Chapter 169 Choosing Herself

Chapter 169 Choosing Herself
~Teyana’s POV~

I kept telling myself it wasn’t possible.

That- maybe the test was faulty. Maybe my body was reacting to stress. To grief. To exhaustion. To watching my mother slowly disappear in front of my eyes. Anything but this.

I cried until my throat hurt, pacing the length of my room like I was trapped inside my own skin. My hands kept going into my hair, tangling, pulling, undoing it again and again like that would somehow undo reality too.

I was nineteen.

Nineteen and barely halfway through my second year in school. My mother was dying. And now my body had decided to carry something I didn’t ask for. A baby. For a man I had separated from. A man I had sworn to walk away from even if it broke me.

I couldn’t do this.

I couldn’t be someone’s mother.

Not now. Not like this.

I grabbed my keys and drove out, hands shaking on the steering wheel as I headed to the pharmacy. I needed another test. I needed proof that this wasn’t real. That I wasn’t losing my damn mind.

On the drive back, I called Carol.

“Where are you?” I asked the moment she picked up.

“I’m with Hartley, like Hart, my heart rob” she said in a sing-song-like playful tone. “Why asking though?”

I swallowed hard, unable to find her funny. My voice was already betraying me. “Can you come to my place? Please.”

There was a pause. Then, “Tey… what’s wrong?”

“I need you,” I said, my grip tightening on the wheel. “You have to leave and meet me at home.”

“Can it wait?” she asked gently. “We’re kind of in the middle of—”

“It can’t,” I cut in, my voice cracking despite my effort. “I can’t do this alone. I really can’t.” 

Silence.

Then, serious now, “Okay. Get yourself together, okay? I’m coming.”

I tried to tell myself not to panic as I drove, but my heart was racing ahead of my body. I almost collided with another car at an intersection, brakes screeching as the driver leaned out of her window.

“Watch your way, skunk!”

“I’m sorry!” I shouted back, hands trembling as I pulled away.

By the time I got home, my chest felt tight, like I had been holding my breath for hours.

I rinsed my face in the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror, palms pressed against the sink as I leaned forward. That was when I noticed it properly. The slight fullness in my face. The way my skin looked pale and stretched. The faint softness where there used to be sharpness.

God.

I did the second test.

I placed it on the sink and walked away.

I couldn’t look.

I paced my room endlessly, sitting, standing, sitting again, my mind spiraling into places I didn’t want to visit. I had vomited twice again before Carol came knocking. I nearly ran to the door.

She stepped in, her eyes widening as she accessed me.

“Teyana,” she started slowly, eyes scanning me. “You better not be pranking me cos you just dragged me away from where I was about to have the hottest sex of my entire life. Whatever this is, it better be worth it.” She whined dramatically. As usual. I let her.

“Go to the bathroom,” I said quietly when she was no longer talking.

She blinked. “What?”

“Just go,” I insisted. “And tell me what you see on the sink.”

Her face shifted. She stepped back instead of stepping forward. “A snake? Because if there’s a snake, we are leaving this house immediately.”

“Shut up,” I snapped, then exhaled and softened. “Please. It’s not an animal.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Okayyy…”

She dropped her pink designer bag on my bed and walked into the bathroom.

I sat on the floor, arms wrapped around my knees, rocking slightly without realizing it. Seconds felt like minutes as I waited for her to come back and tell me it was negative.

She finally showed. She didn’t hesitate at all.

“Teyana,” she said softly. “You’re pregnant.”

My insides splitted. 

I pulled at my hair, a sob tearing out of me. “So it’s real. That’s the second test. Oh my God.”

I collapsed fully then, crying like a child who had lost her way home. Carol dropped down beside me and wrapped her arms around me tightly.

“We’ve got this, T.” she whispered. “We’ll figure it out.” Then, “But of course, it’s…Jeremy’s right?”

“You know I haven’t been with anyone else.” I said weakly. She nodded. “I know.”

I pulled back suddenly, wiping my face with trembling hands as I arrived at a decision. “I’m going to abort it.”

Carol froze. “What?”

“Don’t,” I warned quickly. “Don’t talk me out of it. I can’t handle a baby. Not now. My mother is dying. Jeremy and I…we are no more. I’m not doing this.”

She studied my face for a long moment, then nodded slowly. She might have seen the strong determination through my demeanor. She didn’t try to talk me out of it again. “Okay. I’ll stay with you through it. You’ve got me.”

Relief washed through me, though it was painful. I knew I would have loved this child with all of me. But the pregnancy came at the wrong time. I just couldn’t.

“I want to tell my mum about it,” I said quietly.

~

The next day, my mum sat in a wheelchair beside her hospital bed, her body too weak to stand now. I had just let the blow out after her usual painting session. Yes, her husband got her a board and painting brushes. She found the activity therapeutic.

“You’re… pregnant?” she asked softly.

I nodded. She blinked.

“Does Jeremy know?”

I shook my head.

“Oh my God, Teyana…He has to,” she said immediately. “I’ll call John.”

“No,” I said quickly. “Please. Don’t call his Dad.”

My mum looked at me like I was a puzzle she didn’t understand.

Then the words spilled before I could stop them. “I want to abort it.”

Her eyes widened. “Never,” she said firmly. “I won’t allow you to do that to yourself.”

I swallowed hard.

“I don’t even know why I’m happy about the pregnancy. Teyana, this is fate.” she continued, her voice trembling. “When I’m gone, Carol will be there for you. And this baby…will be your dearest family. The baby will keep you connected to the Carters. You’ll always have their support. I want that for you.”

I tried to convince her and let her see things through my lens but I realized there was no point. She will keep talking me out of it. So I nodded slowly, pretending to buy her advice.

“Just don’t tell John,” I said quietly. “I want to tell him by myself, after I let Jeremy know first.” I lied.

She grinned sadly at me. “But it has to be soon.”

I nodded. But my decision hadn’t changed. I was going to abort the child.

I was doing this for myself. I was choosing myself over anything else.