Chapter 90 – We can continue tomorrow

I have no thoughts. I am experiencing a feeling probably but it is too hard for me to even describe, stretching beyond both words and expressions.

Blake is kissing me, and I never thought it would ever feel quite this…. good.

Good is a pretty overused term, used to explain tons of different emotions and is placed in many contexts, but in this case the word should be taken as a mere placeholder for a reality so indefinable that I wish it would last forever. 

Something so strange and beautiful loses its impact through communication, which goes for many things, and can only be delivered through experience.

It is almost like the one time when I was a little girl, and my parents took me to the beach for the first and last time in my life. I remember standing there, my feet sinking into the pure white sand, in awe of the magnificence surrounding me. 

I could taste the hint of salt on my tongue, the wind caressing my tiny body. The sun would cast its glow upon me, making me feel like an angel bathed in holy light. 

And the water felt so cold, so refreshing, that I just wanted to simply dissolve and become nothing, emptying my mind so I could be immersed in the beauty. 

So I could etch that moment into my memory, and never forget it for the rest of my life.

In many ways, this moment resembles my other inexplicable experiences, but in other ways it takes me beyond a mere wish or desire. 

Yes, it feels wonderful, unlike a kiss ever should, but the urgency of my emotions shock me more than anything else. I am in frenzy, willing to do anything to keep intensifying the experience (for lack of a better term). 

There is more to my life that I must consider, but strangely all of those considerations have flown away. It is like nothing matters anymore, except for this.

There's some sense of nostalgia that comes with this as well, something that bothered me last time I kissed him. It feels so real, but it is almost ethereal as well, like we are not only connected through our lips both through our souls as well. 

And even though it should be, it isn't a new feeling at all. I get a small sense of it every time I look at him, every moment that he enters my thoughts. It just makes me wonder where on earth it is coming from.

The only thing that makes sense is that there might be some truth to the words of my companions concerning Blake and I are past relationship. That my memory was wiped, along with strange markings that should be on my body. 

That everything I believe about myself during this time has been a lie, and I'm actually a big softie with a hard shell. I don't want to believe that Blake is mine…or do I? Even now, the thought causes butterflies in my stomach, and I let out an involuntary moan.

"Shhiii," Blake whispers in a low, husky voice. 

"Do you want the rest of them to hear you?"

My eyes open, and I stare at him, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. 

"Don't…look at me like that," he says softly, leaning in and kissing my brow bone.

His lips touch my eyelids, trailing down my nose and cheeks. I can't help but wonder, as I look at his face, what he could possibly be thinking. 

He seems so calm and measured, tearing my defences with accuracy and not wasting a singly movement. Has he ever lost himself? I find myself wanting to know the answer more than anything else.

A warmth touches my lips, and I feel my bottom lip being gently bitten as he teases my mouth open. As soon as I do so, his tongue pushes in, and I am taken with surprise. So there is more to everything and I want it all.

This should be really gross. I would never imagine a guy's tongue in my mouth a day ago, or even a week ago. In the logical side of my brain, it's all just really weird. Tongues are for eating and communicating. 

Mouths in general are for eating and communicating. Those human body parts have no other use, and should only be used in those given purposes. But now the sun has set, and the brightness of the moon has risen over the dark landscape. 

It is a new world out there, one full of mystery and enigmas with neither sense nor reason.

His face leaves mine, a hair's breadth away from my lips, and his eyes flick upwards towards mine. We look at each other, and he smirks slightly. A flicker of annoyance flashes through my thoughts, but he kisses me before I can think of anything else.

"You…" he murmurs as we take a second to breathe. You know, because I haven't done that in quite a while. He straightens from where he was leaning over me, some strange expression on his face. I sit up as well, uneasiness in my heart.

"Blake?"

"Tommorow," he says roughly, turning his head away. "We can continue tomorrow."

"What are you saying?" I ask him, my voice uncannily high. This is not how things are supposed to work.

"You're mine, and I can do whatever I want with you. Which is why you are going to meet me…tomorrow night."

He finally turns and looks at me, his eyes sparkling like emeralds. I feel a little uncomfortable under his steady gaze.

"But…why not now?" I sound so tiny, surrounded by such an empty wasteland.

"I don't want you to disappear, Elena. Every day I want the guarantee that you still want me, and that you won't run away. So it has to be this way."

"N-no, it doesn't. Blake, please…" I touch his arm, but he shakes me off almost robotically.

"Elena, I'm sorry, but we both need to get some rest. I'm not going to bend on this."

I stand up, feeling as if I was hit by a moving train. My knees start to wobble, and they almost buckle down the small hill. I can feel his gaze on me as I vanish into the trees.

He must be playing with me, treating me like I am his toy. How did I deserve this? Now I am destined to be controlled, and more frighteningly, a small part of me actually wants this to happen. Well, maybe a bit more than a small part of me.

What in the world is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal and contained…and strong? I already know the answer, but I can't keep myself from asking those questions.

The anger leaves my body along with my strength as I collapse onto an empty spot on the ground. And as the noise of the forest fades away into an eerie silence, the only thing I continue to hear is the fervent beating of my heart. I can't help but stare into the forest, wondering about him.

And shamefully waiting for tomorrow.

I swing the spear with incredible force, hitting the large oak tree and getting my weapon caught in the middle of it as a result. My face drips with sweat, traveling down my face and body, but I don't even care. I feel powerful when I'm swinging a sword like I can do anything.

I am alone in the forest, surrounded by dark gray foliage and towering trees that I desperately want to topple. Doing so would ensure that I've taken a step forward in my training, and I can finally take a break. 

My frustrations, which had initially led me out here, have long since abated, and now I can feel a dull ache in my bones.

"Nice, Elena."

A voice erupts, and I whip my head around to see George, casually leaning on the side of the tree. 

"You're getting better."

I don't really know how to take compliments, so I just stare at him.

"You're welcome."

"Uh, wrong words. I think you've been away from society too long. The correct reply is thank you."

He laughs, and I can't help but laugh as well.

"Actually, I'm right. You're welcome for when I have to save your butt with my awesome skills." I wink at him, twirling the spear in my fingertips. It shines with iridescence, and then starts to fade away in my hands.

"I wonder…" George says, walking closer to the faded spear and watching it with his eyes aglow. 

"When you and Kurtis were stuck in the well, why didn't you use your amazing skills to get you both out of there? I seem to recall you guys pretty much about to die…and us saving YOUR butts."

"I'm not sure either." I have been wondering about that, and it's bothered me for quite a while. "I tried using them in the well, and it went straight through."

"Maybe it was the materials. It's not natural like the rest of this world is."

"You know, you're right. Maybe metal materials, or even just human-made objects, are not affected by my weapons. Hey George, you're pretty smart after all."

I smile and George grins as well, grabbing my head and rubbing his knuckle across my scalp. 

"Was there ever any question?" He asks me jokingly.

"Always." I twist out of his grip, running out of his reach. "With you, you can never know what you'll get."

The dark fog gathers in the area, quickly almost obscuring him from my vision. I feel discomfort at how easily this place can conceal, disguising anything at the drop of a hat.

"Well, it's lunchtime now. If you are done now, we'd really like it if you joined us." George turns away, his voice fading in the roar of the wind. I nod, following him into the trees.

It's been pretty hard, coming up with meals for the day, but we have been making it through. We passed by a small pond the day after yesterday, so we were able to stock up on fruits and get some water. 

Luckily, all of us have more energy than humans do, otherwise we would have all died long ago. Every day we are traveling about a hundred miles, give or take, and are gradually getting closer to the ocean. 

We can't see it yet, but I can sense it, remembering it in my dreams in relation to the mountains.

I haven't had any visions recently, which worries me because I need more evidence to connect all the puzzle pieces in my head before I can make any accurate conclusions. And at the rate we are going, I need to make some decisions about what we need to be doing very quickly. 

There has to be some way that I can get us out of here. Given the scarcity of food, there is no way we could live here for too much longer. Unless there's a Garden of Eden around here, in which case we need to find it, and fast.