Chapter 88 – Blessed By Darkness

**Julia POV.**

**PRESENT DAY.**

I sat on the floor of the store room of my new home in No Man’s Land, surrounded by boxes and piles of clothes. The room was a mess, but not more than my life felt right now. I sighed, folding another shirt of my son, Damien, and placing it into a box labeled "Memories.”

Emotions threatened to choke my throat as I glanced around the room. It felt weird marking my things as memories. But I had no other choice. I had to, if I wanted to look forward to giving birth to the new life growing inside me at a phenomenal pace.

The little clock ticked loudly in the quiet room, and it only reminded me of the little time I had left before I became a mother again. I wanted to see my mom today, and despite everything that had transpired between us in the past, I hoped she would offer some comfort and guidance when she met me. Maybe I was naive for thinking like that, but I wanted to believe she could still be there for me, just be there for her youngest child.

Tyler had hunted down my Mom at a distant southern town. Apparently, she survived the apocalypse. But my Dad didn’t.

He suggested that I should pay one last visit to her before it became impossible for me to travel long distances.

I took a deep breath and shoved all the boxes aside, I'd sort the rest out when I returned. I paused at my childhood picture with Mom on the wall on my way out. A little smile broke on my face. 

We were happy until the exile. This really was all my fault.

Tyler drove the rickety pickup truck with me in the passenger seat. It was a three-hour drive. The sun was about to set in the horizon.

When I arrived at her place, I paused at the door and stared at the door knob for a few minutes. Taking a deep breath, I pressed the door open and entered. I prayed that she would be nice today. 

But as soon as I saw her face, I knew better. Her eyes were cold and distant, like they always were when she was about to say something hurtful.

"Hi, Mom," I said, trying to sound cheerful.

She didn't bother to look away from the small TV on the wall. "What are you doing here? Here to ask for money? Cause I don't have any."

Why would I ask her for money? I hesitated, unsure of how to start. "I... I wanted to talk to you about something important."

She finally glanced up, her face paler than the last time I'd seen her. She looked really ill and weirdly my heart ached for her until she spoke, "Is it about the mess you've made of your life? The bun in the oven you have?"

I flinched. Her words always stung, even though I should have been used to them by now. She'd said a lot of vile things to me since I was born, but I still got hurt everytime she said something horrible. 

‘Don't cry Julia’, I told myself. I took another deep breath and continued, "I'm going to be a mother again, Mom! I have two boys already. I'm expecting a daughter this time."

She snorted, setting down her spoon with a clatter. "You had it coming. Getting yourself knocked up by some random stranger. Karma really is a bitch!" 

She cackled loudly. It made the hair on the back of my neck rise, she really did hate me. She didn't care about me or whatever happened to me since I left home. 

“This is payback for ruining my life you little bitch. This is wonderful news, because at least now, you won't be a burden to anyone or ruin anyone's life.”

Her words hurt. Tears welled up in my eyes again and I let them fall this time. The room seemed to be closing in on me as I processed what she had said. 

"Mom, I am married. I never —" I started but couldn’t finish.

"Save it, Julia," she cut me off. "You're just like your father. Always making a mess and expecting me to clean up after you." She coughed loudly and glared at me. “You are no different from that man. Like father like daughter.”

I stood there, speechless, the hope I had of reconciliation fading away to nothing. I felt stupid for believing she would guide or support me. She didn't care about what happened to me, she would never. I should have learnt that a long time ago. Parents who love their children never treated them that way.

I stared at the wooden floor as tears fell from my eyes again. Smiling, I looked back at her pale face. There was no reason for us to remain mother and daughter anymore. Especially since she didn't love me. It was time to step away from her and the toxic relationship that had been dragging me down all my life. This couldn't work. 

I didn't want to live the rest of my life knowing that I had a mother who never loved me. It was better that I remained estranged.

I stared at her pale face again, her hair greying and her eyes looking sullen. My heart ached that I had to leave her like this. But she didn't need me, the same way I didn't need her anymore. 

It was one of the hardest decisions I’d ever made, but I knew it was necessary. Necessary for the both of us.

"I'm done, Mom," I said quietly, turning to leave. "I can't do this anymore."

“Can't do what?” She asked confused.

“This! It is better we remain as strangers from now on, instead of mother and daughter.”

“Ha!” She laughed loudly, “You think you can leave and return whenever you want? I am your mother, no matter what!” She yelled and held her chest.

“Thank you for everything,” I said curtly.

“You will never live a peaceful life, you bitch! You will die a painful death and no one will be there for you!” She yelled again.

“Take care of yourself.” I said and turned around to leave.

As I walked out, her voice followed me. I could hear the anger and bitterness in her voice. "You think you can just walk away? Don't come crawling back when you are in trouble, you ungrateful brat!"

I didn't look back. Her words hurt, but they also pushed me to not look back. Tears fell again and I had to stop myself from crying loudly. My sniffing caught the attention of a little child and her mother on the sidewalk, and they both smiled sadly at me. 

“Sometimes I fight with my mom too,” the mother said before walking away. Weirdly, it made me feel a little bit better. I needed to escape this suffocating encounter and find a little bit of peace. I came across a public park and I decided to walk in.

The sun was finally setting, and I sat on a bench in the park. It was another sad day in my life, and I had no plans except to watch the sunset and sink myself in oblivion.

I needed to escape, just for a little while.

But no matter how much I tried, the peace I craved seemed to evade me. The sun painted the landscape in golden hues while going down, but it did nothing to quieten the thoughts inside my head. I was alone with my thoughts, and every single thing seemed to hurt even more.

"Julia?" a familiar voice called out, disrupting my thoughts. I squinted into the darkness, trying to make out who it was.

Tyler appeared, concern etched on his face. "What are you doing here?"