After Igor had recovered somewhat and I was pretty sure that Bene wouldn't come back any time soon, we made our way back to the house.
This time I ran myself, even though it would probably take forever, but I didn't want to put the big guy next to me through my horse abuse again, even though he seemed more of a donkey in terms of stamina.
Unfortunately, the sun was slowly disappearing and dark clouds were gathering, which seemed pretty normal in autumn. It was just as changeable as my emotional state at the time. On the one hand I wanted nothing more than to go home, on the other hand I was slowly getting used to life here ... and that after two days ... but it probably had something to do with the fact that I felt attached to Silvan since I came of age was.
"Can you still?", Igor tore me out of my thoughts and that's when I realized that I was the one panting like she was climbing Mount Everest. I waved my free hand off, taking a deep breath.
"Yeah, don't worry," I replied while taking a closer look at his scars. He also turned his gaze to me at that moment and caught me staring, whereupon I immediately looked ahead again where only trees could be seen.
"When I came here, I often had to prove myself," he suddenly explained, and I immediately stopped and looked at him, confused. I had never heard that anyone who lived here wasn't born here. Our city was isolated from the rest of the world and it only happened once every few years that people strayed here.
"When you came here?" I repeated his statement questioningly and then listened to him curiously while we slowly continued to walk side by side.
"Nine years ago, when I was 17, I and two friends had the brilliant idea of going on a hike. We wanted to hunt, especially bears and deer. When after days we still hadn't found a single animal and our days from it insisting on putting up and taking down tents, we arrived in this forest here and kept hearing the sounds of an animal, but we could never locate it."
He paused for a moment, looking around the forest as if trying to remember.
"We felt like we were being watched. We started fighting shit about everyone and regretted even leaving. Then one evening, one of my two friends heard a loud rustling sound that seemed very close. He urged us, the source to get to the bottom of the noise and then suddenly there was a little brown wolf standing between the trees, who just looked incredibly beautiful. He looked at us curiously and started jumping happily back and forth."
Igor smiled and looked over at me. I had to smile too. Since it was unfortunately forbidden for us lower levels to transform, I had never seen a little wolf. I imagined it to be really sweet. But then Igor's eyes suddenly became sad and cold as ice.
"One of my friends drew his gun and laughed. I puked because somehow this little wolf had touched my heart and I imagined us taking a child from a mother. That was out of the question for me. Immediately I was about to take my friend's gun away but he pushed me to the ground and kept aiming at this little creature with a grin. Then everything happened very quickly. I scrambled up off the cold forest floor, grabbed my gun and before he could pull the trigger, I fired in his head."
My eyes widened in disbelief at what he was telling me, and I stood frozen, holding my breath deep in my lungs. He noticed me stopping and stood right in front of me.
"Listen. I had to do it, now I know why, even though I wrestled with myself and the pack for a long time. My other friend turned his back on me and I never saw him again. I followed the little one Wolf, came here and immediately struggled with being human. Like I said, I had to prove myself a lot."
He pointed to his scars and I continued to listen, even though I was still in shock.
"This little wolf that I saved from death back then is called Felicia and today she is my mate..."
There was a brief silence as I processed what I had said and he turned around to slowly walk on. I did the same and only then did I realize why he had no stamina. He was a normal person. A human who felt his connection to the wolf when she was little. I also realized that the two must be far apart in age, as was me and Silvan, which was apparently more normal than I assumed.
"Do you sometimes feel bad because you killed someone?" I asked curiously, and although I didn't want to know anything about murder or anything, this question kept swirling around in my head.
He turned to me briefly and shook his head in the negative.
"Every day when I see Felicia and her smile, I know I did the right thing and I would do it again and again."
Thoughtfully, I continued to follow him, wondering if I could kill someone for someone I loved.
Probably not. I'm far too cowardly for that, at least that's what I thought at the time.
Exactly, when we finally arrived at the edge of the forest and saw the house from afar, it started to drizzle slightly, which resulted in that wonderful smell that I loved so much rose to my nose.
"I'll take you to the house and then I have to leave again."
I nodded and hoped internally that Silvan would be there, even if I would never admit it, but I felt I needed his presence after this eventful morning..
****
Already slightly soaked from the drizzle, we arrived at the front door, where Igor said goodbye and walked towards the city.
I watched him for a while as he walked along the street between the houses and it was getting darker and darker around him, because the gloomy clouds were slowly taking over more and more of the sky.
Before it really started to pour, I opened the door behind me and first thought about why people thought they should equip their windows with armored glass but left the front door open at the same time...
Didn't make sense, did it?
As I walked in, slammed the door behind me, and turned on the warm glow from the overhead lights, I was immediately struck by the fact that everything seemed unchanged.
We must have been gone for two hours, so Silvan didn't seem to have returned from anywhere in the meantime.
I hobbled along with my crutch to the bright kitchen island and sat down on the stool to examine the card with the teddy bear again. My eyes flicked to the phone, then back to the map, and I was suddenly terribly nervous not knowing where that idiot was.
At another?
Angry at that fleeting thought that infected my mind and spread like the worst virus ever, I dropped the card and just tried to think of something else.
But how to distract yourself in an empty house where there was nothing to do?
At home, when I was bored, I listened to music and danced through the room, but I didn't see a music system here, and I didn't want to twirl my crutch around.
Rolling my eyes, I then got up from the stool and ran to the window to look out at the rain, which was slowly but surely claiming everything for itself. As the rainwater flowed down the road leading down into town, the wind blew the trees and it got darker and darker too, which I thought was kind of beautiful.
It was getting later and later and I was still standing by that window next to the kitchen island. Stared outside, lost in thought, until I realized that after yesterday's action, he certainly wouldn't come today.
I had shamed him and hurt him too...which he deserved. He couldn't just take everything, regardless of the losses. At least in humans it shouldn't be like that. He could have introduced me normally, taken me out to dinner or to the movies... but he chose to take me out of my life violently and without compassion.
A slap or two was totally warranted... wasn't it?
"My God!!!" I cursed at myself, covering my face with my hand. It almost drove me insane that all my thoughts revolved only around him. That stupid mate thing was really getting on my nerves...
and that already!
Tired of feeling guilty about waiting by the window like an old housewife, I hobbled over to the stairs to hop up them.
Before I went to my room in confusion, my eyes fell on the door across the way, which probably led to his bedroom.
I chewed my lower lip nervously and suddenly two voices were arguing in my head. One was full of curiosity, the other full of doubts.
Should I or not?
Getting more and more nervous, I decided to take a quick look inside. After all, he had kicked in the door at my house, so I could probably enter his bedroom.
With one hand on the handle, I immediately pictured a bed with black linens. There were probably condoms and handcuffs in the bedside table and maybe he had installed a pole for stripping.
Where did these confused ideas suddenly come from???
Shaking my head, I opened the door and switched on the light, only to open my mouth in astonishment.
There was nothing gloomy here, on the contrary.
One wall consisted entirely of shelves made of light-colored wood, on which were masses of books and plants. Immediately impressed, I groped my way across the dark blue, round carpet and marveled at the huge selection before glancing sideways out of the window, which offered a great view of the forest.
Right behind me was a king-size bed that my eyes were now drawn to, made up with crisp white linens. Only two throw pillows had the dark blue color of the carpet.
The last thing I noticed was the massive sliding door closet next to the bed, the front of which consisted entirely of mirrors, which I looked at uncertainly.
I didn't like invading people's privacy, so I hopped back to the door, only to stop short when I noticed a red ribbon hanging from one of the drawers of a small black dresser that was next to the large closet.
I bit my lip again and told myself to just let it go...but I just couldn't.
I quickly padded to the drawer, opened it and widened my eyes in shock.
"Oh shit," I muttered to myself, staring at the underwear inside.
Bras, lingerie and also thongs. Really scarce looking stuff that would surely belong to a cheap person, and yet I was instantly so jealous that I clenched my hand into a fist and banged my crutch on the drawer so hard it banged shut with a loud bang.
At the same moment I almost shuddered to death, but not because of me, but because I heard the front door downstairs, which also slammed with a loud bang.
My pulse was racing and I quickly hopped to the door, but stopped abruptly when Silvan appeared in the door frame, soaking wet, and looked at me in surprise.
He was dressed all dark and his hair was black, the rain dripping down onto the carpet while all you could hear was the patter from outside.
"I'm sorry," I blurted out immediately, nervously avoiding his gaze to stare at the floor.
Where the hell did my courage go???
"Found something exciting?" he asked calmly, too calmly, taking a step towards me while his glance fell to the dresser behind me.
"I wasn't looking for anything," I explained sheepishly, and the closer he came, the further I backed away, until I suddenly felt the closet on my back, swallowed hard, and Silvan was now so close in front of me that I almost thought , I would go into cardiac arrest.
My gaze met his and I seemed to be mesmerized by his dark eyes while I took uncontrolled breaths and didn't know what he was going to do with me.
Damn crap!
****
There was nothing I could do, unable to do anything but look into the darkness of his irises, which were closer to me than ever before and in the darkness of which there was still a flickering light that held me captive.
He was a bit taller than me, looked down at me from above, and put his hands on the cupboard on either side of my shoulders so that no sheet could have fit between our faces.
Exactly this closeness turned out to be a real problem for me, because my eyes constantly flitted fleetingly over his lips as if I wanted to kiss him, although this desire only came from my wolf, not from me, but he certainly thought I was his already completely surrendered.
"Nervous?" he whispered softly and at the same time began to twist a strand of my brown hair around his finger without once taking his intense gaze from me.
Yes! I was damn nervous and he knew it too. My rapid heartbeat drowned out the sound of the rain pounding incessantly on the roof and also my uncontrolled breathing surely told him that I was out of control at the moment.
But I didn't want to admit it anyway.
"N-no," I stuttered reluctantly, then bit my bottom lip like I always did in uncomfortable situations from which there was no way out.
But was all this still uncomfortable for me? Because a part of me really enjoyed being stared at by him like that, even if it was only a small part.
Before I could think any further about his attraction to me, he suddenly pulled away from me. He withdrew his arm, took a step backwards, and then looked back at the dresser of shame, which caught my eye on her again, and this acrid jealousy spread through me like poison injected straight into a vein. Unstoppable, it rushed through me and created a menacing growl in my throat that I wanted to stop, but it came out against my will to the surface, which only made Silvan grin in amusement.
Why did he have to keep challenging me???
"It's none of my business," I began when he finally gave me some air and room to breathe again, pointing at the dresser. "But that's just sick. You should be ashamed!"
I glared at him, but this bastard suddenly started laughing in amusement like I'd cracked the joke of the year. I felt like I was in the wrong movie and got even more angry than I already was.
"What's sick about that?" He raised an eyebrow questioningly, crossing his arms after running a hand through his black hair, which was still wet from the rain.
"Because apparently you collect trophies! And that too from cheap sluts!" I blurted out as I padded to the dresser and opened the drawer. "I mean, who wears that?!"
I ripped out one of the bras and held it to my chest in a showy fashion, wanting the see-through piece to show that it was just really, really gross to keep something like that.
"Viola," he said suddenly, and while his stupid grin grew even bigger, I felt my cheeks blush and realized at that moment that I had called his sister a cheap tart.
"She stayed in your room before, but went back to our parents' when it was clear you were coming. The things were still in the laundry room."
How many faux pas would I actually make?
Rolling my eyes and embarrassed at my completely needless jealousy, I put the bra back in the drawer and closed it, then looked around the room nervously. I didn't want to look at him. By now he must have thought I was totally insane, which was sort of true.
I felt not only crazy, but also torn. Especially since last night, when some things had changed in me and my thinking. There were feelings I couldn't place, cravings I couldn't satisfy, and thoughts that drove me further and further into insanity.
"Jade," I heard him whisper, then winced as he took a step toward me and placed his warm hand on my cheek.
There it was again, that tossing. This all-consuming connection that made it really difficult for me to think clearly and logically. Just touching his hand triggered so much in me that I couldn't even begin to describe it.
It seemed to me that everything had become more intense. The effect of his eyes on me, his smell that made me feel safe and secure and even his voice had such a special sound that I was magically drawn to it.
"I know you're completely overwhelmed," he whispered softly and also put his other hand on my other cheek so that he gently held my face in his hands to look deep into my eyes. "When I first saw you in the forest, I was just like you. I felt anger, overwhelm, jealousy and so much more. But one thing felt more real and stronger than anything else, and that was that our souls were one have a connection that no one else would understand."
With a racing heart I listened to him, feeling his breath on the skin of my cheeks and feeling this bond that would never let go of us again.
My knees went weak and I wanted to avoid his gaze, but his hands didn't give me a chance, so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, only to open them again and startle myself in front of him again.
"Silvan!" I yelled, jerking back a step, causing me to lose my balance and flop painfully onto my ass.
He just wanted to kiss me! And without my permission!
"Fuck, Jade," he said apologetically and held out his hand. "I thought you wanted that. I mean, you closed your eyes and-"
"Yeah yeah I know," I interrupted him annoyed at myself and took his hand in mine to be helped up. "You should learn to read body language."
I glared at him and wanted to free my hand from his, but he suddenly pulled me close to him, brushed my hair back and whispered in my ear.
"When a woman stands in front of me with her heart beating fast and her breathing so uncontrolled, and she keeps looking at my lips and closing her eyes, then I'm not the one misinterpreting body language, she's the one who is can't admit what she really wants."