Chapter 16 The annoying reminder
Kendrix
The first practice after the holiday was always the most brutal. That was when we were ‘reintroduced into football after a summer of lazing around’, Coach's words.
“I swear, Coach is a sadist. Who the hell comes with drills like that? Shit! No offense, JJ.” Riley, the linebacker, said as the rest of the team half-walked, half-limped into the changing room.
“None taken. Those drills were crazy. I can't actually feel my legs anymore.” JJ winced while everyone groaned their agreement.
It took more effort than I've ever used in my life—okay, I'm exaggerating, but a considerable amount of effort—to walk off the field without collapsing like a heap of rotten potatoes, also Coach's words.
That's what he had called the sophomore who fainted after running rounds on the field. The guy had effectively proved Coach right that we had slacked off during the break.
I understood Coach. Just because the Eagles had won the championship last season doesn't mean we should slack off. If anything, the competition would be tougher now and the other schools, especially DHS, would make sure we didn't win the championship again.
As the Captain, I should say something to keep the team morale up, but I was too exhausted to give a pep talk.
I tore off my gear and slumped on one of the benches. The protests from the players grew louder as they filed into the showers.
“Cap, wanna say something?” Cisco said as he sat beside me on the bench. He had taken off his training kit and had a towel tied around his waist. Why he was sitting with me instead of going to the showers, I couldn't figure out.
“You say something. You're the assistant captain.” I scoffed while he smirked at me.
Cisco wasn't great at pep talk. He was the quiet guy off the pitch and the beast on it, but he was good when it comes to wrangling control. It was one of the qualities that had made him a great assistant captain since sophomore year.
In all years I've known Cisco, the only time he'd ever shown any kind of emotion was when he was with Brooklyn. Sure, he showed exhilaration when he rides his motorcycle, and satisfaction when the team wins, but that was it.
Sometimes, I wonder if that was how I seemed as well. If I had been trying to fill an emptiness with the motorcycles, the women, and the glory that came from the field.
“Is this some kind of weird gloomy faced bro bonding?” JJ's voice echoed as he sauntered towards us.
I raised my head to see him approaching, his blonde hair still wet from the showers as dried off.
“How the hell are you already done? You just went into the showers like five minutes ago.” Cisco asked in genuine surprise.
JJ took the longest showers I've ever seen. During junior year, a janitor accidentally locked him in the changing room because he thought it was empty. JJ had been in the showers two hours after practice ended.
“Because I come bearing great news.” He grinned. “Collin's parents are out of town till the weekend so he's throwing a party. What do you say we crash there instead of Benny's tonight? The rest of the team already agreed.”
“Pass.” Cisco groaned.
“You always say that but you end up showing up anyway. Brooke is coming. Are you really going to let her attend a party alone with your teammates?” JJ grinned. He knew he had yanked on Cisco's leash.
I love Brooklyn. She's been my best friend since we were literally in diapers, but I don't think I'll ever fall in love the way she and Cisco did.
The idea of handing over my entire self to one person, I couldn't imagine it. I've seen love destroy more than it heals. I've witnessed my father almost tear himself apart after my mother left. I couldn't fathom why he would fall in love again after taking so long to heal.
“I know Kenny boy can't turn down a good time.” JJ turned to me.
“Don't call me that, or I swear, I'll tell the entire team what happened at your beach house last summer.” I groaned.
Cisco snorted a laugh at the memory while JJ glared at me. I held his stare for a few seconds.
“Okay, fine. Whatever. Make sure you bring Stephanie. It'll be fun.”
“No.” I said firmly, even as the sound of her name made something tighten inside me.
I had approached her after class with the hope of finally telling her about the tournament. Brooklyn had assured me she hadn't told her yet. Ronnie had postponed the competition due to the fight at the Vault the other day, the new date was yet to be decided.
It was perfect, it would give us enough time to train together. So I wanted to invite her to lunch to do that, but somewhere along the line, it had stopped being about the tournament.
Fuck
It's only been two weeks since they moved in and my emotions were already all over the place. I needed to get a fucking grip.
“It doesn't matter. I'll ask Brooke to invite her. They're practically besties now.” JJ walked off to his locker, probably to grab his phone and text Brooklyn.
I stood up, ready to threaten him if he invites her—I had no interest in spending an entire evening with Stephanie, thank you very much—when a strong presence filled the changing room and the players chatters died down.
JJ's face hardened and he turned to his locker, pretending not to see the person who just walked in.
“Sinclair. My office. Now.” Coach James, JJ's father and the head coach of KSE, said and walked out of the changing room.
An uproar went up among my teammates as Coach exited the changing room.
“Captain is in trouble again!”
“The season has barely even started!”
“Yo, Cap! Good luck!”
“We'll pray for you!”
My teammates yelled after me as I walked after Coach, each steps heavier than the last. Normally, I wouldn't have this much knots in my stomach, but Coach calling you into his office meant one thing, you're busted.
Not sure why. I was extremely good throughout today's practice and I hadn't gotten involved in any scandal during the summer.
I thought of another reason he could have called me and the knots in my stomach tightened.
No, I did not want to discuss this with him again at the start of this season.
Coach was sitting behind his desk when I entered his office, going through some paperworks.
“Sit.” he said without looking at me.
I settled in the chair across from him, my heart beating fast in my chest. JJ didn't take after his father in personality. While JJ was easygoing and attracts literally everyone, Coach James was intense and scares everyone. They didn't get along.
But despite his intensity, he was a great coach and cares so much about his players. He had led us to the championship and we had won it.
He raised his head from the papers and stared at me. I tried not to shift under his heavy scrutiny.
“I believe you know why I've called you here.”
Not a question, but I nodded anyway.
His gaze softened slightly. “I know it's been years since it happened, but it will happen again if you do not get yourself under control. I trust you've desist from your…hobbies.”
My hands tightened around the chair armrest and I gave him a stiff nod. He didn't need to know the truth, just like I would love for him not to mention this again. Ever.
Not many people knew about that summer when everything had gone very, very wrong. Only a handful of people knew. My friends, my father, and Coach, because JJ had been involved too. I wanted to forget about it, but I couldn't. I needed to always remember so I never slipped again.
“It's your last year of highschool, Sinclair. Your last opportunity to get into a good D1 program, that's if you're still interested in playing football in college.”
I wasn't, but I wasn't going to tell Coach that. I played football because I enjoyed it, I had never considered it a career path.
“Thanks, Coach. I promise, I won't let you down.”
Translation: I would never let my unhinged side slip again. I won't repeat that disaster.
Coach seem satisfied with my response and dismissed me with a wave of his hand.
I stepped out of Coach's office, my chest heavier than when I first walked in. The metallic taste of blood and pungent scent of burned skin filled my senses.
I hated when those happened.
I hated when I was dragged back to that memory, that mistake I could never seem to erase no matter how hard I tried, but I didn't want to ever forget that reminder to always keep a tight leash on myself. The reminder to never fixate on anything, to never let myself feel.
So I closed my eyes and dragged up the memory of that bloody night and let myself feel the horror over and over again. Until I could picture the scene clearly in my mind.
But despite the mental torture I was subjecting myself to, I knew it was already too late. Because I had already started to fixate on something again, or someone.