Chapter 55 Dispensable And Temporary
Briar's POV
Julian's hand slid up my thigh, his fingers pushing past the hem of my skirt, and something primal snapped inside me. I twisted hard and sank my teeth into his left shoulder, biting down with everything I had until I tasted blood.
He didn't pull away. A low growl rumbled in his throat as his teeth sank into my right shoulder. Sharp, burning pain. I bit down harder in response. We locked together in the darkness like trapped animals, tearing at each other, neither willing to let go first.
The taste of copper flooded my mouth, mixing with the chemical tang of antiseptic that still clung to his skin. My shoulder was on fire where his teeth ground into me, but I couldn't stop.
My vision started to blur at the edges. Black spots danced in front of my eyes and my lungs screamed for air, but I held on. Julian's grip on my wrists tightened until I felt bones grinding together, and still his teeth were locked in my shoulder, still he was pushing my legs apart with his knee.
Then I felt it. Something wet and cold touched his cheek. My tear. It slid down from where my face was pressed against his temple and landed on his skin, and for a moment everything stopped.
Julian went completely still. His teeth were still embedded in my shoulder, his hand still gripping my wrists, but he wasn't moving. I felt his chest rise and fall against mine.
He pulled back slowly, his teeth sliding free from my skin, and I tasted blood as I released him. My mouth was full of it. My whole body was shaking, trembling so hard I couldn't control it, and the tears were coming faster now, hot and silent down my cheeks.
The car had stopped moving. Through the window I could see the dim glow of streetlights, the familiar outline of my apartment building. We were in the parking lot. I didn't know when we'd arrived. I didn't know how long we'd been sitting here in the dark, tearing each other apart.
I shoved at Julian's chest with what little strength I had left. He moved back without resistance, releasing my wrists, and I scrambled away from him into the corner of the back seat. My shirt was ripped open, buttons missing, the fabric hanging off one shoulder.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and pressed my face against them, trying to make myself as small as possible. The tears wouldn't stop. They just kept coming, silent and endless, soaking into my torn skirt.
I heard Julian move. The rustle of fabric. Then something heavy landed on my lap. His suit jacket. It still held his body heat.
"Cover yourself," he said. His voice was flat, empty.
I didn't look at him. I just pulled the jacket around my shoulders with shaking hands and kept my face hidden. I heard the car door open, felt the rush of cold night air, and then Julian was reaching for me. His arms slid under my knees and around my back, and he lifted me out of the car.
I kept my eyes closed. I didn't want to see his face. He was carrying me toward the building entrance, his footsteps steady and measured, and all I could think was how easily he could break me. How he'd already broken me. How this jacket wrapped around my torn clothes was just another layer of cruelty, another way to pretend he hadn't just tried to destroy me in the back of his car.
He was a knife coated in honey. That's what he was. He would stab me, tear me open, make me bleed, and then he would pour sweetness over the wound and expect me to thank him for it. But no amount of gentleness could erase what he'd done.
The elevator doors opened and Julian carried me down the hallway. He stopped in front of my apartment door and shifted my weight in his arms so he could knock, and then the door swung open.
Leah stood there in her pajamas, her eyes going wide as she took in the sight of us.
"Get her slippers," Julian said.
Leah didn't move for a second, just stared at us with her mouth slightly open. Then she set my house slippers sdown on the floor.
Julian carried me inside and straight to my bedroom. The moment my feet touched the ground, I yanked away from him and stumbled toward the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and turned the lock, then collapsed against it, my legs finally giving out. I slid down to the tile floor and pressed my hands over my mouth to muffle the sound of my crying.
I heard Julian's footsteps retreat. Heard the apartment door open and close. Heard the silence that followed.
I don't know how long I sat there on the bathroom floor. When I finally came out, I showered and changed into my sleep shirt.
Leah was in the kitchen getting water when I walked out. She turned and looked at me, and I saw her eyes widen slightly as she took in my appearance. My eyes were swollen from crying.
"Leah," I said, my voice coming out hoarse. "I'm sorry about last night. I should have told you I was bringing someone home."
She set down her glass and shook her head quickly. "No, it's fine. Really. Don't worry about it."
"I should have called first," I insisted. "It's your apartment too."
"Briar, it's okay." She smiled at me. "We should exchange phone numbers though. Just in case."
She pulled out her phone and handed it to me. I dialed my number and listened to my phone ring in my bedroom. When I hung up and went to hand her phone back, the screen lit up with the home screen, and I saw it.
The wallpaper. A photo. Old, from the quality of it, maybe ten years ago. There was a bicycle, a field in the background, golden light like late afternoon. Leah was sitting on the back seat, young and smiling. And riding the bike, looking back at her over his shoulder with a grin that made my chest hurt, was Lucian.
I stared at it. I couldn't look away. He looked so young in the photo, his hair slightly longer, his face softer. And the way he was looking at her, the warmth in his eyes, the gentleness in his smile. I'd never seen him look at anyone like that.
"Briar?"
Leah's voice pulled me back. I realized I was still holding her phone, my thumb frozen over the screen. I handed it back to her quickly.
"Goodnight," I managed to say.
"Goodnight," she said, but I was already walking away.
I made it back to my room and closed the door before the feeling hit me. It was like falling, like the ground had opened up beneath my feet and I was plummeting into darkness. I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
The pain was good. It kept me grounded. It reminded me where I was, who I was, what my life had become.
My phone buzzed on the nightstand. I turned my head and saw the Instagram notification light up the screen. A voice call from Lucian.
I watched his name flash over and over and felt something crack open inside my chest.
I picked up the phone and stared at his profile. I suddenly realized I knew almost nothing about him except that he'd been kind to me when no one else was, and that apparently meant nothing, because he'd known Leah for years and never once mentioned it.
I went to his profile, found the block button, and pressed it. Confirmed. Just like that, he was gone. Instagram was the only way I had to reach him, and now even that was closed.
I set the phone down and rolled onto my side, pulling my knees up to my chest. The tears came again, quiet and slow, and I buried my face in my pillow so Leah wouldn't hear.
"Why does my life have to be this hard?" I whispered into the fabric. "Why can't I just have one thing that doesn't hurt?"
Whatever I had with Lucian was nothing compared to what he had with Leah. I was just someone passing through his life, dispensable and temporary.