Chapter 15 Lost of the Diary
Days and weeks have passed, her friends kept avoiding her mostly Mackie. She tried to talk to them to patch things up with them but they were still mad at her. They seemed so hard to reach them. She was sulking and starting to lose hope in their friendship. It seems like they were willing to give up and forget their friendship just because she chose to stay with Thyago. Why couldn't they understand her and just be happy for her? She was not asking for them to support her, she just wanted them to remain her friends and bring back the relationship they had before, but why they couldn't forgive her?
And Thyago, ever since Elena became his girlfriend, he seldom fetch her before and after school so she ended up always riding a bus. He seldom hang out with her too for he got busy pleasing his girlfriend. There are times she felt so alone and lonely. She doesn't have her friends and Thyago was never there too but she have to bear it. She chose Thyago over her friends, she brought this to herself and that's the price she has to earn.
Every time she was sad and alone, she always find herself writing in her diary and putting all out her frustrations and pain there. She has to let this feeling out or else she will explode. She has no one to confide in but her diary, it might be one good reason to feel better somehow even just for a while. But that night was different. Pulling out the drawer and searched for her diary, it's strange because it was not there. She tried searching it in her bag, under the bed and pillows, in her closet and almost in the whole room but she never find it. Feeling agitated, she tried to composed herself and thought for a while. She doesn't usually bring her diary in school or outside the house so there's no way she left it anywhere. She tried searching again but she failed to find it. She doesn't wanna entertain bad thoughts like someone stole it or someone sneaked her room and meddle her things because everything seems at the right and proper places. She took for granted the idea and calmed herself thinking she just misplaced it. She decided to go to bed and get ready to sleep. She'll just try searching for it some other time or tomorrow maybe.
To her surprise, days and even weeks went by, the diary was nowhere to find. She suspected that Elena might steal it but she wasn't showing any signs that she knew about her feelings for Thyago. She was even sweet and generous to her these past few days. Projects and extracurricular activities at school kept her busier that's why she lost time to look for her diary. Getting worried she realized if someone have read her diary, her secret will be revealed and that's the thing she most feared the most. It will be going to be her early death. One more thing that worried her is her best friend Mackie. He wasn't attending school for almost two weeks now and she wonder what's happening with him. When she tried to talk to Hannah about it, she just took her for granted and snapped her the words:
"Don't pretend that you care, Bea, because you only care for yourself! "
That very moment after Hannah left her. She cried hard. Her best friends were mad at her. It was the very same words Mackie accused her of. Selfish- is that what her friends viewed her? Will she ever have them back? Will their friendship still have a chance?
As days passing by her friends still avoided her and another thing that disturbs her mind is the loss of her diary too. Her worries and fears are getting stronger for her greatest secret was kept in that diary. Her relationship with Thyago is at stake if ever that secret got revealed and that is the one thing that scares her more- to lose their friendship. Until one night, in her room after school, she never thought her doom will be sooner than she expected. Elena entered her room without knocking.
"You bitch!" A dark and fuming mad Elena banged the door open.
"What the heck is your problem?" she burst out angrily.
"Ugly witch, an evil villain, is that what you call me you stupid dumb ass? You are a real bitch!" Being stunned with her revelation, she felt aghast when she saw Elena clinging to her precious diary.
Sudden coldness and different mixed emotions rushed into her. Anxiety and greatest fear struck her. Her ultimate secret has finally been revealed. She can't able to speak any words, seems like she had swallowed her tongue at the moment. But how does Elena had her diary?
"What? Can't able to say anything? You fooled us, you bitch! All along, Thyago thought you were his friend but you have your selfish motives in befriending, you deceitful witch!"
"I-Its not what you think Elena--"
"Shut the hell up! You still have the guts to lie? It was chronicled in this filthy diary of yours, bitch! Let's see what will happen to you if Thyago finds about this." She said evilly then walk out of her room.
She got alarmed so she stand up immediately and tried to stop Elena. She was about to pull the diary from her but she pushed her aggressively until she fell to the cemented floor. She saw Elena got stunned by her own drastic moves but that was just for a moment. She then laughed mockingly when she saw her stumble to the floor. She got hurt on the impact but she never mind it. Her thoughts are to get back her diary from Elena so she immediately stands up but it's too late when Elena runs fast going to her room and locked her door. She tried to knock on her door but she just heard Elena's vicious laughter. There is no way she will open that door. She left Elena's door and went back to her room crying.
No! This shouldn't be happening! I gotta do something! I have to take that diary back from Elena. I can't lose Thyago. He's the only thing I got now, I can't lose him...
The next thing she knew, worst turned to worst. The whole campus find out about her diary and her feelings for Thyago were revealed. There were banners and printed copies of her diary posted all over the campus. She turned out to be the laughing stock of school and even Thyago started avoiding her. They used to bully her and calling her names like Thyago's stalker, Fantasy girl, Miss Pathetic, and other different foul names that hurt her feelings. She tried to talk to Thyago and explain her side but he seemed closing doors to hear her explanations. Seems like Elena had polluted his mind already. She felt so depressed and so alone. She has no one to turn to and even her friends are mad at her still. Mackie's nowhere to find and still not attending school for almost three weeks now and Hannah kept on ignoring her. There were times that she doesn't wanna go to school anymore but she knew she has to, she can't disappoint her father. She was being bullied at school and at home Elena keep on insult her and making her life miserable. There are times she will find herself crib at night and then wake up just to cry for her miserable condition. It somehow affected her grades for she was failing some subjects. She just hoped this school year will end easily.
One morning she attended school, its the first time no one called her such disgusting names around the campus and no one dared to make fun of her even in her classroom like they used to since she became bullied because of her diary. But despite that strange behavior of everyone, a bad news was announced by their Class Adviser. Their teacher announced that Mackie had passed away. She couldn't help to gasp in shock while the rest of the class was engulfed by silence. She suddenly felt numb all over and ask herself if she was only dreaming. She felt her body shaking terribly while tears started to stream down on her face. Mackie can't die, he was a healthy person. If it's a joke, it wasn't funny at all.
Their adviser said they found him dead in his room this morning and it was self-inflicted death. He was under the influence of drugs and he might be dealing with family problems and so as being bullied at school for being bisexual that's why he did such a thing. She don't wanna accept the fact that her friend was gone. Mackie is not the kind of person who'll use drugs to forget his problems. He had always been a good kid. She knew that because they almost grew together. They've been friends since elementary and he might be good at hiding problems but he was not the kind of person who can hurt himself when he has problems. She can't find a reason why he did that to himself? He was so young and they still have a future ahead. She felt being bullied and had no one to turn to but never in her deepest mind that she can attempt suicide. That is a crime not in the eyes of humans but in the eyes of God. We can never take away the life He let us borrow. Never came to her mind that she can physically hurt herself just to run away with misery. Their teacher even said a lot of reasons and possibilities of his suicide that she couldn't accept but everything made no sense at all when she suddenly felt dizzy and weak. Her eyes get blurry as darkness and silence slowly engulf her.