Chapter 33 Chapter 33: Mess on the Inside
Catharine’s P.O.V
New Year's Eve arrives in the blink of an eye and once again, I find myself getting ready for yet another party, this time one I want to avoid with every fiber of my being. I stand in front of my closet, staring blankly at the rows of dresses hanging there, and I can't help but remember my last conversation with Hunter.
His words keep echoing in my mind, about what he told me about Xavier, about the transfer, about everything. But now I don't know if he's actually trying to help me or just poisoning my thoughts against Xavier. Maybe it was all just a game to him, a sick twisted game where I was nothing but a pawn.
I pull out a simple black dress and lay it on the bed. The last few days had actually been peaceful in the house, surprisingly so. I've tried to make an effort to be more understanding, more accepting of the situation. Caroline is a sweet girl, I can admit that now. She's very friendly and her bubbly personality doesn't bother me anymore, or at least that's what I try to tell myself every morning when I wake up. It's easier to lie to yourself than face the truth sometimes.
Xavier continues to help Caroline with everything. He makes her coffee in the morning, gets her favorite pastries from the bakery downtown, and sometimes even picks up her dry cleaning. And sometimes it stings, seeing them so close together, seeing the easy way they laugh and joke around. But I try not to think too much of it. I tell myself that he's just being nice, that he's just helping our surrogate adjust to a new life. That's all it is. That's all it can be.
I slip into my black dress and zip it up carefully. The fabric feels cool against my skin and I shiver slightly. Walking to my vanity, I start applying my makeup, keeping it simple and elegant. Foundation, a touch of blush, some mascara, a nude lipstick. I don't want to stand out tonight. I just want to blend into the background and avoid Hunter at all costs.
But even as I think that, I know it's impossible. Hunter has a way of finding me, of cornering me when I least expect it. And now, knowing that he supposedly has a girlfriend, someone he's been with for three years in secret, someone he might actually love, it makes my stomach twist in knots. I hate that it bothers me. I hate that I feel betrayed when I have no right to feel that way.
I pick up my curling iron and start working on my hair, creating soft waves that frame my face. As I work, my mind drifts back to that kiss, that stupid kiss that I can't seem to forget no matter how hard I try. It meant nothing. It was nothing. Hunter was just messing with me, playing his games, and I fell for it like a complete fool.
After finishing my hair, I stand and look in the mirror one last time. The woman staring back at me looks composed, elegant, ready for a night out. But inside, I'm a mess of conflicting emotions. I take a deep breath and tell myself that it's time to face Hunter if I like it or not. I can do this. I'm strong enough to get through one party.
I grab my clutch from the dresser and slip my phone inside along with my lipstick and some cash. My heels are by the door and I slide my feet into them, buckling the small straps around my ankles. They're not too high, just enough to give me some extra confidence.
Walking down the hallway, I can hear voices coming from downstairs. Xavier must be waiting for me in the living room. He had gotten ready earlier, saying he needed to make some phone calls before we left. I'm actually relieved that we'll be leaving soon. The sooner we get there, the sooner this night can be over.
My heels click against the hardwood floor as I make my way down the stairs. The sound echoes in the quiet house and I see two heads turn toward me. Xavier is sitting on the couch and I expect to see him alone, but my heart drops when I notice someone sitting next to him.
Caroline.
They break apart when they hear my heels on the stairs, both looking up at me with smiles on their faces. Xavier had been showing her something on his phone and they were laughing about it, their heads close together in that intimate way that makes my chest ache.
But what really horrifies me, what makes my blood run cold and my steps falter on the last stair, is the fact that Caroline is sitting there in a gorgeous golden dress. The fabric shimmers under the living room lights, catching every movement she makes. It's a beautiful dress, stunning really, with delicate beading along the bodice and a flowing skirt that pools elegantly around her legs.
And I recognize it immediately because that dress belongs to me. My breath catches in my throat and I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. That dress, that beautiful golden dress, was a gift from Xavier. He gave it to me on our anniversary last year, and had it specially made for me by some designer whose name I can't even remember right now because all I can focus on is the fact that Caroline is wearing it.
"Cathy, you look beautiful," Xavier says, standing up from the couch. He's wearing a dark suit that fits him perfectly and his hair is styled neatly. He looks handsome, like he always does, but I barely register it.
My eyes are fixed on Caroline, on my dress that she's wearing like it's the most natural thing in the world. She stands up too, smoothing down the golden fabric with her hands and smiling at me brightly.
"Cathy, hi! I hope you don't mind that I'm coming with you guys tonight," Caroline says, her voice cheerful and completely oblivious to the storm brewing inside me. "Xavier mentioned that the party would have a lot of industry people and I thought it might be good for networking. And when I told him I didn't have anything appropriate to wear, he suggested I borrow something from your closet. I hope that's okay."
I stand frozen on the last step, my hand gripping the railing so tightly that my knuckles turn white. My mouth opens but no words come out. How can I possibly respond to this? How can I tell her that it's not okay, that she's wearing a dress that means something to me, a dress that represents a memory that I cherish?
"Xavier?" I finally manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper. I look at him, searching his face for some explanation, some understanding of how wrong this is.
Xavier walks toward me, his expression confused by my reaction. "What's wrong, Cathy? You said Caroline could use anything she needed while she's staying here. I thought you wouldn't mind if she borrowed a dress for tonight."
I see something flicker across Xavier's face, maybe recognition or maybe guilt, I can't tell. But it's gone as quickly as it appeared and he stares at me, ready for me to cave in as I usually do.
But this time, something in me just snaps. Because it's not just a dress to me. It's a symbol of our relationship, of a time when things were simpler between us, when I believed that we were solid and unbreakable.