Chapter 60 I ruined it all
Amarien's POV
The Emperor loved me.
That's the one thought that came to my mind as I saw the guillotine right ahead.
Malrick had assured me I won't be executed outside of the palace, so the mob won't take hold of me and tear me to pieces.
The Emperor loved me, and I threw it all away. I had my chance to be Queen: Save myself from this onslaught to leave another day for my baby.
Oh my baby! What will become of you? Tears simmered in my eyes. But I tried too hard not to think about it, lest I give in to despair.
The execution will only be a few short minutes, and I'd be in Grandma Chichi's arms. Then I'll be handed over to the Palace Apothecary, who will comb through my dead body, where they'll find that I had been pregnant. What will Daevir think when he sees I've had his baby all this time?
If only I could get to him. I have no idea the poisons Catherine might have filled his mind with.
Oh gods, I hope he doesn't hate me right now. I won't be able to bear it. I have given everything up for this one man; the least he could do is be gracious and hear me out.
I looked around, hoping for a sign of Daevir. Any sign. He always comes through in situations like this. When I get in trouble or when the Emperor is about to tear me apart with his love.
When I thought it was all over, and no one in this world would stand up for me because they don't care about me. Daevir will then unexpectedly appear as a knight in shiny armour.
He will snatch me away and take me off to a distant village where the palace guards will never be able to reach. Who knows, once all of this dies down after he rescues me, he might come visiting at my new place once in a while, and by then I will have told him about his baby, and we will be one big happy family.
The cruelty of that hope stung me as I stood before the guillotine.
We've arrived.
The only people here are Malrick, the head of the Emperor's guards and a few guards who look at me in disdain.
I am surrounded only by enemies and men who hate me.
Where is Corvin? The law of the palace says I'm to be escorted by my courtiers. I looked around.
They had all deserted me.
Corvin had had all sorts of dreams for me. He knew I'd be Queen; he had seen that the Emperor looked upon me with something other than favour. He knew the Emperor had an obsession with an unknown root for me.
He planned his life around me. Yes, he dreaded me when I first came, thinking the gods had cursed him with an ill fate for handing him the Cursed Concubine.
But when he saw my unintentional hold on the Emperor, Corvin began building his ambitions around him. He had gotten more promotions and wealth with me than most concubine Eunuchs had gotten in their lifetime.
He was also envied, and people associated him with my curse. Thinking I was helping him with my malevolent force to keep him rich.
Corvin had hoped the sickly Emperor would consummate the union and that I could have a child to keep him in his wealthy positions. He had ignored the waves of news that hinted that I was unfaithful to the Emperor with his son. He won't believe it. I was far too innocent, too pure for him.
The last time I saw Corvin was when I was dragged through the palace mob who wanted to stone me to death. Corvin had been among them, hiding for his life, for it's not uncommon to kill a Eunuch whose concubine had been unfaithful.
When our eyes met, I saw something akin to pity and contempt in his eyes. I had ruined his life and his hopes for a better life.
Corvin…I'm sorry. I wanted to beg, but the guard hurled me on before the people got mad with rage and ran out to me at once to destroy me.
"It's time." Malrick's voice cut through my thoughts. I stepped shaky onto the guillotine, tears burning my eyes.
Please Daevir. If you will show up, now is the time. Don't leave me for too long. I have a lot to say to you. Please, I can't die with your child in me.
The cool morning air brushed through my skin. This air would have brought peace, but now it felt like a million invisible needles pierced me.
There was no Daevir. Not here, not in the distant.
Catherine can't be right. He won't just leave me to die. He loves me more than anything else.
"The degree of the emperor…" the voice of the Messenger who read my death note blazed through the air.
It shook me up. For once, I thought that was my hope. No, it isn't. It's my death announcement.
"To Concubine Amarien, the unfaithful concubine who has brought her curse upon us all. We will satisfy you with death set for thieves and not the Queen's. Your body will be torn into the shallow pits of Azure, where the vulture will feast and fill their belly. For you will forever be held in contempt by the people and the Kingdom of the land."
I shivered and quickly clutched my stomach.
My baby. My baby!
How can I save you? How could you forgive me for letting you die? Would you have had a better life than this? How would you forgive me for making you pay for my mistakes?
I wish your father would come any moment. Where would he be?
Daevir. I won't give up on you. Please, save me! Save us!
You promise to love me to the end.
You can't leave me like this!
"Rest your head on the guillotine," Malrick commanded.
Slowly and shaking, I obeyed. My body trembled beneath the sacks of rags they gave me to wear. It did nothing to bring any warmth to this icy morning.
I wanted to beg and plead, but it will only make the pain of my death longer and unbearable. The guards were alert for any form of mistake, so they couldn't ignore Malrick and lunged at me to fulfill their lust and anger toward me. Malrick is the only one standing between me and a quick death.
Why has he been kind to me despite despising me for not returning his Master's love?
"It will be quick." He assured.
I nodded, though I wanted to run. I rested my head on the board, and the executioner raised the blade with his great muscles.
I shut my eyes, though I wanted to scream.
I can't die like this!
I can't die like this!!
Malrick, where are you?
I can't save our child!!!
The thoughts of the afterlife crossed my mind. Will I be given a second chance if rebirth, or will the gods spit on my face for being unfaithful and make me burn for eternity?
I whimpered a prayer as Malrick's raised hands.
At the swift swing of his hands, the blade dropped.