Chapter 168 Moving on
Ryder's POV
"Where's Sage?" Jaxon asked again when I did not answer immediately.
At first I wondered whether it was a trick question. Because how could he not know where Sage had gone? Did she make her decision without informing him? Did she elope with Diego without telling Jaxon? I was a bit taken aback. I closed the door to his hospital room and moved to the chair beside his bed and decided to just answer the question and see what he was driving at. "She's in Arizona. With Diego."
Jaxon's expression made it very clear what he thought of that. "You're an idiot."
"So I've been told." I sat down heavily, understanding his point fully by just that one sentence. "Multiple times."
"You let her go." Jaxon shifted in his bed, wincing slightly. "You let her walk away without fighting for her."
"She made her choice."
"She made a choice based on you abandoning her for a week." Jaxon's voice was sharp despite his weakness. "Did you really not call her even once?"
"I was focused on Tommy—"
"Don't." Jaxon cut me off. "Don't make excuses to me. I almost died too, and you didn't bother to check if I survived surgery. So save the excuses for someone who might believe them."
The words stung but I deserved them.
"You're right," I admitted. "I messed up. Badly."
"Yes, you did." Jaxon leaned back against his pillows, looking exhausted. "And now my sister is in Arizona with a man she doesn't love because you were too scared to suck it up and be a man."
"I know."
"Do you?" Jaxon's eyes were hard. "Because you're sitting here accepting it like there's nothing you can do. Like she's already married and gone forever."
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked. "She doesn't want me anymore."
"Did she say that?"
"She said she doesn't trust me. That I showed her I won't be there when she needs me."
"And she's right." Jaxon did not pull his punches. "You proved exactly that. But that doesn't mean it's over unless you let it be over."
I wanted to believe him but the hope felt dangerous. "She left with Diego."
"She left hurt and angry." Jaxon corrected. "That's not the same as being in love with him."
"She's been gone for like a week. For all I know, they're already married."
"Then call her and find out." Jaxon's frustration was clear. "Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and actually do something."
"Like what?"
"Like fight for her." Jaxon's voice rose. "Like show her you're not going to give up just because things got hard. Like prove to her that you can be the man she needs you to be."
I shook my head. "It's too late."
"It's only too late if you decide it is." Jaxon sighed. "Look, I'm not saying this will be easy or that she'll forgive you right away. But you owe it to both of you to at least try."
"She doesn't want to hear from me."
"How do you know?" Jaxon challenged. "Have you tried calling her? Texting her? Anything?"
"No."
"Then you don't know what she wants." Jaxon leaned forward slightly. "Ryder, you're my best friend and my brother. But you're also being a coward right now. And Sage deserves better than that."
He was right. Again. Everyone kept being right and I kept being wrong.
We moved on to talk about club business. I updated him on the rebuilding efforts, the federal investigation, the funerals we had held. He listened and asked questions and gave advice, but underneath it all was the unspoken truth that Sage's absence hung over everything like a dark cloud.
But why would Jaxon talk to me like he was in support of our relationship though? He had always fought me, down to the day of the shooting. I didn't buy his concern for a second.
I left the hospital feeling worse than when I had arrived.
Over the next week, I focused on club business. I attended meetings with contractors about rebuilding the clubhouse and Jaxon's house. I made a lot of decisions about club finances and security and future operations.
I gave speeches at funerals for the brothers we had lost where I talked mostly about loyalty and family and brotherhood while feeling like a complete hypocrite. How could I lecture anyone about loyalty when I had abandoned Sage in her moment of need?
Tommy was discharged and recovering at my place. He asked every single day if I had called Sage.
Every single day, I said no.
"You're pathetic," he said on day eight of his recovery post discharge.
"I know."
"She's probably miserable in Arizona."
"Probably." I hoped she was, which made me a terrible person but I could not help it.
"So call her."
"And say what?" I demanded. "Sorry I abandoned you, please leave the man you're with and come back to me?"
"That would be a start." Tommy shifted on the couch, still moving carefully because of his healing wound. "At least it would show her you care enough to try."
"She knows I care."
"Does she?" Tommy challenged. "Because from where she's sitting, you let her leave without a fight. You let two weeks pass without contact. You're acting like she's already dead and buried instead of just in another state."
"I'm giving her space."
"You're being a coward." Tommy's voice was flat. "Hiding behind excuses like space and timing instead of admitting you're scared she'll reject you."
"Of course I'm scared she'll reject me." I snapped. "I messed up worse than I've ever messed up anything in my life. Why would she want me back?"
"Maybe she wouldn't." Tommy shrugged. "But you'll never know unless you try. And right now, you're guaranteeing failure by doing nothing."
I knew he was right. Jaxon was right. Even I knew I was being an idiot.
But the fear of calling Sage and having her confirm that it was truly over paralyzed me.
So I did nothing.
Two weeks after Sage left, I was in the middle of a meeting with the club's lawyers about the federal investigation when my phone rang.
I glanced at the screen to silence it and my heart stopped when I saw who it was.
Diego's name was displayed on the caller ID.