Chapter 83

Chapter 83
I didn’t know what to say, but I knew he was breaking just as much as I was, and with his hands warm against my cheeks and his body so close to mine, I could not understand how I was supposed to lose this.

“The goddess sees your heart,” I whispered, though even as the words left me, I knew they barely made sense. My thoughts were scattered, tangled beyond reason, and I was no longer sure I was thinking clearly at all.

He dropped one hand from my face, and the sudden loss of his touch made my chest ache.

“Lucien,” I called softly, my voice trembling as I reached for him again, needing to feel him, to reassure myself that he was still here with me, still real, still close enough to quiet the fear tearing through me.

Lucien’s lips twisted into a bitter smile as he took both my hands and rubbed slow circles across my knuckles. “As if finding out I wasn’t human wasn’t enough,” he muttered, anger bleeding into his voice. “Now you have to hear this too. I’ll ruin Nala. I’ll tear her apart and destroy everyone she has ever loved. She’s the reason all of this is so fucked up between us.”

A chill crawled down my spine at the venom in his tone. This was not an empty threat.

I shook my head slowly, unsettled by the darkness rising inside him. “She’s one of your people, Lucien,” I said carefully, trying not to let my fear show. “You can’t just kill her. I don’t like her either, but what do you think your pack will do if they find out you killed a wolf over a human?”

“You are not just any human,” Lucien growled, his eyes flashing with fierce intensity. “You are my woman.”

“Then listen to me,” I pleaded, stepping closer as I softened my voice, trying to pull him back from whatever dark place he was slipping into. “Please, Lucien.”

His expression shifted then, the fury in his eyes dimming just slightly as he looked at me. “I chained myself,” he admitted quietly, the confession sounding almost painful.

I frowned. “Why?”

“Because if I hadn’t, I would have killed everyone.” His jaw tightened. “That is what staying away from you does to me. My wolf has become feral at the thought of losing you.”

His words gutted me. The weight of his suffering crashed into my chest so hard it hurt to breathe, and for a moment all I could think was how cruel this was, how unfair it was that we had to suffer like this for loving each other.

My throat tightened painfully as I fought back tears. “I wish I could kiss your wolf,” I whispered, my voice shaking. “I wish I could tell him I love him too.”

A weak smile touched my lips at the absurdity of my own words. A few months ago, if someone had shown me this moment, I would have thought they were insane. Yet here I was, standing in the middle of a world that should have terrified me, and instead of trying to escape it, I was begging to stay.

“Make me yours. Turn me.”

The words slipped out before I could stop them, but the moment they did, I knew he had heard every syllable.

Lucien’s eyes widened, something primal flickering through them before he forced it back under control. “You’re willing to give up your humanity for me?”

I nodded without hesitation. At first the thought had come out of panic, but now it made sense. It felt like the only thing that made sense. “I can give up more than that.”

He shook his head immediately. “No. I won’t let you make that kind of sacrifice. Being a wolf is a curse I am not willing to pass onto you.”

“It wouldn’t feel like a curse if we were together,” I argued desperately. “This is the only way.”

“You say that because you don’t understand what being a wolf truly is,” Lucien replied, his voice firm again. “I will never place that burden on you.”

“I can learn,” I insisted, frustration sharpening my voice. “I learn fast, Lucien. If you were with me, I could handle it.”

His shoulders sagged slightly, as though resisting me was exhausting him. “I am not turning you into a wolf, and that is final. You still have your whole life ahead of you, and I will not destroy it.”

“Then what other choice do we have?” I demanded, my patience fraying. “You’re an Alpha. You can’t abandon your pack, and there’s no way for you to become human, so what else is left except me making the sacrifice? Or is that it? You don’t actually want me the way you claim you do?”

“You do not get to make the sacrifices,” Lucien snapped. “I do. I’m the one who swore to protect you, and I will protect you until my last breath, even from myself.”

I clenched my fists, anger burning through the grief inside me. “I hate that you keep acting like I’m weak.”

His gaze softened instantly. “You know I don’t think you’re weak.”

“Then let me fight for us too,” I shot back, my voice trembling. “My life has already changed, Lucien. Nothing will ever be normal again, so stop trying to protect me from choices that are already mine.”

“You still don’t understand why I can’t turn you,” he said quietly, pain threading through every word.

“Then make me understand,” I challenged, stepping closer again, refusing to let distance grow between us.

Lucien drew in a slow breath before lifting his eyes fully to mine.

“I’m in love with you, Allison,” he said softly. “With all of me.”