20.

CHAPTER-TWENTY.

Xyriel is stiff against me, and while my brain tries to process what I'm currently doing to him, my body and heart is clearly already processed what they want. I hold Xyriel by his head and push my lips even harder against his. He releases a gasp as I tear my lips away from him to get a proper look at him. There's a pink tint on his face — a blush. Not what I was expecting, but it makes him look so cute.

“That's a kiss,” Xyriel says softly as he blinks as though he's trying to get something out of his eyes. “You just kissed me.”

“Yes,” I say. I'm not even shy. If anything I want more, but I also don't want to look desperate. “Did I catch you off guard?”

He gazes at me with an expression I haven't seen on his face before. The pink tint is still there, but there's something in his eyes — curiosity, maybe? I can tell he has a question on his mind.

“Say it. Ask whatever you are thinking,” I encourage him.

“Did you kiss me for survival?” He asks, his voice steady.

“What-?” I'm dumbstruck by his Question, but I totally understand where he's coming from. After all, I am the one who told him all about my experience kissing and pleasuring men for survival, to gain something in exchange. I don't need to think twice about his question as I shake my head. “No.”

His eyes widen a bit as he throws the next question at me. “Then, why did you kiss me? You said if kissing isn't done for survival, it's done because two people like each other, right?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“Oh,” he replies, surprise coloring his voice. “Do you like me?”

“What do you think?”

“I don't know. You tell me.”

“Yes,” I answer honestly, feeling my heart stutter in my chest. For some reason I can feel my eyes sting with tears as I stare at Xyriel, the man I have unknowingly fallen for. Perhaps it's because he's the first man to ever treat me like a human. “I want to know about you, Xyriel. Do you like me?”

Xyriel seems to be thinking about my question as he places his hand underneath his chin, rubbing it thoughtfully. “What exactly does it mean to like someone?” He asks innocently.

Of course, Xyriel doesn't understand ‘love’ or even ‘like.’

“Tell me, Ophelia. Can liking someone be learned?” He probes further, breaking eye contact with me. “If it can be learnt, I want to learn it. I want to like you too.”

I feel a rush of warmth at his earnestness, my heart palpitating with a flicker of hope and a mix of admiration for him. “Love can be learned,” I say, taking my gaze to the window. I stare at the countless numbers of moon in the sky. “Love is about understanding your partner, sharing moments together, creating memories, and finding joy and peace with one another, or even just the joy of spending time with each other. Liking someone can grow into love, just like how a platonic friendship can develop into a romantic relationship.”

“I like spending time with you,” he mutters, and my heart skips a beat at that. Is this his way of telling me that he likes me? “I believe I understand you and I can read you. Memories? We can create some. Sharing moments together? We can start doing that. I want to love you, Ophelia. The right way.”

Tears well up my eyes at his words. I know I shouldn't be acting all up in my feelings considering some of the recruits might probably be used as a sex experiment right now. But for a moment I want to be selfish. I want to know what it feels like to get butterflies in one's belle, to love and be loved in return.

I want to know all about Xyriel.

I tear my gaze away from the night sky back to Xyriel, only to find him staring right back at me. He’s smiling—a beautiful smile that clogs my thoughts as I kiss him once again. This kiss feels different, more urgent, like a spark igniting a flame. My heart races fast as I deepen the kiss, pouring all my emotions into it.

Xyriel responds this time, with an equal intensity. His hands find their way to my waist, pulling me closer as if he’s afraid I might slip away. The warmth of his body against mine sends electric sensations coursing through me. I’ve had countless partners, but this moment feels unprecedented; it’s more than just a physical act for a room to stay the night, or bread to eat to survive —this is what it feels like to kiss someone you like.

“Ophelia,” he whispers breathlessly between kisses, his voice trembling with a mix of pure curiosity and confusion. “I want to understand you… all of you.”

My breath hitches at his words, and suddenly, the memories of all the nights I spent with strangers, the prison guards, the man I killed, and even hundreds of other faces that I can't remember, flood my mind. I had always used sex as a means to survive, a way to gain safety or a meal. But with Xyriel, I feel a yearning that goes beyond mere survival. Is this what it feels like to want to make love, and not just have sex? To want to be vulnerable in front of the one you love?

“Then let me teach you about sex,” I reply, my voice low and sultry as I press my body against his, basking in the heat radiating off him.

I guide his hands, placing them on the back of my butt. “Just like this,” I instruct, feeling a thrill run through me at the feel of his hand. “Feel me.”

He hesitates for a moment, then grips me lightly, his touch becoming more confident by the second. “Like this?” he asks, his voice thick with curiosity.

“Yes, just like that,” I breathe, tilting my head back to give him better access as I savor the feel of his warm breath on my skin. “You’re doing great.”

He leans in, planting soft kisses along my neck, and I let out a soft sigh to encourage him to keep going. I’ve been taken anyhow by men before, forced to be their cumdump, to be treated like nothing but sextoy, but this feels different. With Xyriel, everything feels different—pure, almost innocent, and new. It's making me feel like a highschooler about to have sex for the first time with the love of her life.

“Ophelia,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against my ear. “What is… sex?”

The question sends a jolt of desire through me. I meet his gaze, my heart racing. I have totally forgotten he doesn't know anything about sex even though that's why me and other recruits are on his planet. I clear my throat as I begin to give an explanation. “It’s an expression of intimacy, a way to share yourself, your body, with someone.”

His eyes widen with fascination, and I realize he’s genuinely curious. “Have you done it before?”

Have I? I have. I wonder if he'll be irritated by the fact that I've shared my body with hundreds of men, but I decide to give an answer anyway. “Yes. I have.”

“Survival?” he asks, vulnerability evident in his voice.

“Yes,” I reply, noting the frown on his face. He's probably disgusted with me. “It’s fine if you don't want to do that or even continue—”

“What, no!” His hold on me gets tighter and Xyriel fumes. I've never seen him like this before. “Like you said, it was all for survival. If anything I'm mad that you had to do all that and no one was there to protect you. I wish I knew you back then, then you'd have been my treasure.”

I feel a rush of heat and an overwhelming feeling in my heart at his words. He didn't even judge me.

“As long as I'm the only one you like, and you want to do this with me, then I feel honored, Ophelia,” he adds. “I want to learn about sex,” he insists, his determination igniting a fire within me.

With a deep breath, I nod, trying to curb my tears before it can even fall. Xyriel pulls me closer, our bodies aligning. The tension builds between us as I guide his hands to the rope of my wrapper gown and unknot it, before it falls off me, leaving me naked. He watches me with wide eyes, a mixture of awe and desire etched on his face.

“Beautiful,” he breathes, and I blush at his genuineness.

I take his hands and guide them to my breasts, encouraging him to touch me. “Just feel, Xyriel. You can explore my body. I want you to.”