Chapter 45 His Haven

POV: Haven

It happened again. Another panick attack. I haven't had one in a while. I was doing so good with them until Jax stalked towards me the way he did and I became tapped.

I was suddenly there again. I could feel his hands all over me. He touched me. I felt so dirty. I wanted to stop and go away. I hate that feeling. It's not the first time I've felt this way.

That feeling never truly went away but it was getting better. It was horrible until it wasn't. Jax made it all go away. He replace their touch with his soothing one. I can't describe this feeling. It's like he took it all away and only allowed his touch be all that was left.

My head lays on his naked chest. We are both naked laying in bed. He has a movie playing in the background. Neither one of us speaking. I just had sex.

It wasn't an in the moment lost in some trans type of thing this time. We were both fully present this time. I remember the last time completely but it was different. This time it was like we had more control over our bodies that just going through the motions.

I know why that was. Selene had explained it to me. I haven't told Jax this but the Selene may have had a hand in that. She did something to enhance our feelings at that point and it caused us to do that. She needed Jax to mate with me at that particular time.

It was something to do with the way the alignment of the moon and when the full moon come soon Jax will change. I'm not sure what that means but she said to just be prepared for it and that Jax will know in his own time. So didn't tell him any of this.

This time it was just us. Our choice. Selene had nothing to do with it. "What are you thinking?" Jax asks breakingnour silence. I'm surprised he asked. He normally always knows what I'm thinking.

"Not reading my mind this time?" I question him. "No. I don't always do that. When I do its to make sure your ok and not going to try and off yourself again."

I guess I can appreciate that. "It's nothing. I can't tell you about it yet." I tell him. "Why?" He asks. "Because Selene said not to." I tell him.

He shifts looking down at me. "Do you know about this change thing?" He asks. "Parts of it but I can't tell you. She said you will know when the time come. I do not know all of what it will be. I do know your going to have the power of for sight though."

"Thats already happened. I've seen things i can't explain." He reveals. "Whay did you see?"

He smiles. "You'll have to wait and see." He says. "What else to you and the Moon goddess talk about? What's it like in there?"

I tell him about the garden and the river. I tell him how weird some people's dreams are that I walk into. I tell him about some of the things that selene tells me. "She calls me her Blessed and never by name."

"The full moon is in three days. It will happen then. I have to shift into Ash that night." Jax says. "I know."

"I wish you could be there with me but with not knowing what it is I don't want to hurt you so I don't want you there." Jax says worried. I understand but I do know that it is nothing bad and he won't hurt me.

I won't push him to let me be there with him though. "Is someone going to be there with you?" I ask. "Yes. Liam and Luke will be." He answers.

"Haven did I force you or take advantage of you. I was only trying to help you." Jax voices his concerns.

"What? No. You did neither of those things. If I did not want you to I would have told you no. I do trust you Jax. I don't even have that feeling anymore." I confess. "Really? You don't feel them touching you anymore. I don't like you feeling that."

"No. I only feel you now. Its soothing." I admit to him. He smiles and kisses me softly. "Good because I will be the only one to ever touch you again." He promises.

"We should probably get up." I say. "No we can stay right here for the rest of the day. My mom has Cameron for the day. Most of my work is done. Jack can handle the rest. My baby needs me right now."

His baby? "Cameron?" He shakes his head with a low chuckle. "No silly. You. Your my baby. Cam is my pup." He pokes my nose causing me to scrunch my nose up.

"OK? But I'm hungry." I tell him. I really am hungry. I skipped lunch. "I will order a pizza then. Your not leaving this room."

He orders the pizza. "Can I at least put some clothes on?" I ask. "Oh um yeah. I will get Penny to bring you some."

He gets up from the bed and I shield my eyes feeling she seeing his naked ass. I hear him laugh. "OK miss bashful I'm dressed. You can look now." I peek between my fingers first then remove my hands.

"Adorable" he whispers. He only has a pair of shorts on. "Here." He tosses me one of his shirts. What is it with him wanting me in his shirts.

I put it on feeling more comfortable to sit up now. I just wish I had some underwear now.

A knock sounds on the door. Jax answers it. I can see Penny. She hands him my clothes.

I change into my panties and shorts. I feel lots better now. I don't think I really needed the shorts though. His shirt is huge on me. I'm only five foot two with a small body while Jax is Huge. He's about six foot five and full of muscles.

"The pizza will be here in about twenty minutes. What drink do you want I'll have some brought up."

"Hmm. Just a coke and some water. Can you ask my mom if she could bring my favorite cookies?" I ask. I'm starving.

"Sure." He says. We lay down back in the bed in the same position we were in with my head laying on his chest. Jax only gets up to get the food and drinks. My mom came five minutes after with my cookies.

He puts on the movie, Skyline. We eat and watch it. It was a good day for the most part. I think I can be with Jax now and love him the way I was always meant to.

We now lay down with all the lights and TV off. The only light in the room is from the moon. I'm curled up against Jax with his arms wrapped around me. I could stay like this forever. Jax is my home. My Haven to always stay safe in. I guess my name fits that. "You were always my haven, Haven." Jax whispers.