, for everything. - But that won't change anything - he said without hesitation, finishing putting on his shorts - Your parents will still be out there, living their mediocre lives, as if they hadn't committed a crime, and my sister will still be dead, Laura.

I swallowed hard, nervously moving my hands in front of me. I had lost count of how many times I had analyzed the whole situation, how many times I had tried to find a way to ensure justice was served or at least to ease Christian's pain. And every time, I couldn't come to any conclusions; I couldn't do anything for Christian. I felt utterly useless.

- What do you want me to do? - I heard myself ask firmly, trying to show Christian that I was willing to do anything he wanted, just to help him and put an end to all of this. I also wanted him to realize that, despite being my parents, I wasn't on their side; I knew very well that justice needed to be served one way or another. A child had died, had seen her dreams cut short, and her memory tainted by lies - What, Christian? - I insisted, looking directly at him, hoping he would give me some guidance. Anything.

Christian held my gaze without revealing what he was thinking.

- I don't want you to do anything - he finally said, his voice as cold as ice, leaving me completely lost and not understanding why he was acting this way - I just want you to stay away from me for now.

- Why? - I whined when asking, furrowing my brow and nervously moving my hands in front of me, clearly showing my nervousness.

He ran his tongue over his lower lip, avoiding eye contact and seeming to think or muster the strength to say what was on his mind.

- I need some time to decide some things, Laura - he said without changing his tone of voice, still looking at the ground - And with you around, I won't be able to think clearly.

I took two steps toward him, trying to change something that I still didn't understand about Christian, who, in the same way, moved away from me, raising his hands in front of his body and finally looking at me with sad eyes. At that moment, for some reason, I realized that I was losing him again, even though he didn't reveal what he was planning or what was going through his mind. But I wasn't willing to lose him again; I wouldn't let him go away once more without doing anything. I would fight for him.

- I want to talk to Aunt Sú - He furrowed his brow, confused, not understanding the reason behind my request.

- What?

- Can you take me to her? - I believed that, just as she had planted something in Christian's mind, she could also remove it, make him change his mind or anything at all. Something told me that Christian was considering something bad.

He let out a sigh.

- She should be at the NGO - he finally said - I can drop you off there.

I quickly got ready, taking a shower and wearing one of the few pieces of clothing I had. Christian was in the kitchen when I went to meet him again, and he didn't look directly at me as I approached. He was keeping his word, staying away from me

, and concentrating on keeping his mind clear to think better about what he needed to do. I didn't say anything more to him; I believed that everything we needed to discuss had already been said, and now I had to use my last card. Christian drove in silence for the next few minutes, his eyes fixed on the road, and only one hand on the steering wheel, as the other was resting on the window, and his index finger was on his lips.

I looked at him every now and then, hoping for even a brief moment of eye contact, but he didn't even do that. When he stopped the car a few minutes later, he didn't hesitate to get out of the vehicle and didn't even wait for me to enter the building across the street. I followed him in long strides, looking closely at all the children there, understanding the purpose of Suzana's work. Soon, I realized what the NGO that Christian had mentioned was all about. There were children everywhere, playing, eating, and even studying. There were also adults moving back and forth, taking care of the children, helping them as needed. Christian walked through the children, patting some on the head and even talking to others. I continued to follow him, closely observing all the children, understanding Suzana's role. I noticed when Christian approached the mother, who soon noticed me behind him.

- What is she doing here, Christian? - She asked without beating around the bush, looking at me sternly.