Chapter 127 127

Chapter 127 127
Ashley POV

My name slipped out of his chapped lips in a whisper, like the soft flutter of wings. His voice sounded so hesitant, so skeptical, so flustered, I was not sure what to say to him back. So, I chose to nod, then lowered my gaze to the dirty floor.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," I muttered.

"Why?"

His tone was hard to guess. Partly because he spoke so quietly that I could barely hear him over the beating of my own heart, which had regained its beat, thankfully. And partly because I was so scared and anxious to answer, I felt sick.

"Because..." I cleared my throat, still refusing to look at him. Tears welled up in my eyes, like strong alcohol in my throat. "Because," I tried again, though my voice broke.

"Did something happen to your parents? Or my brother?"

I could not believe how calm and collected he was. Despite my temptation to look at him, at least to catch a glimpse of his face, I knew I could not hold myself back from crying if I locked eyes with his gaze.

"No," I replied, my eyes still glued to my shoes. "I came for you. To tell you..."

He was silent. I felt the seconds tick by, but he did not push me.

My hands were clenched at my sides. "I came to tell you, Jay... that I... I..."

"You're not wearing your ring."

"No," I repeated softly, my voice shaking with a touch of nervousness and anxiety. Holding in a deep breath before I went on. "And Jay, the thing is..."

I never made it to the end of my sentence. Before I knew it, I felt myself being pulled into a tight squeeze. It happened too fast for me to react. I barely blinked before finding myself wrapped around by a pair of strong arms. The scent of white musk, soap, and his typical odor filled my nostrils for the first time since last May, then covered me with a familiar sense of security. Taking a deep breath, I gently placed my hands on his broad back, as I tried my hardest to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down my still-dry cheeks.

"You have lost a lot of weight."

I gulped against the lump in my throat. "Ten kilos," I muttered down into the material of his shirt.

"Of course. You just beat me, didn't you?"

Speechless. No words could come out of my mouth. Because I had been in complete denial ever since Miles first broke through my walls. I was ready not to be forgiven. I was ready to be cursed at and yelled at. I was ready to grovel, beg, and plead. I was ready to fight, argue, and try to convince him that I was truly sorry.

I was not ready to face the opposite of all that.

Hot, salty water welled up in my eyes. I could taste tears at the corners of my lips, as I sniffled secretly, praying - in vain - that he would not sense it, not notice.

"Don't cry," he said soothingly, his clutch on my body tightening.

"I'm sorry, Jay." My fingers gripped his shirt with utter vivid hopelessness. "I'm so sorry for lying to you. I should not have, I know I shouldn't have. I just... I thought it was best for both of us. I was stupid, so stupid, I mean, I called you that a lot, but..."

"I get it, Ash," he murmured softly. "I really do, so please - stop crying. I can't bear to see you this sad."

"You should be mad at me," I insisted, tears thickening my tone. "And you must have been angry when you first found out. Why aren't you yelling at me right now? Why..." Then I gulped and cleared my throat. "Why are you hugging me instead?"

"Of course, I was angry." His breath stroked my hair as I still refused to look up. "You made me think that I'm in love with someone I have never been in love with. Don't you get how hard it was for me to try to figure it all out when I had amnesia, let alone when my memory came back? I felt betrayed by the person I loved more than anyone else in the world."

Despite his words, he sounded calm, not even faltering. However, I reacted to another thing.

"What do you mean?" I asked, dazed. "You love Blair, don't you?"

His answer was precise, concise, and not revealing the slightest hint of dishonesty. "No."

"But why..." I asked, flabbergasted.

"Because I was scared." He pulled away from me and gently rubbed the back of his palm against my cheek. " I was scared, arrogant, and a complete fucking idiot. And I have told you why. I felt like my family was sucking up to your family, and I hated being bound by some ridiculous promise your grandfather made to my father. I thought I could escape my burden by cheating on you - I thought at the time that our marriage would surely be off for good."

"But what about this?" I asked with a slight frown, my tears starting to dry up inside my eyes. I pointed at him to myself. "What about us? If you wanted to get away from me..."

"I never said that, did I?"

For the first time since the beginning of this deep talk, I looked up to him. As my eyes locked with his, I saw my vulnerability, my doubts, my yearning, and longing reflected in his eyes.

"Then what?" I whispered, both delighted and frightened by the discovery.

His hand dropped to curl around mine. He grasped my fingers loosely, but my pounding heart jumped into overdrive as he drew me closer.

"As time goes on," he replied gently, "I want to do it all myself."

I sucked in a deep breath. Amusement briefly flickered in his caramel brown eyes before they turned solemn again. "You should have figured it out by now, because I have already told you that you have always been the light of my life, my mate. Though I used to hate having to be with you all the time, I was finally getting over it and even started to look forward to seeing you." 

He let out a chuckle. "No one else can be as annoying as you when I disagree with the person in question."

"Bastard," I said, though I cracked a smile as well.

"For me to let you go would have been out of the question," he added. "I don't know when exactly I started feeling this much for you, but I vividly remember realizing it when we were engaged," he trailed off, and his eyes darted elsewhere. "I have never been as terrified as this in my whole life."

"Why?" I asked for the fifteenth time that day.

He pulled my body closer to his chest again. I let him, and leaned against the shape of his torso, my hands trailing down his back. I could get used to this.

"I didn't know what you felt about me."

"I didn't like you," I admitted, feeling that he was already too open and frank that I no longer needed to be coy with my answer. "You were a pain in the ass, and you were cold, rude, and snarky. You were also pretty arrogant and acted that way as if there was no one else but you."

"A pain in the ass... that pretty much explains it," he said blandly.

I shrugged as best I could as I tried to hide a grin. "I just thought I should interpret what that meant."

He sighed, though I could catch the hint of a smile in his reply. "Why should I have to fall in love with a heartless brat like you?"

Warmth rushed across my face, chest, and neck. In truth, every part of my body felt like it was on fire. My heart was beating in sync with his, which I felt speeding up as I squeezed him harder.

"I'd punch you if I could, you know," I told him as tears welled up in my eyes. "For making me cry."

He chuckled, making the sound rumble through his body. "I know," he murmured as he nuzzled his nose into my hair. "And I wouldn't want it any other way."