Chapter 87 Chapter 29.3
HEAVEN
I stayed silent, hoping that this—listening to him, standing here in front of him—might finally be the cure to the pain I had been carrying for so long. I truly believed that I had already healed, that remembering the past would no longer hurt me this deeply. But I was wrong. The pain had never disappeared. It had only hidden itself in the deepest corners of my heart, waiting for the right moment to resurface.
“If you want, I can give you proof that I’m telling the truth,” Desmond continued, his voice heavy and raw. “Macie was the one helping me out of the bar that night because I was completely drunk. Do you think I wasn’t hurt when we lost our child? I was in pain too, Heaven. I just didn’t show you my weakness because you were already falling apart. I didn’t want to break down with you—I wanted to be your strength. I hid what I was really feeling back then.”
His words hit me one after another, each one landing painfully in my chest.
“If you think I celebrated when we lost Daryl, you’re wrong,” he went on, his voice shaking now. “That wasn’t what I felt. Because when you were hurting, I was hurting too. The pain I felt was twice as much—seeing you suffer while grieving our child, knowing that I failed you as your husband. I blamed myself for what happened to Daryl. I kept asking myself, ‘What if I had gone with you to your prenatal check-up? What if I had put you first instead of our business?’ Maybe what happened could have been avoided. Maybe our child wouldn’t have been taken from us.”
He spoke for a long time, pouring out emotions he had kept buried for years.
I turned my gaze away as tears began to gather in my eyes, refusing to let him see how close I was to breaking.
“I truly loved you,” he said softly. “I truly accepted Daryl into my life. You have no idea how happy and excited I was to finally meet our child. Just because I didn’t cry in front of you doesn’t mean I didn’t grieve or that I didn’t care. I loved you, Heaven. And I still love you now. Fixing what we broke won’t be easy, but I won’t give up—not until you forgive me.”
I shook my head slowly.
I appreciated his explanation, I really did. But appreciation didn’t mean I was ready to step back into the same relationship that once shattered me.
All my time, all my focus, belonged to my child now.
“I’m sorry, Desmond,” I said quietly. “I don’t have any plans to fix our relationship. Right now, I’m focused on my family.”
“I understand,” he replied, his voice calmer. “And I’m really sorry. I know I’m the reason you left and took everything important to you with you. I won’t force you to fix things right away. Let’s just start again.”
I took a deep breath and finally met his eyes.
“I’m refusing.”
He frowned at me, clearly caught off guard. I didn’t know if my heart was still capable of loving him again. I was afraid—afraid of loving the same man, afraid of what would happen if we both got hurt all over again. What if it didn’t work out? What if we failed once more?
“Do you have someone else?” he asked emotionally. “Does someone else own your heart now?”
I saw the sadness in his eyes, and it unsettled me. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to answer that question because I didn’t want to give him false hope—hope that one day I might give us another chance.
“No,” I said firmly. “There’s no one else. I don’t even have time for things like that. You should move on, Desmond. Our relationship ended a long time ago. We have to accept that we weren’t meant for each other. I don’t want you hoping that I’ll fix things between us someday. I’m sorry. I appreciate your explanation, but I have no intention of fixing what we had.”
I saw his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed, his jaw tightening as if he was holding himself together.
I turned my attention back to my computer, signaling that the conversation was over.
“You should leave,” I added.
He stood up and placed something on my desk.
“I noticed you’ve lost weight,” he said gently. “I cooked your favorite dishes. Please eat. Take care of yourself.”
He turned to leave, and my eyes followed him instinctively. When he suddenly turned back, I quickly looked away.
“I just want you to know this,” he said firmly. “I won’t give up until I have you again, Heaven. I’ll come back.”
He left without another word.
I frowned, my heart pounding painfully in my chest.
He wasn’t planning to give up?
I pressed a hand against my chest as a sharp ache spread through me. If he found out that I had hidden our child from him, would he still look at me the same way? Would he still want to court me?
I released a deep breath.
Why? I thought I was fine. I thought my heart was ready. So why did it still hurt? Why was there still a part of me wishing that we could somehow be okay again?
I shook my head.
That couldn’t happen. It should never happen.
Maybe he had already explained his side, but how could I be sure he was telling the truth? What if he had simply convinced Macie to lie for him? What if he was only doing this out of guilt?
I rubbed my temples. Desmond had always been good with sweet words, and I didn’t want to fall for them again. I had already been hurt because of him—and that pain was unbearable. What if it happened again?
I opened the bag he had left behind. Inside were the dishes he had cooked. I smiled despite myself. He hadn’t forgotten my favorite food.
The aroma made my stomach growl, so I took the containers out and placed them on the center table before sitting down on the sofa.
I tasted the food, especially the caldereta.
I smiled.
The flavor was exactly like my father’s. Had he asked Dad to teach him how to cook it back then?
I had only planned to taste it—but before I knew it, I was already eating properly.
“Come in,” I said when someone knocked, not bothering to look up. It was usually my secretary.
“Hi.”
At the sound of that familiar voice, I turned around—and almost choked. I hurriedly drank water and looked at him.
“Erick!” I exclaimed, smiling widely.
He smiled back at me. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
He walked closer and kissed my cheek.
“Flowers for you, beautiful lady. I missed you,” he said, making me smile.
“Sit down,” I laughed. “You surprised me. What are you doing here?”
He glanced at the food on the table.
“I have a new project, and it’s here in Manila. I’ll be staying for a year. Aren’t you happy to see me again?”
“Of course, I am!” I answered honestly.
“Where’s Daryl?” he asked, looking around my office. “Didn’t you bring him with you? I miss him too.”
I hadn’t expected to see him here again. Erick was my friend from Germany—and one of the best employees there.
“He’s at the condo,” I replied. “I don’t bring him to work anymore because I’ve been really busy.”
His eyes landed on the nameplate on my desk.
“Wow,” he said. “I still can’t believe you’re a director now. You’re amazing, Heaven.”
I smiled, though he had no idea that the position had been given to me by my ex-mother-in-law.
“I see you already have fresh flowers here,” he teased. “My rose bouquet feels shy next to that Juliet rose. Do you have a suitor here now? Am I too late—are you not going to say yes to me anymore?”