Chapter 145 EVALUATING THE LOSSES
DEREK’S POV
I stood on the ridge above our land and watched the smoke rise. It used to be clean air up here. Pine, wet earth and the river. Now it smelled like blood and burnt wood.
Below me, our warriors moved slowly between the broken houses. Some carried the wounded, while some carried the dead.
We had lost too many. I felt it in my chest like a weight I could not shake off. Not fear, not grief. Just the truth.
If they attacked again today, we would lose.
I flexed my fingers and pain shot up my arm. The rejection still sat inside me like poison. My wolf had not healed from it. Every shift drained me and every fight left me shaking. I could not hold my form long enough to lead a full battle.
And Amber…
Amber was strong. Stronger than she even understood but her power did not listen to her. It rose and crashed like a storm without warning. One moment she burned bright, the next she was weak and dizzy. We could not build a battle plan around something that unstable.
I turned when Beta Lucas climbed up to me.
“We lost twelve,” he said quietly. “Five more won’t make it through the night.”
I nodded once.
“And the borders?” I asked.
“Barely holding.”
Golden Moon had grown too big, they had taken the Pack. They had more warriors than we did now. More supplies and more land and they were not tired.
I was.
He hesitated. “Alpha… if they strike at dawn again…”
“We won’t survive it,” I finished for him.
He didn’t argue, he didn’t need to. I dismissed him and stayed alone on the ridge.
For the first time since I became Alpha, I allowed myself to think clearly. We cannot win like this. I had two choices. Wait and watch my pack fall piece by piece or do something dangerous.
I went straight to Fauna. Her quarters were dark, heavy with herbs and smoke. She was already awake when I stepped inside, like she had been expecting me.
“You look worse,” she said.
“I feel worse.”
She studied me. “Your wolf is still split.”
“I know.”
She walked in a slow circle around me, her fingers hovering but not touching. “The rejection damaged more than your bond. It shook the balance between man and wolf.”
“I don’t need a lesson,” I said. “I need a solution.”
Her eyes sharpened. “There are no easy ones.”
“I’m not looking for easy.”
She was quiet for a long time. Then she turned toward a wooden chest in the corner. It was old, older than the pack.
“You remember the totem Damien found?” she asked.
I did. The thing should not have existed. Power pulsed from it like heat from fire and we had locked it away after learning what it could do. No wolf should carry that kind of strength.
“It was sealed in Purgatory for a reason,” I said.
“Yes,” Fauna replied. “Because the spell tied to it is not meant for creatures like us.”
“Speak plainly.”
She opened the chest and pulled out an old scroll. The paper looked ready to fall apart.
“This spell,” she said, “was buried because it gives more power than any Alpha should ever hold. It tears down the wall between wolf and man and fuses them fully.”
I stared at her. “What does that mean?”
“It means you would not shift anymore, not in the way you understand it. The wolf and the man would become one being. Constant and permanent.”
A man-beast. The word formed in my head before she even said it.
“You would gain strength beyond any Alpha,” she continued. “Speed, endurance, rage. Nothing would stand against you.”
“And the cost?”
She met my eyes.
“You would lose the line between your human heart and your wolf instinct. Mercy would fade and control would be harder.”
“How hard?”
“If the spell lasts too long, it becomes irreversible.”
I let that settle. No going back.
“You’re saying I would stop being… me.”
“Yes.”
I turned away, thinking. If I did nothing, my pack would die. If I did this, I might lose myself.
Fauna spoke again, softer now. “There is enormous sacrifice in this, it was buried for a reason.”
“Everything powerful is buried for a reason,” I said.
“You may not come back from it.”
“I don’t need to come back,” I replied. “I need to win.”
She closed her eyes briefly. “Amber will never agree.”
“She doesn’t have to agree.”
“She is your mate.”
“I am her Alpha.”
Fauna watched me carefully. “If you choose this path, you must anchor yourself somehow. A limit, a time frame.”
“How long before it becomes permanent?”
She hesitated. “No one knows for sure but the scroll warns… beyond three cycles of the moon, the change locks in.”
Three months. That was more than enough time to crush the Golden Moon or die trying.
“Prepare it,” I said.
Fauna’s voice dropped. “Once I begin, there is no turning back.”
I nodded once.
“I know.”
Amber found out before sunset. She stormed into Fauna’s chambers while we were still setting the markings on the floor.
“You are not doing this,” she said, her eyes blazing.
I dismissed the guards with a glance, this was not their fight.
Fauna stepped back, wisely silent.
Amber walked straight to me. “Tell me this is not what I think it is.”
“It is.”
Her hands trembled, but not from fear. Power sparked along her fingers. “You are not turning yourself into some cursed creature.”
“It’s not a curse.”
“It will be.”
I held her gaze. “We cannot win like this.”
“We will find another way.”
“There is no other way.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
She laughed sharply. “So your answer is to destroy yourself?”
“My answer is to protect the pack.”
Her jaw tightened. “By losing your humanity?”
“Humanity does not win wars,” I said evenly. “Strength does.”
She stepped closer. “And when will strength take over? When you can’t tell friend from enemy?”
“There will be limits.”
She looked at Fauna. “Will there?”
Fauna did not lie. “If he keeps it short, he may return.”
“May?” Amber snapped.
Silence filled the room. Amber turned back to me. “This is not a strategy, this is suicide.”
“No,” I said calmly. “Suicide is sitting here and waiting for Golden Moon to strike again while I can barely hold my shift.”
Her eyes flickered at that, she knew it was true.
“You are unstable,” I continued. “Your powers spike and crash. I cannot base our survival on something unpredictable.”
Her face went pale. “So now I’m the weakness?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
I kept my voice steady. “This is not about pride or feelings. Look at the numbers and look at the wounded. We are outmatched.”
Tears filled her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. “And you think becoming a monster fixes that?”
“Yes.”
The word hung between us.
“Yes,” I repeated. “It gives us an edge they cannot prepare for. One decisive strike, one overwhelming force. We break them before they understand what they’re facing.”
“And after?”
“After, I will end it.”
“You don’t know if you can.”
“I will.”
“You’re gambling your soul.”
“I’m investing it.”
She stared at me like she did not recognize me.
“Derek,” she whispered, “you won’t be the same.”
“I don’t need to be the same.”
Her power flared suddenly, knocking a shelf against the wall. Glass shattered as Fauna raised her hands to contain it.
Amber’s voice shook. “I won’t let you do this.”
I stepped closer, lowering my tone.
“This is not about us.”
“It is always about us.”
“No,” I said firmly. “It’s about them.”
I gestured toward the door and toward the pack outside, the injured and the children.
“If I fall in battle as I am now, what happens to them?”
She didn’t answer.
“If the Golden Moon breaks through our borders, what happens to them?”
Her breathing grew uneven.
“You think I want this?” I asked quietly. “You think I want to feel my wolf swallow my heart whole?”
“Then don’t.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice.”
“Not when lives depend on it.”
She pressed her hands against my chest, as if she could hold me in place.
“You’re asking me to watch you disappear,” she said.
“I’m asking you to trust the plan.”
“Trust?” she repeated bitterly.
“Yes, because this is strategy. Three cycles and no more. We gather every warrior and we strike hard and fast, we end the war before the spell locks in.”
“And if it does?” she whispered.
“Then at least the pack survives.”
The words were cold. I knew they were but they were true.
She searched my face, looking for hesitation. She didn’t find any, finally, her shoulders dropped.
“I hate this,” she said.
“I know.”
“I hate that you’re right.”
I didn’t answer.
Her voice hardened. “If you lose yourself… I will drag you back.”
A small, tired breath left me. “Then don’t let me stay gone too long.”
Fauna stepped forward slowly. “It must begin before midnight.”
Amber grabbed my hand tightly, like she was memorizing it.
“This is for the pack?” she asked one last time.
“For the pack,” I confirmed.
And as the first circle
was drawn on the floor, I felt my wolf stir inside me, restless and hungry, like it had been waiting for this all along.
BROKEN BY POWER