Chapter 83 The Memory of Flour and Sugar
Aria POV
The room in the Under-City was small and smelled like damp earth and old incense, and I sat on a low stool while Hecate moved around me, placing small bowls of dark water on the floor in a circle that felt like a cage. My mind felt like it was splitting in two, because one half of me was still the girl who liked the sound of the morning bells and the feel of flour on my palms, while the other half was a cold, silver-black weight that wanted to run into the dark and never look back. I tried to focus on the memory of my kitchen, the way the sunlight used to hit the cooling racks at exactly eight in the morning, but the images were blurry and distant as if they belonged to a movie I had watched a long time ago rather than my own life.
"You have to look into the water, Aria, because the wolf is trying to hide the truth from you and we need to see what the city looks like if you choose to stay in the shadows," Hecate said, and she pressed a hand against my shoulder to keep me from standing up when the floor began to vibrate with a low, humming sound.
"I don't want to see the future, I just want to go back to the way things were before Grayson walked into my shop and before the Syndicate decided I was some kind of freak," I told her, and my voice felt thin and fragile, like it was about to break under the pressure of the headache that was blooming behind my eyes.
"The girl who owned that shop is dead, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner we can figure out how to keep you from becoming the monster that burns this city to the ground," she replied, and she tipped a vial of dark oil into the central bowl, making the water swirl and turn into a mirror that didn't reflect the ceiling but instead showed a sky filled with thick, black smoke.
I leaned forward against my will, and as I stared into the dark liquid, I saw the streets I used to walk every day, but they were filled with rubble and the bodies of wolves and humans alike. I saw myself standing on a bridge, my fur shimmering with that terrifying silver light, and across from me stood Grayson, his face twisted in a mix of rage and agony as he held a weapon pointed at my heart. It wasn't a reunion, because we weren't reaching for each other, and instead, we were the centers of two different storms that were about to collide and destroy everything in between.
"Is that what happens if I go back to him? We just end up killing each other in the middle of a war that neither of us wanted?" I asked, and I felt a cold tear roll down my cheek and splash into the water, breaking the vision for a second before it knit itself back together.
"The bond is the trigger, and as long as you are both alive and connected, the Syndicate can use that energy to power their ritual, so the vision isn't a possibility, it’s a mathematical certainty if you don't change your path," Hecate explained, and she sat back on her heels, watching me with those eyes that seemed to see right through my skin and into the mess of my soul.
I closed my eyes to escape the sight of the burning city, and in the darkness of my own mind, I found myself standing back in the bakery, but the ovens were cold and the air was still. I saw my Nana sitting at the small table in the corner where she used to do the bookkeeping, and she looked up at me with a soft smile that made my chest ache so hard I thought I would stop breathing.
"Nana, I can't do this, because they're telling me I have to kill the only person who makes me feel like I’m still human, and I don't think I have enough strength left to be the person everyone wants me to be," I whispered to the version of her that lived in my memories, and I reached out to touch the worn wood of the table just to feel something solid.
"You're thinking about the flour and the water, Aria, but you're forgetting that bread only rises under heat, and you were always the strongest when the pressure was the highest," her voice echoed in my head, and it sounded so real that I could almost smell the cinnamon on her apron. "The pain isn't there to break you, it's there to show you what you're made of, and you have to decide if you're going to be the one who lets the fire burn the house down or the one who uses it to feed the people who are starving in the dark."
"But it hurts so much, and the wolf is so loud that I can't hear my own heart anymore," I told her, and I felt the silver-black energy pulsing in my veins, trying to push the image of my grandmother away and replace it with the cold void of the Under-City.
"Then stop trying to fight the wolf and start trying to lead it, because you're the one holding the grain, Aria, and the beast is just the tool you use to grind it into something useful," she said, and then her image started to fade as the sound of Hecate’s chanting pulled me back into the cold reality of the bunker.
I opened my eyes and the water in the bowls was clear again, but the weight in my stomach felt like lead, and I looked at my hands, seeing the faint silver lines that were still traced under my skin. I knew that Hecate wanted me to join her Exiles and become a queen of the tunnels, and I knew that Grayson was probably searching the sewers for me right this second, but the vision of the bridge wouldn't leave my head. I had to choose between a life of hiding with people who saw me as a weapon and a life of fighting alongside a man whose very presence was killing me.
"I’m not staying here, and I’m not going to be your Judgment Wolf, because there has to be a third option that doesn't involve me being a murderer or a hermit," I told Hecate, and I stood up, feeling a new kind of heat burning in my chest that didn't feel like the wolf's rage, but like my own stubbornness.
"There is no third option in a war of extinction, and if you walk out that door, you are choosing the battlefield," she warned, and she didn't move as I walked toward the heavy steel door that led back to the darkness of the tunnels.
"Then I guess I’d better find a way to win before the city starts burning, because I’m not losing Grayson and I’m not losing myself just to make your legends come true," I said, and I pushed the door open, feeling the cold air of the Under-City hit my face like a challenge.