46- The way she is

“I see she has the same problem as you do.” I almost jumped out of my skin. This motherfucker.

“What the fuck? When did you come in here?” Fucking Tony was standing behind me looking over my damn shoulder.

“It says a lot that you didn’t hear me come in. Why don’t you call her and put her out of her misery? It’s obvious she’s looking for you. Damn girl’s about to get a crick in her neck.”

He slapped me on the shoulder and left the way he came in. Damn nuisance. Since I’d been caught I felt a little off watching any longer. I was a little annoyed at him for interrupting just when things were getting interesting.

I turned off the computer and sat there lost in my damn head. I stared into space for a good ten minutes trying to get my thoughts together.

I tried to figure out why this particular female was staying on my mind when none other had in the past. Why something as simple as her looking towards my office door as if looking for me should mean so much?

I wasn’t yet convinced that my interest in her was for any romantic reasons at all. It was more that something about her tough exterior with the solemn eyes had reminded me of so much of my youth.

Something about her had tapped into memories of my childhood and watching my mother struggle. Even just thinking about it made my heart ache.

The fact that she was all alone in the city, willing to do whatever it took to survive. The hard shell that shielded the softer, gentler inner core.

They were all a perfect mix that tugged at my heart strings is all. It had nothing at all to do with me wanting her as my woman. Just as a song or a certain scent can trigger memories and make you melancholy, her similarities to my mother is what was fucking with my head.

That was the conclusion I came to at the end of my inner reverie. I wasn’t losing my mind and my freedom wasn’t at stake. Mom is gonna have to wait a few more years for that daughter in law and grandbaby she was hankering for.

I felt better after drawing that conclusion, like I could breathe again. With my head back on straight I was able to concentrate on other things, though she was never far from my mind. At least she was no longer taking it over completely.

Miami in just a few days. Though I found myself rushing in order to get back to New York. I pushed myself until I dropped into bed at the end of each night, too tired to think.

I spied on her a couple more times over the next few days, and worried about her safety when it was time for her to leave at the end of the night once her shift was over.

I didn’t see anything that needed my attention, no one was messing with her as far as I could see, and I was able to relax. I was still telling myself that my interest in her was strictly that of someone who cared for the wellbeing of another human being and nothing else. At least it made the time go easy even if I missed her for no good damn reason.

Usually I’d take a few days in between cities to relax somewhere, but this time I was planning to head back to New York once I’d taken care of the two clubs in Miami.

Tony had been taking it easy on me the last few days and hadn’t mentioned her since that day in the office, for which I was eternally grateful.

He and mom must’ve had some sort of powwow because she never mentioned her again either, but I could hear the excitement in her voice each

time we spoke.

Suddenly she was more interested in coming home than going on the rest of the trip she’d been ecstatic about just a few short days ago. I have to keep her ass out of the country before she has me hitched before I knew what the hell was going on.

That said, I found myself getting more and more anxious the closer the time came to leave and head back to New York. I must’ve checked my watch a hundred times the day I was set to return until even Tony shook his head and gave up.

I was nervous as hell about seeing her again and had all sorts of unmanly thoughts, things I’d never experienced before, not even with my first girl.

Like did she miss me? Was she as miserable without me there as I was? When I found myself giving into such thoughts I’d pull myself back to reality and remind myself that I wasn’t interested.

Why would she miss me? She didn’t even know me. And apart from her constant glances at my office door, I hadn’t seen anything in her actions to say that she had any real interest in me.

From what little I’d seen on the screen, she seemed focused and not at all bothered by my absence. Once again I found myself questioning my own feelings of confusion and why that should bother me so.

I spent way too much time wondering why and how she was able to stay on my mind the way she has. And why each time I thought of her I got this insane urge to protect her; keep her close.

I put my anxiety down to just a natural concern for a young girl alone in the city. I’m sure I would’ve felt this way about anyone else, that she was nothing special.

After all, I’m known for championing the underdog. There was obviously something going on with her and with my penchant for saving lost souls I’d picked up on it that’s all.

I put it all in perspective on the plane ride back and came to the conclusion once again that there was nothing more going on here than my innate need to

protect someone I felt needed me.

I know how dangerous my city can be for anyone who doesn’t know the ropes. It was the fact that she was a new transplant who seemingly had no one to rely on, and that hungry look mixed with sadness in her eyes.

These were the things that had thrown me into a tailspin and brought back memories of harder times in my own life. So it wasn’t such a stretch that I had reacted that strongly to her in the beginning.

Tony was off his game this time.