CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN
ETHAN

There were at least a dozen different kinds of sex.

There was the sweet, sensual kind. The rough, hard, can’t-get-enough kind. The quick, no-strings-attached moments, and the deeply emotional, soul-binding ones.

Over the course of my twenty-nine years on this planet, I’d thought I’d experienced every possible variation.

Then came Lena.

What we shared defied labels. Calling it “sex” felt inadequate—too ordinary, too simplistic. It had been something far more intense.

More visceral. It reached down into the twisted corners of my mind, dug up every thorn, every shadow, every jagged piece of who I was, and laid them bare for someone else to see.

Lena awakened something in me—something darker, more raw—something I hadn’t known was there. And now that it had surfaced, I wasn’t sure I could shove it back down.

I should have been afraid of that. But I wasn’t. I was exhilarated. It was the purest high I’d ever known.

More powerful than BASE jumping. More electrifying than mountain biking down Bolivia’s notorious Death Road. And infinitely more intense than any night I’d ever spent with anyone before her.

We hadn’t said a single word to each other after I left that night, yet even days later, I couldn’t stop craving her. My skin itched with the need. It was like withdrawal. I needed another fix.

“Earth to Ethany.” Ava’s fingers snapped in front of my face, jerking me out of the spiral. “Are you here, or have you already mentally flown to New Zealand?” she teased.

I blinked and forced my thoughts to return to the present. We’d both managed to get the day off, so we were grabbing lunch and catching up. At least, that had been the plan.

“Yeah.” I took a sip of water, though I desperately wished it were something stronger. Was it too early to start drinking? Somewhere in the world, it was already five o’clock, right? “I wish I was already in New Zealand. I seriously can’t wait.”

Just seven more weeks until I left. I should’ve been buzzing with excitement. But the only thing dominating my headspace was Lena.

Maybe I hadn’t been joking when I’d called her a succubus. That would explain the way she’d taken up permanent residence in my brain—haunting every thought, every dream.

“It’s gonna be amazing,” Ava said, tearing off a piece of her bread and popping it into her mouth. “Just don’t forget to bring me back a Lord of the Rings souvenir or we’re no longer friends.”

“You don’t even like Lord of the Rings. You fell asleep halfway through the first movie.”

“Still.” She raised an eyebrow. “You can’t go to New Zealand and not bring back a LOTR souvenir. That would be a crime against humanity.”

"Inhumane. I don’t think that word means what you think it means," I said, quoting one of our all-time favorites.

The Princess Bride was a classic—timeless, hilarious, and surprisingly wise. I’d never been embarrassed to admit how much I loved it.

Ava pulled a face.

“Whatever. Speaking of things you shouldn’t ignore—where were you Wednesday night? You totally ghosted your texts.”

Crap. I’d replied the next morning, hoping that would be the end of it. We’d loosely planned to catch the latest Marvel flick together, but I’d banked on her not following up.

“Sorry. Something came up. I had to take care of it immediately.”

If Ava ever found out what I’d really been doing—sleeping with her best friend—she’d lose it. She was loyal to a fault, especially when it came to her friends. And she knew as well as I did that Lena and I were like gasoline and fire.

Except, apparently, in the bedroom.

“And the award for Vaguest Answer goes to…” Ava’s phone chimed with an alarm. She checked the screen and groaned.

“Ugh, I gotta go. I’m meeting Alex at the Renwick Gallery. Still, good catching up.” She stood and gave me a quick hug. “Get some rest, okay? You look seriously worn out.”

“What? No, I don’t.” I glanced at my reflection in the restaurant’s plate-glass window and felt instantly relieved. No pale, washed-out complexion. No dark circles or eye bags. I looked flawless.

“Made you look,” she said with a smug smile. “You’re such a narcissist.”

“That’s a Carly Simon song, not an accurate assessment of me.” Caring about how I looked didn’t make me vain. The world ran on appearances. It only made sense to stay sharp. “Didn’t you say you had to leave?” I added, a little pointedly.

I loved Ava. But like any little sister, she had a gift for being annoying when it suited her.

No surprise she and Lena were tight.

“Okay, okay. I can take a hint.” She was halfway out the door when she turned and tossed over her shoulder, “But seriously—rest. Coffee’s not a lifestyle.”

“I can try!” I called after her, getting a couple of weird looks from nearby diners.

Ava was always nagging about my lack of sleep. But I was a medical resident—sleep and I had been strangers for a long time.

I paid my bill not long after she left. Lunch had been good, but I couldn’t help wishing we talked about more than work or weekend plans. We used to share everything.

Lately, though, she had Alex, and I… I had secrets. Stuff I couldn’t bring up without blowing everything apart.

Starting with what happened with Lena.

And the letters from Michael.

Another one came yesterday.

It had been two years, and still, I couldn’t cut the cord completely. I never visited him. Never responded.

But I kept the letters. As if they were a lifeline to something I couldn’t define. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe curiosity. Or maybe, deep down, I just wasn’t ready to let go of the man he used to be.

Not the felon who tried to murder my sister and framed our mom.

But the man who taught me how to ride a bike. Who took me to my first basketball game at age seven. The man who, for a long time, I simply called Dad.

A bitter knot formed in my throat as I stepped into the metro station and caught the train just before the doors slid shut. Hazelburg, here I come.

I shoved thoughts of Michael aside, locking them in that dark mental drawer I rarely opened. I refused to waste one of my rare days off spiraling over him again.

I tapped my fingers against my thigh, restless. It was too late to go hiking. Maybe I could ring up some old college friends, see if they were free to hang out that night.

Or you can see Lena again.

My teeth clenched. Christ, what was wrong with me? It'd been a fuck. A great one, but a fuck nonetheless. I shouldn't be this obsessive about it after one night together.

I took out my phone and pulled up a travel guide for New Zealand, determined to erase a certain redhead from my mind.

It didn't work.

Every time I saw a waterfall, I pictured fucking Lena under it.

Every time I saw a restaurant, I pictured us eating there together like a goddamn couple.

Every time I saw a hike, I pictured...well, you got the idea.

"Fuck. "I was going insane.

The woman seated next to me with her young daughter pinned me with a glare before she moved them both farther down the train.

Normally, I would've apologized, but I was too annoyed to offer more than an apologetic grimace.

There was only one way to get Lena off my mind. I didn't like it, but it was the only solution I had.

When I arrived in Hazelburg, I headed straight to Lena's house. Was what I was about to do a bad idea? Probably. But I'd take a bad idea over having her live rent-free in my head for God knew how long.

I knocked on the door. It opened a minute later, revealing dark curls and surprised green eyes.

"Hey, Ethany," Stella said. "What are you doing here?"

Shit. I'd forgotten about Lena's roommate. Like everyone else, Stella thought Lena and I hated each other-which we did so it would be weird if I said I showed up to see Lena. Unless...

"I need to talk to Lena about a case at the clinic," I lied.

"It's urgent. Is she here?"

If Stella suspected I was lying, she didn't show it. Then again, she was one of the most trusting people I knew, so it probably didn't occur to her that I wasn't telling the truth.

"Yep. Come in." She opened the door wider and motioned me inside. "Lena is upstairs in her room."

"Thanks." I took the stairs two at a time until I reached Lena's room.

I rapped my knuckles against the door and waited for her "Come in!" before I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.

Lena sat at her desk, looking more dressed down than I'd ever seen her. Sweats, oversized T-shirt, no makeup, hair tossed up in a bun. While I appreciated a skimpy outfit

as much as the next guy, I kinda liked this version of her. It was more authentic. More human.

Shock passed over her face at my appearance before she turned back to her computer and resumed typing.

"What are you doing here?" she asked casually, like her nail marks weren't etched into my back from when I'd fucked her brains out a few days ago.

I tamped down my annoyance and leaned against the dresser, folding my arms over my chest.

I had work to do, trips to plan, and sleep to catch up on. But it'd been four days, eleven hours, and thirty-two minutes since we'd had sex, and all of them had been consumed by memories of cinnamon and heat and the silky slide of her skin beneath my hands.

I didn't know what kind of voodoo spell Lena cast on me, but I needed to get it out of my system. If one night wasn't enough, then I would indulge in as many nights as necessary to rid myself of my disturbing obsession with her.

"I have a proposition for you," I said. "No." She didn't look up from her screen.

"I propose we form a mutually beneficial arrangement," I continued, ignoring her flat rejection. "As much as it pains me to admit, you weren't terrible in bed, and I know I'm not terrible in bed.

We're both too busy to date or deal with the online dating scene. Therefore, we should enter a friends with benefits agreement. Minus the friends part."

It was genius, if I did say so myself. The physical chemistry was there, and neither of us had to worry about the other catching feelings. We could just fuck until we got tired of it.

Honestly, Mensa should offer me membership for such a brilliant plan.

"Ethany." Lena closed her laptop and twisted to face me. "I would rather burn in the fiery depths of hell than sleep with you again."

I smirked. "We won't be doing much sleeping, Red. Or have you forgotten?"

I spotted the instant she remembered our night together.

Her pupils dilated, her chest rose and fell faster, and her cheeks flushed the faintest shade of pink. The average person wouldn't have noticed such minor changes, but I wasn't average. I noticed everything about her, whether I wanted to or not.

Self-satisfaction bloomed on my lips.

"We won't be doing much of anything except tolerate each other's presence for Ava's sake," she said through gritted teeth. "You're lucky I didn't bite your dick off."

"But then you wouldn't have been able to come so hard around it. Multiple times," I said silkily. "That would've been a damn shame. Your screams are so sweet."

I smiled at her snarl.

"You're a logical person. Think about it," I reasoned.

"We both have needs, and this is the perfect way to fulfill those needs without the headache that comes up with finding someone to hook up with. Less Todds, more orgasms. It's a win-win situation."

Lena remained silent. She was thinking about it.

I pounced on the opening and went in for the kill. "But if you're afraid you'll fall for me in the process, I don't blame you." I offered a casual shrug. "I'm pretty irresistible."

My smile widened when her eyes sparked. Challenges were as much her weakness as they were mine.

"Not even in your wildest dreams." Lena leaned back in her chair. "Remember the last game we played? I won, you lost."

"I don't have dreams about you, Red. Only nightmares."

"Could've fooled me, considering how hard you came the other night." Lena released her hair from her bun and let it cascade over her shoulders. The movement stretched her shirt across her chest, and my eyes involuntarily dipped

to where her nipples poked through the thin material in hard, pebbled points.

When I lifted them again, my jeans had tightened, and Lena wore a smug smile. "If we're going to do this, we need to set some ground rules."

Bingo. Mission accomplished.

I savored the triumph for a minute before I inclined my head. "Agreed. Ladies first."

I'd learned my lesson from our wager at The Black Fox.

Always set rules.

"This is a strictly physical arrangement," Lena said. "We don't have claims on each other's time outside of sex, so don't ask me where I am or what I'm doing when we're not together."

"Fine." I had no plans to do either of those things. "We keep this between us. Don't tell anyone-not your friends, people at the clinic, and especially not Ava."

"Of course I won't tell anyone." Lena wrinkled her nose. I hardly want people to know I'm involved with you.' "

"You could only be so lucky."

We ran through the rest of our rules in rapid succession.

"Always use protection."

"No sleeping over."

"No getting jealous if the other person goes on a date with someone else."

Fine with me. An exclusive friends-but-not-friends-with-benefits situation was too close to an actual relationship for comfort.

"If you want to end the arrangement, be upfront about it. No ghosting or beating around the bush. That's fucking immature."

No falling in love." "

I scoffed. "Red, you'll fall in love with me before I ever fall in love with you." The mere idea was absurd.

Lena was the most difficult woman I'd ever encountered. God help whichever poor bastard ended up falling for her.

"As if." She sniffed. "You think far too highly of your dick, Hale. It gets the job done, but it's not a magical rod."

"Last rule. Never refer to my cock as a rod again."

Some slang should be banned from the English language.

"Whatever, Ethanyy McRod." Lena offered a deceivingly sweet smile. "Do we have a deal?"

"Deal." I grasped her outstretched hand and squeezed. She squeezed back twice as hard. It reminded me of when we shook on our clinic truce.

We were making an awful lot of deals lately, for some reason. "Only fucking, no feelings."

I didn't doubt for a second I could hold up my end of the deal. Most people caught feelings in these types of arrangements, which was why they never lasted long.

But if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I would never, ever fall in love with Lena Carter.