Chapter 125 125

Chapter 125 125
Ashley POV

I stared at him with an incredulous look on my face. "You could not be serious could you," I whispered.

"I'm dead serious," he told me solemnly, his sharp, dark eyes looking at me intently. "As soon as you were out of sight, Jayden..." I flinched at the mention of his name, "...tried to chase after you like crazy. Hunter and Tyler jumped on him, though it wasn't until Clark, our manager, and a few other managers came to help that we were able to stop him." Miles sucked in a deep breath and stared out the window. "If it wasn't for Jax and a slap from Jamie, Jayden would've gotten you. And who knows what would have happened to either of you if he had."

Then, he was silent for a while, surely waiting for a reaction or answer from me, but I did not react. He scratched the back of his head restlessly just before going on, his tone grave.

"We managed to convince him to head back to the styling and hair and makeup team since there was still a show to do. Next, Clark went to find Blair and dragged her to see Jayden in hopes that she could calm him down, but he just told her to... well, 'go away' is the best way I can put it. I have never seen them together since that day."

"There was no word about it on the news," I stated in a bitter tone.

"None of our agency companies announced it," he said as he checked his phone. "It's just a matter of time."

I was sitting uneasily in my chair. I had no idea what to say.

"Have you tried calling him?"

"Nope," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. "No, I haven't."

"Ashley," his tone softened, getting low, barely audible as a murmur, "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not scared," I argued fiercely, a nervous edge creeping into my tone. Glaring at him, his accusation made my temper flare.

He then leaned slightly forward resting his elbows on the round wooden table. Behind his rigid façade, there was sympathy in his eyes, even a touch of pity as he crossed his arms and rested his chin on the small table that was formed. "Then why don't you admit the truth?"

The truth. For me to see the truth is what Eva told me after I told her everything about Jayden. And she also got it from Miles, who was now repeating it to me. It was ridiculous, really. Part of me felt good about the word, longing for the freedom it offered, but another part of me, my wolf, controlled my entire system.

There is no truth, I have decided. Thus, no truth existed.

"What truth?" I bluffed. "He's just the guy I grew up with and got forcibly engaged to at eighteen. He's always been a totally shitty bastard, and on top of that, he's also a cheater. 
There's nothing more to it than that!"

The people around stole glances at me and Miles nervously, and... though their stares made me feel uneasy, I paid them little mind. I was pissed, getting riled up, and much more feisty than I liked.

Because what reason was there for me to feel alarmed if there was no such thing as "the truth"?

"He might be a cheating bastard," Miles said quietly. "But you're a total lying coward."

My eyes narrowed at him, as my next words caught in my throat. Yet before I could gather myself to voice a protest or retort, he continued.

"And worst of all, you're too proud to admit the truth that's blatantly obvious to everyone but you and Jayden. So what if he's a cheating bastard and you're a lying coward... you..."

"Stop it," I snapped at him, but he paid no heed to me.

"...love him more than anything in the world. Don't you, Ashley?"

All the blood running down my face drained away. I just sat there, staring at Miles, who had just said the most absurd, impossible, stupid, awful, terrifying, but true words I had ever heard. Because as bad as it was to admit, even in my heart, I could not deny it anymore - Jayden Keller was someone I loved. Truly and undeniably. I really did love him. For how long or for why, I'm not sure.

But the moment I had even thought of allowing myself to love him, warmth filled me from head to toe, from the core of my being to my fingertips. It was that warmth that healed all the scars, all the wounds from the past few months - even the betrayal of his cheating. It was the kind of warmth that made me want to lie down, eat, laugh, talk, and just be with him. It was the kind of blissful warmth that I could only imagine experiencing for the rest of my life.

A warmth that only one person in the entire world could give. As a mate for sure.

"Are you going to lie to yourself for the rest of your life? Or worse, are you going to live a life of constant regret every day?"

Like a faraway whisper from a mythical creature, his questions slipped into my head, filling it up, and tearing down the wall of feelings I had built up for and for myself.

Miles leaned back in his chair, his fingers still interlaced over his stomach. "Because that's the kind of future I see for you. Rich, married, and maybe content with your life someday - but something like this..." He shook his head. "All you need to do is admit your own feelings. Stop denying them, stop lying to yourself, and stop running. Stop being such a proud fucking coward, Ashley."

And with that, the barriers crumbled like towers and walls of dust, carried away by the gentle breeze. For the first time in my whole life, I let my heart take the lead. Reckless, one could say, but reckless was the only choice I could make when the future of my life, my happiness, and the cause of all that happiness was at stake. I could not think, could not take into consideration, could not discuss, could not reason my way back to a place of acceptance.

No, I refuse to be scared of the truth anymore. I refuse to cower before the possibility of allowing someone to love me - and for me to love that someone. I refused to give up my last chance to grab a once-in-a-lifetime chance - because that's exactly what Jayden was giving me... a chance.

Now that I knew, literally knew, I could not let it pass me by.

My heart wanted nothing more than a twenty-year-old man, once my closest family friend, once my fiancé, once my mate, once my amnesic idol friend, and now, most recently... my brother-in-law. I wanted him with every cell, every fiber of my being.

A life without loving him would be like living in a world without color and sound. A shadow of the truth, a hollow shell of creatures and pearls, a poor simulation of something I have experienced and enjoyed for twenty years. Sure, sometimes I might see a flash of color, or hear a faint sound, but it would still be a drop in an endless ocean.

A life without loving Jayden Keller would be hollow. As much as I might like Jared, his gentle manner, his polite and aloof nature, and his delicate grace, he's just a spark in a sky full of stars. A sky full of stars, planets, suns, and moons. It was cruel, but to me, in my heart, he couldn't even compare to the wonders of the sky.

That snarky, teasing, arrogant, stubborn, haughty, beautiful, funny, hardworking, caring, strong, supportive, and fun-loving person who is an amazing person is Jayden Keller. I might need a dictionary, or better yet, make up my own words to describe this world-famous idol, a singer and dancer who has so much talent and willpower. No one can deny it.

And even then, I would only be stirring the surface of the true soul that lies beneath.

As I took off the engagement ring Jared had gotten me, I saw his eyes widen. He had been quietly watching me as my every thought drifted away, and only now did I see how uneasy he was when he spoke to me. Not quite sure, of course, since he wasn't sure if he was right.

But he was right. He was right and had been for months.

I loved the bastard known as Jayden Keller. I loved him more than anything that made sense.

"Where is he?" I asked hurriedly. I had to act before I could speak - or rather, reason to call off the wedding. "Where's Jayden?"

"I have no idea," Miles said, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead. "But Tyler might know. I can call him and ask."

"Please," I insisted.

Miles pursed his lips, his eyes still showing the puzzlement he was experiencing, as he pressed his cell phone to his ear. "Ashley," he said as he waited for Tyler to pick up. "About the wedding..."

"Forget about the wedding," I cut in and got up. Ignoring the astonished look he shot me, I shoved the engagement ring into my purse and started walking toward the nearest restroom. "I will be right back," I said over my shoulder.

The thumping of my heart quickened along with my steps, and as I locked myself inside the guest restroom, I felt a feeling of dread and fear pooling in my stomach. Frantically I started to remove the makeup from my face and neck, though Miles had said that it was not too much, yet it still felt excessive. My face was almost as clean as after a shower when I felt satisfied and headed back outside.

The table was empty, and I spotted Miles standing by the exit downstairs. "Come on," he motioned to me as I glanced at him curiously. "Tyler said Jayden went to the bar. If it's true what I think, he should be around here somewhere."

With a single nod, I followed him out of the café. About ten minutes later, the two of us arrived at the stairs leading to a small, shabby karaoke bar with no name. My stomach feels like it's curling into a tight ball as we climb the few steps. But when I noticed Miles had not moved from the sidewalk, I halted and whipped around, a frown on my face.

He blocked me from speaking by holding up a hand. "I don't want to interrupt," he explained. "I'm already involved enough with you two."

Giving him a fleeting smile, I hurried down the stairs. "Thank you," I said to him as I stopped right in front of him. "Thank you for giving me an epiphany. Though he probably won't forgive me..."

"He will forgive you," Miles interrupts in a firm tone, his sharp, dark eyes full of firmness. "But only if you tell him what everyone around you two already knows."

"Thank you," I repeat. I almost wanted to hug him, but I decided against it. "And I will."

He flashed me a smile. That smile seemed to make all the weight of the unseen world fall off his shoulders. "Good. Now, get in there."