Chapter 22

Turning from human to wolf outside the full moon involves communing with a side of herself that Kira once did not know existed, but she thinks she’s good at it.

Maybe it is because she wants her to feel good about herself, so much more inexperienced than the rest of the pack, but Jayden tells her that most people take many weeks or months before they can change at will.

Kira finds it easy. Her wolf has spent years being pushed down deep inside, trying to claw free at the full moon.

She doesn’t struggle to communicate with it.

Much like meditation, which she has tried in the past to quell her episodes and settle her anxiety, it is a matter of clearing her mind of the intrusions of daily life.

Thoughts are replaced by instincts. Worries are replaced by calm.

On Jayden’s instruction she pictures a serene beach (though Jayden chose a forest) and she imagines running.

The footsteps begin on human feet, the sand between her toes, but with every pace she feels the steps become softer.

Her paws thump on the sand. Freedom takes over. The wind in her hair becomes a gentle breeze rippling through her white fur, cool on her hot skin.

Kira feels close to her wolf.

When she closes her eyes and finds that link, she feels the way that she did the last time her mother hugged her.

One with everything that matters in her life.

The two of them shift deep in the forest. Jayden warned her that while everyone in the town knows that werewolves keep the perimeter safe at night, they might still be startled to see such a transformation in front of their eyes.

Jayden has promised to show her a special place in the woods where the other wolves don’t stray, and Kira can’t help but buzz at the prospect of visiting Jayden’s sanctuary.

They pad through well-worn trails. Still sensitive in her new form, Kira stops whenever something digs into one of her pads to lick her paws.

She is clumsier than Jayden, unused to this body.

Dry tonight, the forest welcomes them. Kira never feels cold in her wolf form.

The journey feels short, but Kira can imagine that on human feet the hike might take hours.

Jayden leads her into the undergrowth, where branches snag at Kira’s fur, and she whines, but the Alpha presses on, and she can only follow.

Being unable to communicate is a strange experience. Occasionally, Jayden says words of encouragement.

A little further.

You’re doing well.

One paw in front of the other.

His sentences are short. Kira thinks he must lose some grasp on his complex human communication, replaced by the basic instructions and reassurances of the wolf pack.

For her, being unable to speak, she first feels frightened, especially that Jayden will think it’s uncomfortable that he gets no response to anything he says.

After a while, though, Kira can forget those human thoughts and lean into her wolf, deferential to her Alpha, and her mind clears. She feels at peace.

Jayden’s private place is so covered in plant-life that it is invisible to the naked eye, but Kira can smell him around every spot.

Wolves are territorial, after all. Gnarled tree roots rise up from the earth, covering the entrance to the small cave.

Thick leafy shrubs bury any traces of its body. Without following the exact path that Jayden had taken, Kira would have missed the small entrance.

Jayden lays down, eyes up on her, and it’s a vulnerability the Alpha would rarely betray.

Kira pads forward to lie down beside him. Their bodies press close, warm in the cold night.

Being close to Jayden in the daytime is one thing, but like this, she feels at home, at peace. She closes her eyes and rests her chin down on her paws.

The noises of the woods are loud to her sensitive ears, from the rustling of the leaves to the whisper of wind that wends its way through the trees.

In its own way, the sound is music.

When she opens her eyes, they adjust quickly to the darkness again.

Ahead of her is the mossy green earth, one fallen branch with mushrooms growing from its body, and a tiny cluster of white winter flowers.

During the night, their petals are closed but by morning they’ll open in search of the smallest glimmers of sunlight.

Kira watches them. Did anything ever look so beautiful to human eyes?

She feels safe here, enclosed by the den of the cave.

The shape is formed from a tree that has long-since fallen, tearing up the ground with its roots.

Her wolf instincts seek protected places like this.

They seek a strong Alpha, too, who could protect her better than any cave.

You like it?

By way of an answer, Kira bumps her head at Jayden’s neck before remembering that it’s the most vulnerable part for a wolf, and she looks down in shame.

Jayden, unaffected, nudges her back, until he rests his face on the back of her neck, like the two of them are connected by their most exposed part.

When they’re in this position, neither of them look so exposed.

Kira wonders whether she’d be able to defend Jayden in a fight.

Jayden tells her that such a thing isn’t her role, but she hates the idea of her Alpha being faced with foes without her being there to protect him.

Liam and Sam’s concern over the neighboring wolves makes her nervous.

They might be paranoid, but they might not be.

The thought of some other wolf getting too close, snarling with those vicious teeth, perhaps surrounding him if there was more than one of them 

Jayden is strong. He’s the biggest of the wolves. But that doesn’t make him invincible.

Kira hasn’t seen wolves in the wild, but she’s seen dogs fight in videos, police dogs trained to kill, and she shivers.

Her human instincts would tell her to run, but her wolf instincts would tell her to put herself between an enemy and her Alpha.

Whether the fact that the Alpha is Jayden

Makes a difference that isn't clear to her in this form.

Would she defend anyone?

But it’s Jayden.

Perhaps sensing her distress at all these thoughts bouncing around, Jayden nuzzles her face, and then starts to lick at her neck and her ears.

Kira leans into it, almost falling onto her side as her wolf curls tight in against Jayden.

In the morning, she might pull a face at the thought that Jayden licked her fur.

Oh, it’ll definitely seem gross. But her body relaxes until it feels almost like liquid.

The comfort is nothing like what she felt in a human embrace.

She rests her head on one of Jayden’s paws, almost double the size of her own.

The flowers glow under the moonlight where they break through the canopy.

The further they drift from the full-moon, the more Kira feels an aching, yearning in her gut.

She wants the next moon. She wants to be here for the next moon.

She can’t bear the notion of walking away from here.

Jayden grooms her, nibbles at the tips of her ears, and it tickles so much that Kira rolls over and nuzzles at his neck.

Her legs fold up to her chest and she curls up against him.

This is definitely what Noel called snuggling.

Fuck.

There’s no one here to see them this time, though.

Kira can watch the white flowers anticipate their morning bloom and accept the attention that the Alpha lavishes upon her without fear of being observed.

She has been shown to this special, most secret place, saturated with his scent, and that must mean something right?