Chapter 39 : Adrian...

After debriefing Carson on Pearl's situation and taking the report from Dr. Singh, I escort them to the front door and return to seek my elusive Esclave.

I find her in the dining room, sitting in my place on the table. A new plate of steaming eggs and beacon sits in front of her while she pokes at her scrambled eggs mindlessly, her gaze turned to her right, focusing on the chessboard pattern on the wall.

I take a pause and lean a shoulder against the doorframe, studying the left side of her profile in bemusement, never tiring of watching her.

So still. So quiet.

She's such a peculiar creature.

A deep ache starts in my heart and I fist my hands, refraining from rubbing over the spot on my chest. *Can I do this? Can I really send her away for good?* No answer comes to me. I'll just have to do it and see what happens.

I am so not ready to let her go. And I would have never even thought about it, if Lucas hadn't called me right after I left my Esclave on the stage last night. I was angry at her for rejecting me, even hurt when I recalled how she'd scrambled away from me.

But Lucas had sounded sure and calm on the phone, but I sensed his urgency when he told me about the new movement of Balthazar. I had to put her thoughts aside and focus then.

Turns out, the bastard was biding his time. We don't have any idea what caused this ripple, why he suddenly moved so quickly and dropped out of our range. Just disappeared. He had been within traceable territory until last night.

Something must have happened. There has to be a reason. But this time, I'm not going to wait around for him to reveal his plans. I'm going to find him and finish him for once and for all.

Straightening away from the wall, I clear my throat and wait for her to face me.

She doesn't turn immediately, as I had expected. Instead, she freezes up in the chair then quickly grabs a couple of tissues and dabs at her face. I frown and approach her before she can finish whatever she's doing.

“What's the matter?” I shove back the chair beside her and kneel, pulling her hasty hands away from her face. “Are you okay?”

She nods emphatically, but when she raises her eyes up to meet my gaze, they are overflowing with tears.

Concern deepens my mood. I scoot closer, cupping her cheeks and staring deep into her soulful eyes that always reflect so much pain and love for me. It physically costs me to restrain myself around her and not crush her against me, make her a permanent part of me.

“Talk to me. I promise I'll listen. I was being an asshole before. But I swear I am not sending you away because I don't want you. I'd never let you go if I could keep you safe here with me. But things have changed and I need to make sure no harm comes to you because of my battles. You can come back to me after it's all done, okay?” I run my fingers through her hair and bring her face close to me. “If you want to then, of course. No pressure.”

“I wish I could trust you, Adrian. I desperately do. But I don't trust you. You've made so many promises since the day I met you, but you rarely ever kept them.” She places her hands over mine, not to give comfort but to remove my hands.

Shoving away my disappointment, I rushed to explain myself. “I never broke my promises on purpose, Pearl. Situations kept changing and shifting that demanded for better decisions. I just did what I thought was right.”

I knew it was a helpless attempt to regain her faith. And she confirms my suspicions with the twisted smile she returns. Her eyes lose their ambient light and it makes me realize that either it's going to take me a long time or I'll never have her faith again.

I want to howl in range and misery but all I do is give her space.

She doesn't like that.

She moves with me and stands up. Before I can turn away, she lunges at me and her lips reach for mine. Unable to break out of my shock, I just stand there, paralyzed and get knocked off my game when her lips capture mine in a searing hot kiss that sends euphoric agony racing through my veins.

Tugging at my lower lip, she grabs a hold on my hands to keep them by my side when I try to wrap my arms around her. “I don't want to leave. But I also want to live. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Adrian, even if I don't trust you.”

“You don't—”

“Hush. I'm not done talking yet.” She gives me a grim, determined look. “If you can guarantee somehow that you'll be safe and come to take me back with you, I'll stay with Carson and figure out how we are going to adjust in our relationship after this weird reunion. But it will not change the way things are between us. You're mine, Adrian and like or not, I'm yours too. You chose to keep me with you in the beginning. I want to end this nightmare by choosing to stay with you. No more hate and compulsion. I won't let us starve for what we can have together.”

I opened my mouth to object but seeing the look in her eyes, the flicker of that hope again, I couldn't do it.

Instead, I ask earnestly, “whatever you want from me, it's yours. Tell me. How can I win you over again?”

This time when she places her hands over mine, she gives them a tight squeeze and presses closer. “Take me back in that room, to that stage, to your chamber, anywhere and do what you've always wanted to do to me. Do with me. I want you to show me you love me. Why you do and how you do.”

I suck in a sharp breath at the heavy dosage of lust and desire in her words. The desperation and craze.

“I want all of you, Adrian. All of you. Good, bad, damaged and dangerous. Give it to me, take me for yourself and we won't ever need a guarantee again.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, my tone clipped but lethal. “Do you think you can handle it all?”

“I do.”

Her firm reply and the determination shining in her eyes is all I needed. “I hope you know what you're doing, Pearl, because I sure as hell don't. But I'm not stopping this time.”