Chapter 36—Aiden

I’ve been sitting by the window for the last couple of hours, smoking a cigar while I watch Olivia sleep.

Although I’ve done this a number of times since she’s been here, this moment feels like déjà vu.

This particular moment feels the most similar to days ago when I realized I couldn’t get enough of her, and I wanted more.

I wanted more, and it was clear to me she wanted more.

She was wrapped in my sheets then too, and she looked just as spent from her wild night with me.

Today feels like another defining moment.

One I should have seen coming, and maybe, just maybe, I should have stopped it in its tracks.

Wanting more from her was the onset of how I feel now.

Watching her fall over the side of the cliff and having the vision of her death massacre my heart was what pushed everything I felt for her to the next stage—right to what I never wanted to feel for anyone ever again.

When I saved her, my heart opened, and in that moment, I accepted all the reasons why I’m holding this woman captive.

I accepted that I don’t want to let her go, and that’s why I’m still holding her captive to the emotions that overpower me when I’m with her. Everything inside me beckons me to keep her safe.

If I let her go, I allow her to go back to Jude, and that means danger.

If I let her go, she won’t be mine anymore.

If I let her go, she’ll leave me with the emptiness I’ve felt for the last nine years.

She’s like Beauty, and I am the beast. A merciless man who knows that what lays before him is something he shouldn’t have.

I’m selfish for wanting to keep her, but there is a part of me that’s not being selfish when I think of the danger she’ll be trapped in if I allow Jude to have her.

As the radiant beams of sunlight spill over her body, Olivia rolls onto her side and reaches for me in her sleep.

My mind wants to imagine her doing just that fifty years from now and me sitting here like I am with my cigar, aged with all life threw at me, but happy.

It’s just a dream.

A nice one, even if nice, isn’t for men like me.

When she looks at me with those eyes, the same color as the sky when it meets the sea, and sits up with the sheet covering her breasts, her eyes flash with that glint of desire.

She wants me too, and just like days ago, I want to call her over to ride me, lose herself in me and fuck me the way she wants.

As hard as my cock is, and as badly as I want her, I can’t and won’t entertain the thought of having her.

There’s much left to unearth, so I need to focus today and put the pieces of the puzzle I have together. I also need to tell her about Eric. The confirmation he’s alive is something she should know, although I don’t have much else to tell her.

“Morning,” I say, putting my cigar out.

“Good morning,” she mutters, and her cheeks flush.

I walk over to her, and she hugs her knees to her chest.

When I lower to sit next to her, she reaches out to touch my face. My fucking face which still hurts like a bitch and probably looks worse than anything.

“Thank you for saving me,” she rasps. “I’m sorry I hit you. I shouldn’t have done that. I just freaked out.”

I chuckle, and she seems surprised. “I’ve had worse injuries. I’ve got thick skin. It’s used to taking a beating, angel’skoye lichiko.”

“Why do you call me that? You’ve been calling me that since you met me. I’m not an angel, Aiden.”

“You are one to me.”

A slight smile slides across her lips, and the effect of watching it is so potent it’s priceless. It’s there for a few seconds, then it’s gone, but for the fleeting moment it existed, I want it to stay there. To always see it. To see her look more beautiful than she already is.

As it fades, darkness and desperation come back in her eyes, along with pain.

“If you knew what Jude did to me, you’d never call me that.”

The thought of what he might have done enrages me. “What did he do?”

A tear slides down her cheek. “Lock me in a cage and break me. Over and over again, until there was nothing left of me but a shell who agreed to do anything to save her mother.”

I bite down hard on my lip until the metallic taste of blood flows over my tongue.

No wonder she freaked out when I threatened a cage last night. I hadn’t meant it. But she didn’t know that.

“I heard you and Maksim talking the other night,” she confesses, and I hold her gaze. “I didn’t mean to listen in on the conversation. When he suggested killing me, I thought…”

Her voice trails off.

I know what she’s thinking, and I can’t correct her because she would be right to think I’d take the advice of my Sovientrik. I’m at the very least supposed to consider it. Except I didn’t, not for a second.

“No,” I say. “I wasn’t going to. I meant what I said last night. I can’t kill you, and by the same token, I can’t let you go.”

She bites into her lip, and the shadow of worry fills her beautiful face. It’s time to clarify the truth of what I mean and possibly delve into the idea I have for her mother that’s been brewing in my mind since the other day: a plot which will undoubtedly fan the flames of war.

“I can’t let you go, Olivia, because you’re safe with me,” I state, and her eyes lock on mine.

“What?”

“You’re safe with me, and I can’t let you go back to San Francisco because I can’t let Jude have you. Letting you go would be putting you in danger, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

As we stare at each other, a moment of lightness passes between us in the space of silence. Like someone lit a candle in the dark and chased away the darkness filling the void.

One tear slides down her cheek, followed by another, and another until her eyes brim with water from her soul.

Her hands tremble, and I cover both with mine. Our joined hands highlight the major differences between us; me with my prison tattoos on my fingers enveloping her dainty hands that look like they belong on a doll.

“You… care for me that much, Aiden?” she mutters, her voice heavy with emotion.

“Yes.” I meet her eyes and squeeze her hands. “So you’ll stay with me until it’s safe. Things might get a little hectic here because I’m sure Jude knows I have you. And, yesterday, we found evidence that Eric’s alive.”

Her mouth falls open, and the blood siphons from her face. “What? What did you find?”

“His signature. It was retinal scanned. There was something he sent to Jude.”

“Oh my God. Do you know where he is?”

“Not yet, but we’ve got our best people looking into it. I am looking into it.” I need to make it clear that I’m doing it, so she knows.

“My God, Aiden, I can’t thank you enough. I can’t. I truly can’t.”

“Don’t worry.”

“I wish I didn’t have to, but I do. Jude will take out his frustration on my mother.”

I don’t doubt that, and that’s why I have to do what I have to do.

Again I squeeze her hand, but I cup her face this time so she can stare into my eyes.

“Don’t worry, angel’skoye lichiko.”

“But my mom—”

“Don’t worry about your mother.”

“No?”

“Trust me. I can’t tell you anything yet, but just trust me,” I know I’m asking her to do the thing I haven’t been able to do for close to a decade, but I’m asking her to do it anyway. “Can you trust me?”

“Yes.” She nods, looking at me as if I just offered her all her dreams. “I trust you.”

“Good, now come here to me.”

I move in to kiss her, and she comes to me willingly like she’s really mine.

I’ll take a kiss, if nothing else, from the angel.

The knock on my door makes sure that’s all I take, and we move apart.

“I’ll be back,” I say, glancing at the door.

“Okay.”

There are only a few people that could be knocking on my door at the crack of dawn.

I pull my joggers on and open the door.

I knew the person was either going to be Maksim or Ilya. My first guess was right.

Maksim stares back at me and glances over my shoulder at Olivia on the bed.

His face tenses showing his displeasure at seeing her obviously naked and wrapped in my sheets when he told me to kill her.

I haven’t spoken to him properly since.

I step out of the room, close the door, and he follows as I walk down the corridor until I’m at the long French windows, right out of earshot of Olivia hearing anything.

He looks over the gnash on my face and tugs on his bottom lip.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Persephone’s P.A. contacted the office. He was trying to call you last night, but your phone was off. They want to set up a meeting.”

Finally, Persephone is back.

“When?”

“Today. They want you to call with a time. The P. A. said to bring one of the D’Agostinos.”

My eyes narrow. “Why?”

“Because fucking Madam Persephone will feel comfortable with someone of Italian descent accompanying you. She doesn’t want you bringing anybody from the Bratva either.” Unmistakable anger laces through his tone.

It’s understandable. Maksim is an extension of me. He could be and would be Pakhan if anything happens to me. So the expectation of the same respect is there, and no one talks that kind of shit to him.

“Why the fuck are you going to see her, Aiden?” he demands.

“She gave Jude money. I want to know why the wife of a Syndicate member was giving that bastard money.”

“Money. Is that all?”

He knows I’m not telling him everything. While I know he’s not working with Jude, I’ve held my tongue about Eric as a precautionary measure.

“Yes.”

“I thought we agreed to never lie to each other. It would appear that is one-sided.”

My brows snap together. “You fucking watch your tone with me, and remember your place.”

“I am. It’s you who isn’t remembering yours. I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“I choose to tell you what I want, so don’t question my actions.” I raise my voice, and he squints with his nostrils flared like he’s ready to hand me my ass.

“Permission to speak freely as brothers, Pakhan.”

Brothers. I want to tell him he’s not my brother, but the use of that word reaches something inside me that still doesn’t want the traitor to be him.

Maksim is like Viktor, and that’s a truth I can’t refute even if I can’t trust myself to believe what he tells me.

I sigh and only decide to grant his request for the sentiment.

“Granted.”

“You still think it was me who betrayed you. I didn’t. I didn’t fucking do it. I told you the other day I’d take the same bullet for you my father took for yours. That is the extent of my loyalty to you.”

“You wouldn’t tell me otherwise, would you? We were born in the Bratva, and we both know what loyalty means. Get a man to trust you, and you practically own his life.”

“I’m not just a fucking man, Aiden. We’re family. You and I are the only family left. I did not betray you.”

“You and Ilya were the only two of my men who knew the passwords to get on to my property,” I point out, voicing thoughts I’ve kept only to myself for too long.

“I agree, we were exactly that, but I swear to you, cousin, I didn’t do it. I speak for myself, and I cast no blame toward Ilya in doing so, but I swear to you it wasn’t me. I still don’t expect you to believe me, and I can only hope this journey we’re on proves my innocence. But what I don’t want is you keeping shit from me because you think I’m working with the other side.”

I stare back at him understanding but sticking to my decision.

“I will tell you what you need to know when the time is right.”

He tenses, and his hands ball into fists at his side. “It’s one more thing to do with her, isn’t it?”

“Maksim, drop it.”

“Yeah, I think I should because you obviously will never trust me. The other night I know I crossed some line with you when I suggested you kill her. I apologize. I just hope you aren’t blinded too much by love that you can’t see straight. I don’t want you to lose everything, including your life.”

He turns around and walks away, leaving me standing there with his words burning my ears.

Love…

Am I so transparent that everyone else can see through me?

If anybody knows me, it’s him.

He’ll also know what it means for my dark soul to have allowed the curse of love to haunt me.

Maybe he’ll know too that I don’t want it.

It’s the only thing that scares me.

The last time I let love in and lost it, it destroyed me, and I’m still broken.