Chapter 56 - Pretty Lies

Natasha's POV

We have arrived at our town after hours of driving.

It's been months since I've been here, it has been months since I last saw my parents, it has been months since the last time I was here, and in those times, Sayna was still alive.

I thought it would be nostalgic being in here again but it does not feel like it. It feels different, it feels strange. And I know because my comfort is not here anymore.

I thought of the city, of the people in there, of Elyse, of Valerian. . .

Valerian. . .

Hurt is an understatement to describe the pain that I'm feeling in my heart right now.

I lost the most important person in my life and it feels like I'm going to lose someone that had become important to me, too.

It hurts.

It hurts so much I don't have any words to describe what I'm feeling.

The heaviness that I felt in my heart was so hard to contain that my eyes would not stop tearing up.

I lost Sayna.

I lost Sayna and the reason for that loss is the man that I love.

Is the man that I learned to love.

Why did Valerian do that?

When I asked him about Sayna, he told me that he didn't know anything. He didn't do anything. I believed him.

I believed Valerian. I put my trust in him and he betrayed me.

He betrayed my trust.

He betrayed my love.

How could he do that?

How could someone do that?

Just when I was ready to admit to myself that I love him.

Just when I was ready to consider taking a risk for him and he did this.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized as I caressed Sayna's tomb with my hands. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

I'm so sorry that I became happy with the man that claimed your life.

I told myself that I will be cherishing the time that I had with Valerian in Greece for the rest of my life but thinking about it now, that time in Greece with Valerian seemed so wrong. It was wrong and sinful.

I shouldn't have been happy with him.

I had no right to feel happy when something terrible had happened to my beloved friend.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Sayna."

I felt someone sat beside me.

"It wasn't your fault, Natasha. You didn't know," Draven spoke beside me. "She was already gone when Alpha found her. She was just coming home to us when Valerian Fenrir killed her. It was too late. None of us had the chance to help."

"Elyse loved you more than she loved us, she's going to be sad seeing you this sad." I heard Urien say behind me.

I sobbed even harder upon hearing what he said.

I don't care if I came out weak in front of him for crying so hard.

I don't care.

I really don't care.

All I know is that I missed my best friend and I should have been there for her.

"Natasha," Urien called my name.

I turned to face him with so many tears still tearing up from my eyes.

"I apologize for my attitude, earlier. I'm sorry, I was also just hurt, and seeing you with Valerian Fenrir like nothing is wrong— like he didn't just kill Sayna triggered me." Urien looked away. "I thought— I-I thought you knew about it and you just didn't care."

I sobbed.

I'm hurt by what Urien said because, if they only knew how much guilt and regret I was feeling right now. But then again, I understand them, especially him. I didn't know but they also didn't know.

We both have no idea.

"I'm sorry, Natasha." Urien walked up to me and knelt beside me.

"We only have each other now and Sayna will not like it if we fight and hurt each other," Draven said which made me cry even harder.

I missed Sayna so much.

This is not the scene that I imagined when I finally came home after doing my mission.

What I wanted and expected was them waiting for me and me going home to them with a triumphant smile plastered on my face, and there was Sayna. Waiting for me and excited to hug me and share stories with me.

Oh gosh, I missed her so much.

I missed her presence, her voice, her smile, and her laugh.

"Sayna," I called her name as I sobbed uncontrollably with my friends beside me.

~*~

We spent hours sitting in Sayna's grave, just crying and sharing stories.

My heart felt so heavy when we finally got home.

I didn't want to leave Sayna's grave but Draven had to drag me because my father was already looking for us.

I didn't want to leave, I wanted to spend more time with Sayna, but I knew deep down inside that those weren't the only reasons why.

I don't want to go home.

I don't want to face my father.

I don't want him to rub it on my face that I was a failure. Not only I was a failure but I also got my best friend killed.

"Natasha." I heard my father's stern and cold voice call my name and it was enough to make me tremble on my spot.

"It's okay, Natasha," Draven whispered beside me as he smiled at me as if telling me that it would be okay but I can also see the fear in his eyes for me.

I swallowed hard.

I saw my father standing up at the door of our house with my mother beside him.

I mustered up all of my courage before I walked up towards them.

"Father, mother." I stopped in my tracks as I greeted them.

I felt like I got deaf when a hard cold slap landed on my face.

I fell on my knees as a sob came out of my mouth.

Tears started streaming down my face.

My mother was here beside my father. She saw everything but just like before, just like the times that my father would hurt me, she didn't do anything.

"I'm so sorry, father."

"You are nothing but a disappointment, Natasha."

My father's words are as sharp as a knife stabbing me in the heart.

"I'm so sorry, father. I'm so sorry."

When I was with Valerian I thought I could take risks and defy my father but being here in front of him right now made me realize how weak I was. How I can't never ever be brave enough to stand against him and disobey him.

I never wanted this mission. I never wanted to grow up with nothing but the thought of killing someone inside my mind.

I didn't want anything of that but I didn't have any choice.

He didn't give me any choice for myself.

"You failed miserably in your mission," my father said, adding salt to my wound. "Not only that, you also got your friend killed."

I already expected it. I expected to hear him say that but it seemed like I still wasn't ready for how painful will it feel.

It is so fucking painful.

"Stand up, Natasha."

I immediately obeyed my father and stood up even though my legs felt so weak and they wobbled.

I stood up with my head hung low.

"Do you want my forgiveness?" my father asked. "Look at me, Natasha."

I took every courage that I had left and looked up at my father.

Our eyes met.

His stares were so cold and scary.

Like a ruthless monster enough to scare you for your life.

"I will ask again, do you want my forgiveness, Natasha?"

I swallowed hard. "Yes, father. Please forgive me."

"Very well." My father stared at me with cold eyes and a sharp glance. "You will go back there and finish your mission. Kill Valerian Fenrir. Do not even bother going home ever again without Valerian Fenrir's head on your hands."

I breathed sharply.

"Do you understand me, Natasha?"

I nodded my head. "Yes, I understand you, father."

"Come inside," Father said before he turned his back on me and went inside the house.

I followed him with a heavy heart.

"You should have obeyed and done everything your father said," my mother beside me said.

I ignored her. Like how she ignored every pain that my father inflicted on me.

I saw an old lady sitting on the floor in the living room.

There were black candles scattered around her.

I know her.

She's the witch that was my father's friend.

She's responsible for all the witchcraft that we use as a werewolf.

Even the ring that I was wearing to prevent me from turning into a werewolf when the moon was full.

She's really good.

I wonder what she's doing here.

"Olga here will help you. She will perform a ritual that will help you to not get distracted and for you to actually finish your mission this time."

Before I could even say anything, Father dragged me and made me sit in front of Olga where we were surrounded by candles.

Father also sat beside me.

I could not do anything.

Olga held my hand and opened my palm.

She started her rituals and all I could do was stay still and wait for her to finish.