We take a few steps back, and he then places me on the table very close to my room.
I spread my legs so that they wrap around his body because that makes him closer, but not close enough for him, and I guess because he is pulling me closer.
He's squeezing my waist so tight and going lower and lower that I think I'm going to get all marked up and
Damn it!
What am I doing? I must be crazy! He's not Colin!
I must be desperate! I'm so ashamed of myself and my attitude.
I try to push him away, no matter how much my body doesn't want to do it. It becomes apparent when I make him away but return to his mouth again. But after a lot of fighting with myself, I ask him to move out.
He does so but looks just as confused as I am.
How could I do such a thing?
As soon as he walks out the door at my request, I realize what a big shit I have done.
I want to cry now, and I don't even know why.
I hate all this confusion in my head.
... Chris...
''Are you leaving or are you coming?''
Julie asks me as soon as we almost bump into each other in the hallway, and I say:
''After I left earlier, I'm already back, and now I'm going again.''
She smiles to hear me say this. She doesn't question it, though. Brennan accompanies Molly, and I know that they would much rather I not be home right now. I greet him and head for the elevator.
I can't stay here knowing that she is right next door after what we did, what I did, what she did, I don't even know how it started. All I know is that when I realized what a mistake, I made in not resisting and grabbing her, well... I don't think I can explain it to myself, so there is nothing better than drowning all this guilt in several shots of whiskey.
...
''Your friend asked me out.''
I raise my eyes from the glass in my hands and see a satisfied smile on the lips of Danya, the bartender.
''Who, Adan?''
She flashes me a smile shaking her head affirmatively. She has no idea what that guy looks like, but I'm not going to explain it. I'm pretty sure that maybe she knows, and yet she seems interested in him.
Or maybe it's just the alcohol taking effect and making me more confused.
So I say:
''That's great!''
And she turns around again to get a bottle. I look at the glass again because she's wearing those shorts again, and I'm not going to stare at her ass as Adan does.
I turn around as I hold my glass, keeping my back to her, and as soon as I look forward, I see a fascinating woman who pretends she wasn't looking at me when my eyes meet hers.
I decide to offer her a drink.
Sometime later, Amber and I are already in a very relaxed conversation.
...
I was in her apartment. She poured me a glass of wine and went toward her room. I like her way because she is not at all shy or full of frills.
She comes back wearing only black lingerie.
Oh, yeah! It is cowardice.
Not that she is wearing only that, because that is interesting, but the fact that it reminds me of someone else. She comes up to me in a parade, stops in front of me, and says:
''I bought this for my boyfriend, but he cheated on me with his naughty secretary earlier in the year.''
She says this laughing, and I think she has had a little more to drink than she should.
I can only think that we have more in common than I imagined.
She then turns around and says:
''Do you like it?''
I stand up and stand very close to her as I say:
''I think you'll be much better off without it.''
She smiles as she moves closer, and we kiss.
It's nice to be with someone I don't have mixed feelings for again.
... Molly...
''Baby, I'm home!''
I am sitting on the couch just as Colin arrives, about a half-hour after everything that happened. And as soon as I look at him with that smile, I regret even more what I let happen between Chris and me.
Damn it!
I don't want to think about him, not really!
I then put back on my face the best smile I can manage, stand up and walk over to Colin, who holds my waist and gives me a long kiss.
As we kiss, all I can think about is what happened earlier again, but I want to forget about it. I do. So I kiss Colin with even more intensity.
He stares for a while, kissing me and looking at my body and what I am wearing, and says as we walk towards my room:
''I swear I am loving this new Molly!''
I feel I can forget anything that happened because I don't want anything in the world to get in the way of the two of us now.
We arrive in my room. Colin closes the door behind me with one arm without moving away from my lips. And I love it so much. I love the way he makes me feel. I love that he holds me like this and not the way Chris does.
I can't believe I'm comparing him to Chris.
''No!''
I let a word escape my lips that shouldn't have come out. Colin turns away and looks at me, surprised but with an amused and curious smile on his face.
He says:
''What?''
I stare at him blankly, not knowing what to say now.
Then I look deep into his eyes, and I don't want anything to get in the way of us now, not even this guilt slowly consuming me.
So I just put my hand on his chest, making him walk a few steps backward until he is sitting on my bed.
He looks at me still with that curious and amused look. I put one knee on the bed where he is now sitting and give him a quick kiss on the lips, then turn away from him and slowly dispose of my hobby.