Chapter 67

Jadesola Coker

After we left the hospital and got back home, I just knew I was tired. Tired of my life. Tired of everything. It seemed like nothing was going to change again. It was then I knew the reason why so many people choose to commit suicide. At that moment, I felt like I could never accomplish anything. It was so hard believing I could really

live my dreams with the turn my life took, and how everything was looking so blurry, and unencouraging. I couldn't say why I allowed that thoughts into my mind, but I wanted to just leave the world in peace and hope everything could just disappear. I wanted to escape. Escape from all my worries, and trials in life.

The next day was on Sunday, and that was my perfect timing. To go to the church like always, sit at the back where people won't really see me, then end my life. I knew I shouldn't try such, but it was like the only way for my troubles to come to an end. I thought I could go on, but it was more harder than I thought. And at the same time, it was so scary that I thought of taking my own life. The service in church was different, it was the exact day of the month where guest pastors were invited, and brought to the church. I somehow doze off, or leave the church to hide in the toilet whenever sermon was going on because of how boring it was always to me whenever our Pastor preached.

Some don't find it boring, but I believed some never enjoyed it like me as well, because I wasn't the only who fall asleep at that very moment. At that exact day of the month, I always look forward to listen to guest pastors because it was always wow. Including the youths who left for school never missed this day because of the famous, and important preachers that might come. The church was full with youths, adults, couples, invited friends, guests, and older women and men. I wasn't fully ready to participate like usual because of what was happening to me, but I forced myself to wait inside the church and watched what was about to happen. At that critical time of my life, I learnt another lesson that changed my decision, and changed my life forever. Who and what do you listen to?

"Can somebody give Jesus a shout this morning!" The Pastor shouted through the mic, and before he could open his mouth to shout, the youths especially shouted that someone in the room must have gone deaf.

"Ehhhhhh!!!" "Chaiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" "Jehovahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" "Ahhhhhhhhh!" "Yeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

"Hahahahahahahahaha " The Pastor turned it into a laughter, and everyone

started laughing too. "Glory!" "Chechechecheche Jesus!"

"Jesus is something to shout about!" The Preacher's voice dominated the whole room. "Haha You don't understand." He laughed and continued. "Sir listen to this, if

failure is what you shout about, you are directly praising failure he's doing a good job in your life. And what do you expect when you praise someone? Hahaha!" He laughed again. "Someone is getting it. So what will you shout about?"

"Jesus!" The whole church chorused.

"Listen, I don't know what you are going through, but you have a chance to shout a name that will bring solution to your life. Haha Hear me ma. If you install this app

into your life, then every other thing will start working." He laughed, and everyone did too. "You guys know the app?"

"Jesus!" The church chorused. I stood up from where I sat. I wanted a solution for my life too. If I found the solution, then may be it would be the best gift have ever received. We sat down back and he started his preaching immediately.

"If you know you are perfect in this room today, I want to see you rise to your feet. I want to see those who are extremely perfect in this world. You know things are going smoothly, and very perfect for you, please, and please, we need you to rise up," he said, but no one did. I looked around from where I sat at the back, but no one got up. I glanced around at some of my mates in the church who already gained admission, and were always acting like they were living a perfect life sitting jejely without moving an inch to stand up. No one was living a perfect life after all.

The preacher continued. "Now I can hear the people going through visible hard time saying, so I'm not in this alone." He was right. At that moment when I looked around, and saw people who seemed perfect to me sitting down, I realized, everyone doesn't have a perfect life after all.

"Haha " The Preacher laughed like he had been doing since he got to the pulpit. "Yet,

this same people, are making you feel like you are the worst on earth, and you listen to them, allowing them to dump such refuse in your mind. Hello How do a place

with refuse look like? Dirty! Smelling! Not pleasant to look at. Is that how you want to appear to the world? Haha.." He shook his head. "Someone is not getting this. Or are we getting it?" The crowd shouted "Yes", and he continued. "Since you can't control your mind, they will, and drop all manner of things there. Since you can't confess what God has said about you, that greater is he that is in you than he that is

in the world. And if the mighty one lives in you, then what is mistake? Somebody say, I only miss a step."

"Haha " The preacher exercised his laughter again. "When a little boy sees

something afar and he starts running to take it, but suddenly falls, and injure himself on a hard ground, how do you think he will look? Okay, I will answer that. He would definitely have a scratch, or starts limping as a result of hitting his body hard on the ground.

He would experience a little or intense pain depending on how hard he falls. At that moment, he doesn't look happy like he was before, everyone can see he fell, and was injured. But what happens when he takes time to treat himself? He gets better. The wound starts to close up, and he would stop limping in time. And after some days, he's back smiling. Hello somebody You've got to tell yourself no matter how

painful what you are going through looks like. I will recover. I will get better. I will live that dream. Shout it will get better, because it will!" He shouted, and it was like I had a brain reset that the only thing that I could hear was.....

I will get better. I will recover.

"Everyone has fallen one time or the other. Some by mistake, some intentionally, some unexpectedly. Whichever category you belong, the news I have for you is that, that's not the end of your journey. You are permitted to cry, feel bad, blame yourself, but you are never permitted to give up! Never!" His voice rose aggressively. Then it slowed down again. "Pay the price of healing, endure the pain, because it's only gonna last for a little while. And everywhere they insulted you, blamed you, stared at you, pointed at you, shouted at you, scolded you, and gossiped you, they will see you back to your feet without any traces that you've once fallen in your life. All you need is time."

That service changed my life forever.

After listening to the preacher, I cried and scolded myself for having thought of taking my life. I realized everyone who succeeded taking their lives didn't have the chance to hear words that must have flushed out the negative thoughts they had inside of them, and get to see what lies ahead of them. I became very confident, and encouraged. I told myself I was never going to be a refuse dump where people just think they can dump their opinion and negative thoughts on. Yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I had a baby at seventeen. Yes, I haven't gained admission. Yes, I failed. But no, it can't define my destiny. It can't take away my dreams. They don't have a say to decide for me. I, Jadesola Coker can only decide how I end up in life through my choices in life. And that day, I chose to only get better.

When I got home, I stared at the pictures of myself during the cooking training. I was happy when I got the call to participate which ended up getting me an award. So, why did I think I wasn't needed? Then I remembered what the preacher said which was indeed truth. Faith stayeth not, but cometh by hearing, and not just hearing anything, or hearing about your failures or dirty talks, but hearing the word of God. Because no man eats, and keeps eating, and doesn't get full. Like wise, no one hears, keeps hearing, and keep listening to the right words, and does not have faith. That

week, I bought books that were filled with life messages, experiences, and why I couldn't listen to any one else but my dreams.

I found the solution. I trusted God. And I chose my choices carefully.