Chapter 30 - Forgiveness

She held my palms and said, "I want to invite you!" Her eyes were like shining stars during night and her lips was in vibrant because of the red lipstick that she was using to make them beautiful in red.

"Invite?" I did not have any idea about what she was talking about. I waited her to hand me an invitation, but it did not happen.

Her held on to my palms went tighter as she was trying to compose the sentences that she was about to say. "I want to invite you to come with us. We'll climb a mountain on Saturday, and I want you to come with us. I'll introduce you as my new friend to them. Will you come with us?"

I carefully detached my palms from her grasp and gently grabbed my bag because I needed to go home. "Zen, I can't answer your question at this point of time. I need ample time to think of it. Let me decide first."

"I understand. Just reach me out once you have thought about it." A smile from her lips reached me as if it had hands to touch my heart. "I'll wait," she assured.

"Thanks!" I stood up as I hanged my sling bag on my shoulder, I felt the heaviness caused by the thick educational books inside my bag. I tried to compose myself in order to find the best words to bid goodbye to her. "Zen?"

Her forehead puckered a little before she replied, "Yes?"

"I need to go. B-bye." I smiled to her to assure her that we had a great talk. My feet were excited to take a step, but I could not immediately walk away from Zen.

"Okay. Take care, huh." Seemed like I suddenly had an instant friend who was so thoughtful and caring. I had never imagined that Zen would release those kind words from her mouth.

The smile on her lips did not fade immediately and it was very wide, she was still sitting on the chair and was smiling to me. I was not just making a story but that was really the first time that Zen smiled so sweetly to me.

"I will."

I was about to turn my back and walk away when..."Kaede?"

"Why?" I asked confusedly.

"You can sit on my pink chair anytime...anytime you want." Thankfully, I was able to breathe after I heard that it was just about her chair.

"Noted. Thanks! I really need to go." I waved my right hand before my feet started stepping away from her, every step was very breathtaking because of the thought that Zen might call my name again. Luckily, she did not call me again.

I was able to go out from the campus without any hindrance that intercepted. I had thought of going to the doll house to see if Draco was there, I really wanted to apologize to him because what I did was disrespectful.

There was a change in my plan as I let myself to just go with the flow...with the flow of my sudden thoughts.

The breeze softly touched my skin, as if it was telling me to go somewhere else to be able to think effectively. I stopped walking and just glanced to the sun for a while, its bright light dazzled me for seconds.

I chose to continue walking and just feel the warmth that the sun was giving me.

Then, I reached my destination after minutes and it did not cause me any trouble. I could not understand myself why I went there again. It was just a mountain, but it seemed like it was always calling me. I did the same things that I did when I first went there: I sat down under the same sycamore tree that was synchronously waving its leaves along with the gust of the wind. The sycamore tree was huge that I did not want to find out what was behind it, but I was comfortable to sit in front of the tree because it was not creepy there.

I was tempted to lay down on the grasses and take a nap, it seemed like sleep was persistently calling me. But I knew that laying down would just soil my clothes, so I just chose not to. I rested my back on the tree as I let myself breathe to escape from my mouth before I finally started thinking.

Slowly closing my eyes as the birds sang made me experience the serenity...the serenity in the aftermath of the tension that happened between Zen, Mayb, Draco and I. "Life really never fails to give me surprises and at the same time, sufferings."

"Is that an enough reason for you to be rude to the people who just want to care for you?" A different coldness embraced my system after I heard that voice, it was a cold voice. I could not explain how I shivered to the extreme level, as if I had seen a ghost under the sycamore tree. I was guilty.

"S-sorry...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just wanted you to stop pestering me that time because of what happened between me and our group leader. Negativity consumed me. At this age of mine, I still have difficulties in controlling my emotions, in restricting bad words from coming out, and most importantly, in deciding for everything. I am not holistic yet. Please forgive me." I almost burst in tears, but I never let myself to. I did not want him to pity me.

Admitting that my development as an individual was not holistic yet had hurt my ego, but he should know it. He should know that I was suffering...That I was always afraid to speak up my thoughts because the people might misunderstand or judge me. That it was always late for me to realize that I had already hurt the person.

"Apology accepted."