As i got closer to home my stomach was doing flips and i honestly couldnt stop my hands from shaking. I got to the front door and was surprised i didnt shake the handle out of the door as i opened it. As soon as i stepped inside i heard my mums voice from the kitchen calling to me. I slowly removed my shoes and braced myself for the tongue lashing i was about to receive. As i walked into the kitchen my mum was sat at the table a mug of tea in front of her and a stern look on her face. She looked me over and then signalled for me to sit opposite her.
“ so shall we talk about what happened on saturday ?”
I hesitantly nodded as she continued.
“ you never speak to me like that, what were you thinking? I hope this behaviour wont continue young man or you may just have to find yourself somewhere else to live. I know its a difficult time for you what with all the hormones and such but that doesnt mean you loose all respect for me.”
I sat silent as she spoke these words her usual softness to her voice now gone, each word felt as hard edged as a knife and very one sunk deep. Thier was a part of me that wanted to argue back saying she didnt know what it was like at all, i fought this urge and simple responded by nodding to begin with showing i understood and then replied.
“ i know i am sorry, i was with some new friends and i know i shouldnt have spoken to you like that especially as you do so much for me. i really am sorry it wont happen again”
In the back of my mind their was a little voice that was whispering,
“ maybe if she calmed down abit and just let us do what we want it wouldnt be so bad”
After our conversation my mum served up tea for both me and my sister. We sat and ate in silence for the duration of the meal and as usual my sister was on her phone the whole time. My mum was clearly distracted as she didnt say anything to her. I sat contemplating what i was going to do at school the next day. I wasnt sure if this weekend had allowed me the chance to hang out at school with the cool kids or if i would be returning to the outcasts where i had started. After we had eaten i gathered up the plates and took them to the sink. As a way of showing my mum i was sorry i did the washing up for all of us and put the clean dishes away.
That night i fell asleep without the aid of any drugs or alcohol, this was a mistake. I found myself yet again falling into blackness. I thought these nightmares or rather this nightmare had stopped plaguing my sleep. I could not have been more wrong. I was once again in the middle of a battle field with bodies being cut down all around me. This time i was able to see that the swords being used were of a golden colour and all the armour was either gold with silver details or silver with gold detailing. One side was clearly the silver and the other was golden. As i looked down i saw my own armour was silver with gold detailing.
This detail was new i had never noticed the armour or swords before. This time the nightmare was definitely more vivid and i could see more things i had previously never noticed. The battle field for example i could now tell was on a large field with a perfect sunset in view. The sky itself was a mix between orange and red almost like the sky itself was bleeding from the battle. As ever the other side won the battle and the 4 of us who were spared were once againn put into stockade style restraints. I looked down at my bindings and once again found that i coud notice more detail. Their was a language written on them that i couldnt understand but it was flowing and almost seemed to be gently swaying.
After a while the same voice spoke, it was the same statement as always about breaking a law that was given to us by our creator. Once again i felt the sharp pain in both my wrist and my back. The end was different this time though as i felt myself falling i could see a castle made of pure white marble watching over me as i fell further and further seemingly endlessly and nothing i did seemed to make a difference to how i fell. It was always backward and no matter how hard i tried to turn myself it just want happening. I jolted to a sudden stop and could feel my back burning even more as again my arms and legs felt restrained. I tried to look around i couldnt see anything. I couldnt even see my arms and legs. I waited restrained in the darkness a feeling of betrayal and hurt coursing through my body.
As i waited in this darkness i suddenly woke up, i was sweating and physically shaking. I immediately realised that when i was under the influence of anything like alcohol or even cannabis i didnt have these dreams. I stood up and made my way over to my jeans. I reached into the pocket and found the bag of cannabis. It stil had some left inside it and i knew i had atleast one cigarette in my pocket aswell. I looked around for something to roll it into a viable smoke and was lucky enough to find some rolling papers in my pockets aswell. I sat back in bed and pulled out my folding desk, i put my phone torch on and sat trying to be as quiet as possible as i rolled. As soon as i had finished rolling i put on a t-shirt and carefully made my way down the stairs to the back door so as not to wake up the sleeping house. As i made my way through the kitchen i saw that it was 2 am. I had to be extremely careful when unlocking the door and letting myself out not to make any noise at all.