Chapter 20

It hurts, it hurts so much and yet I keep trying to deny the things I now remember. They're there, my memories, they're there as bright and clear as this hospital light.

"Why?" I asked myself, although I said it out loud and now Claire thinks the question is directed at her.

She pulled me to her. "What's it baby?." She asked, but I couldn't answer.

She gently lifted my chin up, now looking me in the eye, asking me, pleading at the same time to know what's going on with me and I so much want to tell her, but I just don't know how to.

My chest hurts. I want to see him, I want to see my Phil. He couldn't have, he couldn't have done all those things .. my Phil couldn't have.. Phil. "Phil." I called so softly and then I looked up at Claire who kept wiping my tears, I stopped her and then I said. "I want to see Phil." But she shakes her head no.

Instantly, I pull away from her. Why?" I asked, but I didn't wait for her answer. I took her hands in mine. "Please take me to Phil." I said, looking her in the eyes pleadingly, but she still refused, she didn't say anything and that's when I began to cry out loud.

"My Phil wouldn't." I mused. "He wouldn't do all those things to me. 

"Why?" I asked and Claire pulled me closer to her, but I feel so miserable. It feels as though this room has no air in it and I need that so badly.

I sniffed and wiped my now running nose. I feel so much pain. My chest hurts so much. "I loved him. He was my father, brother, sister, mother, my friend, my everything. I loved him yet he did all those things to me."  I cried.

Claire touched my face. "Me, baby." She called and I looked at her. I know she's sad that I'm hurting, but then yes, I'm in pain and it hurts so bad.

"I don't know."  I muttered, crying, and then I moved closer to Claire wanting so badly to feel her comfort, I placed my head on her shoulders and I held her tight. Instantly she pulls me closer.

"I don't know; I whisper in pain. 'Why would he do those things to me." I said and then I found myself crying profusely.

"I don't know, baby." Claire said softly to my ears and that's when I noticed that she's crying.

I sniffed and found myself holding back my tears. "I'm alright." I said, wiping her tears. "I'm alright." I said again and then I kissed her left check. "I love you."

She pulled me to her. "I love you." 

I smiled happily and then got down from the hospital bed. "Claire." I called, pulling her down. 

I want to see her, our baby." I said happily, almost couldn't wait to bolt out of the hospital door and go find our daughter wherever she is, but then as I pulled Claire, I began to feel dizzy. I told Claire about this and she lay me back on the bed and told me to rest.

"It's the drug Le, rest." I heard, not sure if I heard while I was awake or in my dreams.