Chapter 51 Chapter 51
Chapter 51 Chapter 51
CASSIAN'S POV
The flight back was silent.
I stared out the window at the clouds below. White and endless. They looked soft. Like something you could fall into and never come out. I wished I could fall into them. I wished I could disappear.
The woman next to me asked if I was okay. I nodded. She did not believe me. She did not push.
I did not sleep. I did not eat. I did not cry. There were no tears left. I had used them all on the curb outside Dominic's apartment. The curb in the rain. The city that did not care. The night that swallowed me whole.
I looked at my left hand. The ring was still there. Silver. Simple. The one he had put on my finger. The one he had worn on his. The one he had replaced with gold. I wanted to throw it out the window. I could not. My hand would not open. My fingers would not let go.
I closed my eyes. Saw his face. The shock in his eyes when I kissed him. The coldness in his voice when he spoke.
Why did you drag your pathetic ass here?
Pathetic. That was what I was. Pathetic and broken and stupid. I had loved him. I had trusted him. I had given him everything. And he had used it all against me.
The plane landed. I walked through the airport. Past the families hugging. Past the couples kissing. Past the people who had someone to come home to. I had no one. I had nothing.
I took a taxi to my apartment. The one I had not been in for weeks. The one that felt like a stranger's house. I unlocked the door. Stepped inside. The air was stale. The windows were dark. The furniture was covered in dust.
I sat on the couch. Stared at the wall. Did not move.
The hours passed. The sun set. The room grew dark. I did not turn on the lights. I just sat there. Breathing. Existing. Dying.
I thought about my father. He had been calling for weeks. About the internship. About the future. About the legacy. I had ignored every call. Now I needed him. I needed to escape. I needed to leave this city. This country. This life.
I called him at midnight.
"Father," I said.
"Cassian." His voice was cold. Disapproving. "You have been avoiding me."
"I know. I am sorry."
"Are you ready to talk about the internship?"
"Yes. But I need something else first."
"What?"
"I need to leave."
There was a pause. "Leave where?"
"Somewhere else. Anywhere else. Another country. Another university. I do not care where. I just need to go."
"Why?"
I opened my mouth. Closed it. The words would not come. How could I tell him? How could I admit that I had fallen in love with the wrong person. That I had been used. That I had been destroyed.
"I need a fresh start," I said. "Please. I am asking you for once. Just this once."
Another pause. Longer this time. I heard him breathing on the other end.
"Fine," he said. "I will make some calls. There is a program in London. A year abroad. You can start next month."
"Thank you."
"Do not thank me. Just do not make me regret this."
"I will not."
I hung up. The phone slipped from my hand. It fell onto the couch beside me.
I looked at the ring again. Silver. Simple. The only thing left of him. The only thing left of us.
I took it off.
The metal was warm from my skin. It sat in my palm like a dead thing. Like a memory I could not bury. Like a wound that would not heal.
I stared at it. The agony was fresh. Raw. It had not faded. It would never fade.
"I should have never fallen for you," I whispered.
The words hung in the air. Hollow. Broken.
I put the ring in the drawer. Closed it. Did not open it again.
\---
The next week was a blur.
I packed my things. I sold my furniture. I gave away my books. I said goodbye to Darius. He hugged me. Held me tight. His eyes were wet.
"You do not have to go," he said.
"I have to."
"You are running away."
"I am surviving."
He did not argue. He just hugged me tighter.
"Call me," he said. "When you get there. Call me."
"I will."
I did not believe myself. Neither did he.
\---
The day before I left, I walked through the city one last time.
The coffee cart on the corner. The old man with the pigeons. The tree with the crooked branch. The university. The library. The fountain in the quad.
Every place held a memory. Every memory held him.
I walked to his apartment. Our apartment. The one we had shared. The one where I had burned eggs and worn his shirts and slept in his arms.
The door was locked. I did not have the key. I had given it back. I stood outside for a long time. Then I turned and walked away.
I did not look back.
\---
The next morning, I got on a plane to London.
I did not tell anyone. Not Darius. Not my father. No one. I just left.
The seat next to me was empty. I stared out the window. The city disappeared beneath the clouds.
I did not cry. There were no tears left.
\---
DOMINIC'S POV
I stood in the apartment after he left.
The door was still closed. The air was still cold. The rain was still falling outside the windows. I touched my lips. They were still tingling from his kiss.
The kiss.
It was not a kiss of love. It was a kiss of goodbye. I had felt it in the way his lips pressed against mine. The desperation. The pain. The broken hope.
He had kissed me and then he had said he hated me.
I hate you for making me love you.
The words echoed in my head. Over and over. They would not stop. They would never stop.
I looked at my left hand. The gold ring was still there. The one the bride had put on me. The one that meant nothing. The one that was not his.
I tore it off. The metal scraped my skin. I threw it across the room. It hit the wall. Fell to the floor. Rolled under the couch.
I fell to my knees.
The realization hit me like a wave. Cold. Drowning. Unstoppable.
I loved him.
I had always loved him.
The plan was revenge. The plan was to destroy him. The plan was to make him suffer the way I had suffered.
But somewhere along the way, I had fallen in love with him.
The blackmail. The threats. The kisses. The nights in my bed. The mornings in my kitchen. The way he looked at me when he thought I was not watching. The way he said my name when he was tired and his walls were down.
It was not a game. It had never been a game.
I loved him. I loved him. I loved him.
And I had destroyed him.
I sat on the floor. My head in my hands. My shoulders shaking. The tears came. Hot and fast and endless.
I had won the game. I had avenged my mother. I had destroyed Cassian.
But I was not happy.
I was broken. Destroyed. Empty.
I had lost him. I had lost the only person who had ever loved me. The only person who had ever seen me. The only person who had ever made me feel like I was enough.
I stood up. Ran to the door. Ran down the stairs. Out of the building. Into the rain.
The street was empty.
He was gone.
\---
The next day, I left Italy.
I flew back to the city. My father called. I did not answer. My grandmother called. I told her I was fine. I was not fine. I was not anything.
I went to Cassian's apartment. The door was locked. The windows were dark. No one answered.
I went to our apartment. The one we had shared. The one with the memories and the burned eggs and the shirts on the floor. The door was locked. The windows were dark. No one answered.
I went to the university. I searched the library. The quad. The common room. The benches where he used to sit. The corners where he used to hide.
He was not there.
I found Darius. He was walking across campus. His face was pale. His eyes were red.
"Darius," I said.
He turned. Looked at me. His fist connected with my face before I could react.
The pain was sharp. My head snapped to the side. I stumbled back. My hand flew to my cheek.
I did not fight back.
"Where is he?" I asked.
Darius laughed. A bitter sound. Hollow.
"He is gone," he said. "He has fucked off from your life. Be happy."
The words hit me like a punch to the chest.
"Where?" I asked. "Where did he go?"
"I do not know. He did not tell me. He did not tell anyone."
"You are lying."
"I wish I was lying. But I am not. He is gone, Dominic. You did this. You broke him. You destroyed him. And now he is gone."
Darius walked away. I stood in the middle of the quad. My cheek was bleeding. My heart was broken.
I had lost him.
I had lost Cassian.
And I had no one to blame but myself.