35.

I have been face to face with death. It was because of this experience that I completely changed my perception of death. I believe it appears differently to each person. It could be painful for some, peaceful for others, and quick when it needed to be. It could also exert torturous slowness. In my case, death decided to act on me slowly. At first, I thought I was just tired, fed up with everything, but then the sensation of suffocation, slowing heart rate, persistent nausea, and disorientation served to show me that I was getting closer to death with each passing moment. She was there, looking at me, with her arms open, waiting for the moment when I would be ready to embrace her. If there was life after death, I didn't want it. I would leave it to anyone else who had the potential to evolve because I didn't. I preferred to remain in a dark place or even sleep for as long as necessary. I just wanted it to end as quickly as possible, but instead, it was dragging on, torturing me and giving Kai time to call an ambulance when I thought I would be alone when I overdosed.

"Come quickly, please. She's dying!" he said desperately on the phone, even crying. He sighed and wiped away the tears when he hung up, then approached me slowly, leaning over my body.

"You're such an idiot," he muttered through clenched teeth, spitting the words at me. "You can't even kill yourself properly. I could have let you die; it would have been the end of this nuisance in my life, but they would have known I was at home when you died, and I would have ended up in trouble. But I hope you're left with a sequel, that you become a vegetable, and that you rot in bed. And even then, it wouldn't be enough." He moved away from me, returning to his phone after tapping the screen. "Hi, Roberta. I'm sorry for the late hour; I wouldn't call if it weren't important." He started walking away, his voice sounding as gentle as possible. "I need you to be strong, not just for yourself but also for Hailey."

I wanted to make him eat that phone right then. I wanted to pause my death, just for that. But unfortunately, I still felt the effects of death, feeling it pulling me closer and closer until I reached the point of fainting, or as I thought, dying.

I thought I had gotten rid of everything, that it was over. However, when I woke up in a hospital room, disoriented for a moment, I was sure I was alive and now in a new hell.

"You're going to a rehabilitation clinic," my mother said bluntly, without showing any emotion about my condition. "It's not the end of the world. People from high society do it to clean up sometimes, and you won't be the first person to do it, let alone the last." She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head to the side. "I just didn't expect you to embarrass me like this, right after everything I did for you. Can't you just be grateful, Hailey?"

"I'd rather die," I rasped, "than continue to be married to him."

She gave a half-smile. "But you will. He followed in his father's footsteps and is being more than useful to our family. The least you can do is stay by his side."

I breathed through parted lips, keeping my gaze fixed on my mother, wishing I could shout to her how toxic they all were, especially how she always manipulated us like puppets. Because that was exactly how I felt in her hands.

I blinked several times when a bowl of fruit porridge was placed in front of me. I looked at Elijah beside me, shaking his head from side to side.

"I'm not hungry."

"Did I ask?" she retorted in her unique way, as if she didn't care anymore. "Just eat, Hailey. You're wasting away every day, if you haven't noticed."

I released the air from my lungs abruptly, staring into space.

"Lately, they've been worrying too much about my well-being."

"It's not exactly me who's worrying," he crossed his arms over his chest, "He's worried about you," he murmured.

"Lies," I said slowly, pushing the bowl away from me.

"Why would I lie to you?" he asked in astonishment.

He forced a smile. "I wish it were that easy, that he would get tired of you and send you somewhere," he spread his hands on the table, leaning over it, "But I see the way he looks at you, how he behaves. How he talks to you."

I didn't dare move as I analyzed what Elijah was saying, looking for any validity to it, if there was any. Klaus had shown me his worst side; he had shown that he could get close to most of the tyrants who had walked the Earth, and now I couldn't believe there was something good in him, that there wasn't a plan behind all of this. It was Klaus, and he had fooled me once with him. I wasn't at all willing to let him do it again.

I pressed my lips together tightly, lifting my head and meeting his hazel eyes.

"I want Klaus to go to hell," I finally said calmly as I got up. "And if you want to keep him company, that's fine." I shrugged, leaving the kitchen, coming face to face with Klaus, whom I deliberately ignored. Unlike me, he turned to look at me even as I walked past him, making it clear he wouldn't be intimidated.

Kai held my face in his hands, with a smile that I knew didn't belong to him. The last time he had done that, it had been on our wedding day.

"It will be fine, my love," he promised to the wind. "I'll be here for you when you come back."

If only he knew that I didn't want to come back, would he still make that ridiculous scene in front of my parents? Yes, he was Kai, and he wore a mask of a good man for everyone, but when he was alone with me, he turned into a faceless monster.

"Make sure you're okay soon," my mother said with her forced sympathy. "And take this time to think."

"You'll see, when you come out of there, you'll be a different person," my father said, patting my shoulder, as if he cared whether I would come out of there or not. I hoped not.

Luana approached me without saying anything and hugged me. It had been the first sincere hug since I woke up in that hospital. I didn't know if she had any idea of what was happening to me or if she suspected, let alone if she believed me. But I knew she had gotten rid of the strings my mother used to control her; she could no longer be her puppet. On the other hand, I felt like I needed to do the same, just didn't know if, like Luana, I could manage it. I felt so weak, so useless... I would end up being another joke for Klaus to laugh at later and throw in my face.

"You won't go crazy," she said with a smile when she stepped back, not knowing that I had been on the brink of madness years ago and that

the only people who could save me weren't there.

I paced back and forth in the room, restless. Even if I tried, I wouldn't be able to, there was no one left at the end of the tunnel, I was alone in that darkness, and all I could do was lament, giving up the fight little by little, until one way or another, it would all end.

I just wanted to get rid of that pain.