53: Shocked

She felt everything revolving around her and the first person her eyes searched for in the room were his, and he was directly staring at her which a shocked expression on his face. What was this trying to mean? She felt as everything became chaotic in her mind, she couldn't believe what she had just heard. What was the meaning of this? No, she might’ve heard him wrong, right? Maybe she was just assuming things like she always did before, nothing was wrong, she wasn’t going to conclude until she was very sure of what she had heard.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Kawu Sadam. How can I get married to Mairamou without me knowing? There’s no way that could happen, I’m so sure Daada will never approve of this.” Mujaheed spoke in a confused tone, he couldn't believe what he had just heard. If this was a joke, he’d love it more if these people stop joking with him because he didn't share that kind of connection with them. They were only his family by blood, nothing more. They shared no family bond whatsoever.

“Are you trying to yell at me, Mujaheed?” Kawu Sadam asked with a hard tone and Mujaheed knew he had to show this man that he was no more the 24 years old he thought he was before he left home.

Mujaheed looked at Mairamou and fully ignored her father, “How can you let your father destroy your life this way? How can you get married to a man that outwardly rejected your marriage proposal and you still have it in you to get married to him while he was even away? What if I've never come back, what would you do then? What if I died and you didn’t know I'm died? Will you stay married to a dead man forever without knowing whether to move on or not? How can you let your parents decided this huge part of your life, umm, Mairamou?”

Yapendo Maimuna immediately chirped in, “What are you trying to say, Mujaheed? That we’re going to destroy her life just because she loves you and we get married to you while you’re away from home?”

“Yapendo Maimuna, please. Don’t have yourself involved in this; I know she’s your daughter, but I think I have something to say in this. I'm no more the 24 years old you know. If then you can’t force me to do what I don’t want to, then you won’t force me now that I'm already married with a daughter. I've clearly told you that I don’t love her, I see her the way I see Kulthum, she’s a sister to me, nothing else. And I can’t destroy her life knowing I won’t be a good husband to her.” He had never been this furious his whole life. He had always hated the audacity of Kawu Sadam, he thought that he was his father or what? Mujaheed was certain even Daada wouldn’t do what he just did to him. And if what he said about Daada agreeing the marriage was true, then it was either he was promised of something, probably his return. Or he was under pressure by his older brother that he had nothing else to do but agree.

“Mujaheed, what are you trying to say?” Kawu Sadam began and Mujaheed stood up.

“I have my wife, and I love her so very much I can’t even begin to imagine getting another wife for the rest of my life. I’ll have to go and discuss this with Daada and then I'll get back to you whether I'll accept this marriage or not, but be rest assured my answer will be no.” He walked to where a stupefied Fareeda sat down and took his hand in hers before he pulled her up. “I'm sorry but I have to leave now.”

He firmly held her wrist and they walked in nothing but silence. It got to the point that Fareeda could see the written words of what had just been discussed in that living room and she took off her glasses. Along the way, she stumbled and nearly fell, that was when Mujaheed turned he saw that she had taken her glasses off. Did she always do this when she was deeply pained?

He stood right on track, not minding the people that were flashing them a look. He placed his hands on her shoulders and she didn’t have to put her glass to know it was him. “Do you always do this when you’re deeply hurt?” He asked lightly, even though his anger could burn the whole damn palace, he tried to calm himself because he knew she was the one that needed this consolation the most.

“What do I do? Are we in our chamber already? I want to sleep.” Her voice broke when she spoke and she didn’t have to tell Mujaheed that she was doing all she could to stop herself from breaking into tears, knowing so well they weren’t alone.

“Take off your glass? Are you so hurt to the point that you don’t want to see anyone and anything in this world? I'm sorry, Fareeda, but put back your glass let’s reach out chamber then you can take it off and cry all you want, okay?” He said with a soothing voice and that only made her tears more irresistible.

“I'm not putting it back. Will you just guide me there?” With each word she had spoken, Mujaheed could already taste her pain, feel the agony she felt in her heart.

“I'd carry you then, because I can't have you stumbling while we walk.” He didn’t wait for her to reply when he scooped her into his arms. He didn't mind the eyes staring at them, some of the people smiled while some rushed to go and call their friends to see what they had seen. He as well ignored her tearful attempts, asking him to set her down until he was sure they were in the confines of their room and he placed her down on the bed before he sat down, taking her hand in his.

“Now, can you at least put it and seems face while we talk?” Reluctantly, Fareeda did as he said and when she saw his face, she broke into tears almost immediately.

“Fareeda...” He watched as her lips trembled and he pulled her to his chest. She painfully wrapped her hands around him while and her whole body shook with her tears. Mujaheed had no other choice but to hold onto her while wishing he could cry himself. Because he had never felt something as shocking as this, and it had been so long since something made him this furious. “They got you married to her, Mujaheed. What should I do now?” She lifted her wet face from his chest and stared at him, Mujaheed noticed he had a lot of things to take care of, a lot of things to feel guilty of, but what was more important was that Fareeda shouldn't be hurt in this. She shouldn’t be the one to cry as much as she was crying now.

He cleared his tears with her thumb and lightly kissed her forehead. “You’re my wife, Fareeda. You’re the only woman I can accept as a wife in my life. They got me married to her, so what? Had it been I'm a woman, then it should be something to worry about, but I'm the man, I'll have to divorce her even if no one is going to support. Which I'm so sure Daada will, I'll just have to speak to him about this. She might be Kulthum’s friend, but Kulthum has always got my back, okay?”

She shook her head, feeling as the pain slowly began to lacerate her heart in painful strides that she wanted to pour out all her intestines. She though she knew pain, but this, this was something she had never thought she would feel in her life. “I'm scared, Mujaheed. I'm afraid they will have to force you to stay married to her because after all, she’s your relative and also you come from the same tribe and everything. What should I do then? Should I go back to Taraba with Muhaseen?”

Even though seeing her hurt like this pained him so much, he couldn't help but lightly smile. “No one can ever force me to stay with her, Fareeda. And you not being a Cameroonian and not my family has nothing with the love I have for you and also the marriage we have between us, not even Muhaseen. You aren’t going anywhere; I'll be staying here with you as my wife until the ends of time.”

“Will you love her like you love me?” That question made him planted a smooch on her lips before he looked into her eyes and shook his head.

“I can never love someone apart from you, not to even talk of loving her the way I love you.” She was looking into his eyes to see his sincerity, his love, his affection for her. And Mujaheed could say this, no one’s could be able to portray true emotions like Fareeda’s eyes could. So pure, innocent and there was pain hiding at every layer of those honey orbs.

✥

“How could you do this to me, Mairamou? Why didn’t you tell me you got married to Hamma Mujaheed all these years? Do you think this is fair to me?” Kulthum asked in such an angry voice that even though Mairamou was angry at both her and her brother, she couldn’t help being afraid of this outburst. She could say she had never seen Kulthum being as furious as she was right now.

“Why are you this furious at me, Kulthum? Are you trying to say that you didn't know that I've been in love with Hamma Mujaheed for so long now?” She asked, being equally furious as well. She didn't know why both brother and sister had always been so selfish. All they thought of were themselves and all they cared for were themselves. She wondered how they could be so sure about themselves.

“What are you trying to imply?! Wasn’t that since when we were young? Mairamou, that’s not what I want to hear from you, if you could remember, before I got married I asked you whether you love Hamma Mujaheed and you told me the childhood crush you had for him has vanished. Wasn't that what you said?!” Fulani tones and accents were always hard for her whenever she was furious, and she wanted nothing but for the one she was trying to explain things for to understand her. So, she always ended up mixing Fulani, Arabic and French when furious.

Mairamou flashed her a hurt look, as if she couldn’t believe she would do that to her. “I know we had that conversation, but...”

Kulthum lifted her hand to stop her, “There’s no but here, Mairamou. I wonder why you said that to me when you know deep down you still love him and was even willing to wait for him to come back not knowing whether he’d come back to you or not!” She thundered and Mairamou walked to where she stood, furiously glaring at her.

“What are you trying to imply now, Kulthum? Because I can’t even understand why you’re this angry. I thought you’d be happy if you find out?” Even though she was angry, but she knew she had to calm herself down a bit.

“I would’ve been happy if you aren't trying to snatch away someone else’s happiness to get yours. Not that I can assure you if you’d ever get that happiness from him, because he has made it clear to you that he loves his wife and he isn’t willing to get another wife apart from her. If I were you, the love I have for him will make me let him go, to stay with the woman he loves...”

Mairamou chirped in with a hard look on her face. “Oh, wow. There you are, as selfish as your brother is, Kulthum. I've waited for this man for five years!”

“He didn't ask you to wait! He didn't even know you were waiting for him, goddammit!”

“Whatever it is, I won't rest until I have what I truly deserve.”

“If that’s what you say, then I'd love to tell you that I'd support my brother in every decision he has taken. You might think that you love him, but hey! This isn’t love because you’re trying to break someone’s home to build yours!”

Yapendo Maimuna was about to barge into the room when her maid of honor tapped her shoulder and spoke with a smile, “I don’t think this is the right time to make any move in front of that girl. Will her highness give me the chance to say something?”

✥

Mujaheed held Kulthum’s hands and he cleared her tears with his thumb. “What are you crying about, Kulthum? I told you, I'm fine, I'm okay, you shouldn’t worry about me, okay?” He spoke calmly and she shook her head stubbornly at him.

“I don’t believe you, Hamma Mujaheed. I could see through your eyes, you’ve always known that, don’t you? You’re in pain, in fact, you’re afraid of what would happen.” He sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat. He knew he could hide a few things from Kulthum but definitely not his feelings. She knew him so well that he sometimes wondered how one could know his siblings the way she did.

“I’m scared of losing Fareeda. I mean, I know I can’t lose her, but I don't want her to be hurt, Kulthum. Kawu Sadam isn't a man we can all play with, I had to pull up that strong man act in front of him because I want to calm her nerves. She has been crying since then, it took a lot of effort before I made her fall asleep. What do you think I should do?” He was afraid of what Kawu Shehu will do if he said he wouldn’t accept this marriage, and yet he was so determined not to accept it as well, because there was no way he will so something his heart didn't want him to.

“I don’t know what you should do about this, Hamma Mujaheed, I'm also afraid for you. I don’t think I've ever seen you happy since Yumma left us until you came back with Fareeda and I can say she’s your only source of happiness now. I tried to speak to Mairamou so that she will tell Kawu Sadam that she isn't interested in the marriage anymore, but she wasn't willing to listen to me. I think we should speak to Daada about to first and ask him the truth of the matter, don't you think?”

He was reluctant at first, but he realized that was the only way to soothe his confusion at some point. “Don’t you think it will bother him? We have to do all it takes to take care of his health, Kulthum.”

“He’s our Daada, Hamma Mujaheed, I’m sure he will always understand us. But we have to speak to him in a subtle way and not show him how bothered we are of the situation.

With their hands entwined, they went together to Daada’s room and his face lit up to a smile when he saw them walking into the room. “My babies.”

They smiled at the same time and it was Kulthum who whined, “We’re no more babies, Daada. I have two kids and he has a daughter, we’re parents now.”

Mujaheed planted a knock on the crown of her head and Daada weakly giggled. “Add more to her, Mujaheed. You’ll always be my babies, Kulthum. I don’t care how you all age, but in my heart you’ll forever be my babies.”

She walked over to the bed and hugged him lightly, Mujaheed did the same and they stood beside him. “What is it? I could see that something is bothering both of you. Or should I say, one of you is bothered by something and the other is sad over the other’s pain, am I right?”

They looked at each then back to Daada before they smiled and nodded their heads, and Kulthum began. “You see, Daada, today Kawu Sadam called us to his chamber, together with Fareeda as well. He told Hamma Mujaheed that he had gotten him married to Mairamou since after you left, she has been his wife for five years now and it’s time they start living as husband and wife. We don’t even believe him, but he said that you know about the marriage then, that’s why we came here to speak with you about it. Did what he said true?”

Daada stared at them with a father’s love brewing from his eyes. Each of their hands were in his and he smiled at them. “It was two months after you left, I fell sick at the time because I thought I had lost you forever, Mujaheed, and all my attempts to find you proved futile. I was on the hospital bed when your Baffah came to me with a worried look on his face, he told me that we have to get you married Mairamou, I wanted to protest about that, but I asked me to trust him, and we all know he wouldn't do anything bad to us, will he?” He asked them and they solemnly shook their heads. “I think they got you two married that day. I don’t know Baffah’s reason for doing that, but I know it’s something concrete. I’m sure he won’t tell me even if I ask him because of my health condition, but Mujaheed, he might tell you his reason now, you should go and ask him.”

“I will, Daada.” He nodded his head with a feign smile. Since when Daada told him it was Baffah that spoke to him about it, Mujaheed knew something big might’ve happened or nearly happened and he had no other choice but to do that in order to protect or cover up something.