Leaving
Ashley
I never expected that Sandro and I would actually get along. Honestly, I still don't remember him at all, and I've told him that more times than I can count but that never stopped him from coming around. He just kept showing up, unfazed by my indifference.
Lately, I've been spending most of my days at my condo, sulking in silence. My heart was heavy with resentment toward Marco and even more jealous whenever I saw him with Ashlyn. The sight of them together gnawed at me in ways I didn't want to admit.
Right now, I'm here in the condo again. As usual, Sandro is with me and he's become more of a friend lately. He hasn't brought up our "friends with benefits" situation since before my accident, and now, thankfully, what we have is purely platonic.
"I'm glad you're not working right now," he said when I let him in. His eyes scanned the living room and noticed that my laptop was absent from the coffee table, where it usually sits.
"I just chose not to work today," I replied, shrugging. He nodded, then carried the lunch he brought to the small dining table and began unpacking everything like it was his routine.
"You know…" he started as we sat down to eat, "Why don't you just stay here permanently? I mean, this place is yours. Why do you even bother living with your sister?"
He didn't know that the person I was referring to as my sister was actually my twin. Apparently, he knew little about me at all.
"I've thought about it too," I said, toying with my food. "It feels awkward crashing at their place when I'm barely there anyway. Besides, I don't want my sister to constantly worry about me."
He made a valid point. Maybe it was time to come back here and live alone. It would spare me the constant awkwardness of being called out for dinner when I'd just be hiding in my room all day. Living here again might just give me the space and clarity I needed.
By the time we finished our meal, I had decided to move out immediately.
"I think it's time for me to live on my own again," I told him. "I'll let my sister know later."
We were in the middle of chatting when my phone rang. It was my twin.
She said she needed to talk to me immediately and asked if I could come home.
When I got there, I found her sitting in the living room. That has become her favorite spot lately.
"Hi, Sissy!" she greeted me brightly, she was cheerful, so contagious that I couldn't help but smile back.
"Hey," I replied, sitting down across from her.
"I'm sorry for calling you home like this. It's a bit sudden, I know. But I really need to talk to you."
"Okay, what's going on?" I asked, a bit concerned.
"I need to leave for work soon, and I'm worried Marco might not let me go. Can you help me convince him? You know how overprotective he gets because of my condition."
"What?" I frowned. "Aren't you supposed to be resting?"
I didn't say it to oppose her. It was just that, like Marco, I couldn't help but worry about her health. It was part of the reason I kept my distance.
"I know… but I just really need to go. And I might even submit my resignation letter."
I understood, but something about that stung. If she was going to quit her job, that only meant one thing, she was fully committing to a life with Marco. And that meant I was truly losing whatever space I once had in his world.
"If he refuses to let you go, just call me. We'll talk to him together," I said, forcing a calm tone even as doubts started to swirl in my head. Would it even make a difference whether I was around or not?
Wait. Could it be?
Could she already know about me and Marco?
"Oh, by the way, I need to tell you something, too," I added.
"What is it?"
"I've decided to move out. I'll be staying at the condo again."
"What? That's so sudden…" Her expression shifted, a shadow of worry clouding her eyes. Was that a real concern or something else? Was it possible she really knew?
"After spending some time at the condo, it just hit me. Maybe it's time I learned how to live on my own again. I used to do it before, there's no reason I can't do it now."
"Is there any way that I can change your mind?" she asked softly, her voice nearly breaking.
Her sadness surprised me. Was she really sad… or just pretending? Was this about me being her twin or because she suspected I had feelings for her husband?
I didn't know what to feel. Yes, I was sad, too, but not because I'd miss her. I was leaving because I didn't want to keep seeing Marco every day. No matter how I tried to suppress it, a part of me still longed for him, and that was something I couldn't take anymore.
What am I even thinking?
Ashley, you're talking to Ashlyn, your twin sister, and your other half.
I shook my head, reminding myself of that hard truth.
I shouldn't feel this way.
Not when I'm the one at fault.
If anyone should understand the situation, it should be me.
"I'll go upstairs and start packing. If I don't see Marco before I leave, can you tell him?" I said, my voice steady despite the turmoil inside.
Ashlyn gave me a soft nod, her smile faint but kind. I took that as a silent blessing, and with one last glance at her, I walked toward the stairs, my feet feeling heavier with each step.
Inside my room, I started packing my clothes. There was a lot to go through. I'd gathered more stuff than I realized, mostly from the little things I bought while I went out after my writing sessions. Maybe buying things was my way of feeling some sort of control.
Time passed unnoticed. Sweat clung to my skin as I moved around. Needing to cool down, I took a shower to freshen up.
I thought I'd just text Marco once I get to the condo.
Telling him in person would only lead to an argument.
And frankly, I didn't have the strength for one. Not anymore.
A knock startled me as I finished drying my hair and lined my suitcases near the door.
"Hold on," I called out as I made my way over and opened the door.
"Marco? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you still be at the office?"
"I need to talk to you," he said, his voice urgent.
"What? Ashlyn's here—"
"She left."
"Left? Where did she go?" We were just talking earlier.
"She said she had to go to work. I didn't want her to, but... I had to take this chance. I had to see you," he admitted.
His eyes darted toward the suitcases near the door, and his expression instantly darkened.
"What's with the bags?"
"Didn't Ashlyn tell you?" I said, keeping my voice calm. "I'm leaving."
His jaw clenched. He looked furious and not hurt. Just angry.
"Is this because of that guy? That Sandro? Are you two moving in together?"
"What? No. He's just a friend," I said, my voice rising slightly.
"Oh, really? Since when? The day you went to your unit and suddenly bumped into him? Was it love at first sight or something? Is that why you've been avoiding me?"
"It's not like that, Marco. Sandro is a friend. Nothing more. Nothing is going on between us."
"Then why the hell are you leaving?"
"You're really asking me that?" I snapped, finally losing grip of my restraint. "You really don't know why?"
That shut him up.
I took a deep breath and let the words pour out, the pain bleeding through every syllable.
"Every time I see you with Ashlyn, every time I watch you kiss her... it kills me inside. Do you think I'm made of stone that I could just stand there and smile while you treat her like the center of your universe, and I'm just... nothing?"
His voice was barely a whisper. "Sweetheart, please. Just... give me some time."
"I know where I stand," I said softly. "I know what this is. I know my place. But that doesn't mean I don't feel anything. It doesn't mean I don't lie awake every night crying, wishing that just for once, I could be the one you chose."
Tears rolled down my cheeks now, silently but endlessly.
"And now that she's pregnant... I mean, how could I even compete with that? She's your wife, Marco. Your wife. That means she has every right to be in your life. And I'm just... this secret."
"I know I messed up," he murmured, his voice cracking. "I dragged you into something you didn't deserve. I tried to push you away. That's why I kept lashing out. That's why I was always looking for your flaws. But I couldn't stop myself. I fell for you. And now... I love you. I love you so damn much, Sweetheart."
His words broke something in me.
"This hurts, Marco. Loving you hurts so much. And the only thing keeping me afloat all this time... was just getting to see you. Even if it meant I had to pretend I didn't exist. But I can't do this anymore. I'm falling apart. Every time you leave me for her, I feel like I'm shattering into pieces I can never put back together."
I paused, my voice barely audible now.
"I wished I was her. I wish I were Ashlyn. I wish I were your wife. I wish I were the one carrying your child. But I'm not. And loving you is turning me into someone I don't even recognize... and still love you."
"I love you more," he whispered. Then, without warning, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
It was desperate.
Painful.
Addictive.
And no matter how wrong it was…
…I kissed him back.