Chapter 20 — Sebastian

Sebastian was twenty-two years old. Twenty-two was old enough to drive, to vote, and to drink. It was old enough that he’d recently obtained a college degree.

It was old enough to know better.

Wilted on his bed, Sebastian scrolled through his phone looking for an easy distraction. Nothing was appealing. None of the games he had installed were worth playing, and he was too high-strung to surf the internet mindlessly.

So, hoping for the best, he made a call. It was still early, and Sebastian didn’t expect much, but if he did nothing, he’d never feel better. He needed to get his thoughts out and speak to someone outside the situation—someone who’d offered him solid advice before.

A drowsy voice answered. “… Hello?”

“I’m sorry to call you so early, Gabriel, but you know I wouldn’t do it unless it was important.”

“Uh huh.” Gabriel yawned. “I haven’t even opened my eyes yet. What time is it? I grabbed my phone and answered just to make the ringing go away.”

“Seven in the morning.”

“Dammit, Sebastian.”

“I already apologized.” Sebastian frowned. “I know it’s not really ideal, but I’ve done worse things to you. And I really need you right now.”

The line was dead for a second. Sebastian imagined Gabriel was stretching. A beat passed, then Gabriel spoke. “All right. You have my full attention. I’ve even opened my eyes in case I need to interpret vague text messages like we’re girls in middle school.”

Sebastian pursed his lips. “How do you know it’s relationship stuff?”

“Because when do you ever call me about baby problems?” Gabriel snickered. “I’m putting on some coffee. If I sound busy, it’s because I’m doing that. While I’m setting up, tell me about what’s going on. Don’t worry about being too graphic. I’m immune to anything weird and gross when it comes to you.”

“I slept with Douglas,” Sebastian blurted out.

“Do you want a medal?”

“No.” Sebastian scowled. “I slept with him, and then this morning he was weird and closed off. He looked hurt, like he’d made a mistake, and he didn’t know how to kick my ass to the curb.”

“Kind of hard when you’re living in the same place, I guess.” There was a distant clattering from Gabriel’s end of the call. “Was it worth it?”

Sebastian went red. “What?”

“Was the sex worth it? I mean, was it hot? Did he make you come, or did you have to get off after he rolled away and fell asleep.”

Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at his face. “How good the sex is isn’t what matters. I wouldn’t care if he had the smallest dick in the world and couldn’t get it hard. I’m upset because I want him. I want him as more than just a fling.”

“Daddy fever.” Gabriel sighed. “Well. Okay. So I’m assuming the sex was good and he’s hung, and that you’ve already made up your mind about what you want from him. So then my next question is, what’s stopping you from getting it? Why aren’t you down there on your knees begging to suck on his dick if only it will make things right?”

Sebastian’s face grew hotter. “It doesn’t work that way. You make it sound like I’m some kind of sex slave. I’m not his pet.”

“Mmhm.” The upturned quirk in Gabriel’s voice was mischievous. “Makes talking to him like a functional adult sound a lot more palatable, doesn’t it? Like it or not, you’re going to have to speak your mind if you want to know where you stand. From what little you’ve told me, you said that he looks like he wants to kick you to the curb. You don’t know what the reality is unless you open a dialog with him.”

Hearing the truth was a lot easier than accepting it. Sebastian knew he had to be clear and communicative, but there was a roadblock inside of him that made doing it daunting. The fear of rejection weighed on his conscience.

What if Douglas told him to go? Sebastian wanted a relationship with him, and he wanted to keep his job. He didn’t want to turn back to his old life now that he’d found happiness and success elsewhere.

He didn’t want to lose Ian.

“Don’t overthink it,” Gabriel warned. “I know you, and I know you’re flighty and timid when you don’t have your work face on. You’re going to have to get in there and you’re going to have to be direct. You’re going to state your mind and be the firm, independent man I know you can be.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Sebastian knew that Gabriel was trying to help, but to be so assertive wasn’t like him. It was going to take a lot of willpower to get it done.

“Yeah, it is. But you know what? If this is something you want, then you’re going to have to put in the legwork, not me.”

“I know.”

“Then?”

Sebastian sucked in a breath and held it until his lungs ached. “I’ll go talk to him.”

“When?”

“As soon as I get off the phone with you.”

“And what are you going to say?”

“I’m going to tell him that I want a relationship and that I want to make this work. I’m going to be assertive. I’m going to tell him what I feel.”

Sebastian couldn’t see Gabriel’s face, but the way he spoke let his grin shine through regardless. “That’s my boy. Now go make sure the man you want knows that you want him. Worst case scenario? Come crash with your best friend. I’ve got an empty bedroom and no one to put in it, and you know how I feel about your cooking.”

“I’m hanging up now.” Sebastian smiled. The confrontation to come left him nervous, but Gabriel was great at pep talks, and he was ready for whatever would be said. “Thank you. Enjoy your coffee.”

“You know it. See you later.”

“Bye.”

The call ended. Sebastian put his phone down, then got out of bed. He’d said he was going to shower, but he needed to address the elephant in the room before he could do so with any peace of mind.

It was time to be bold. It was time to go after what he wanted.

It was time to stake his claim on life.

Sebastian wouldn’t let himself down. Not anymore.

Douglas was washing dishes when Sebastian came downstairs. He had a sullen expression on his face. Eyes set on the sponge on his hand, he didn’t look up with Sebastian approached.

Sebastian cleared his throat, making his presence known, but Douglas refused to move.

“Douglas?” Sebastian resorted to words, trying to keep his voice even and professional. “Can you please stop doing dishes for a second? I’d really like to talk.”

The water shut off. The plate once in Douglas’ hand clinked as it was set in the sink. Douglas turned and leaned against the counter. He wore rubber dish gloves.

“I think talking is a good idea,” Douglas agreed. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a few weeks now, and I think it’s time I said it.”

Sebastian perked up. If Douglas wanted to go first, that was fine by him. Maybe he wouldn’t have to be so brave after all. “Okay.”

Douglas frowned. He glanced to the side, eyes downcast. “There’s a rival company that’s been cannibalizing our employees. They’re hungry for accountants, and I think you should apply. I’ll send you the information once I’m done doing dishes.”

The statement was simple. Under normal circumstances, it would have been helpful. If it had been any other day, any other time, Sebastian would have been thrilled for news like that.

But immediately following a guilty night of passion in Douglas’ bed? And after the hurt look Douglas had given him first thing that morning? Sebastian saw right through the offer.

Douglas wanted him to find another job so he’d move out of the house. He didn’t want anything to do with Sebastian anymore. He’d seduced him, had fun with him all night, and now he was finished.

They were finished.

Sebastian’s heart tore in two. The courage he’d embodied seconds ago evaporated and left him the timid husk he’d been before his phone call with Gabriel.

“Oh.” Saliva pooled in Sebastian’s mouth. “Yeah. That would be great. Thanks.”

“I’m almost done with the dishes. It’s the weekend, so you’ll have some time to finalize your CV and send it off without worry about wasting any more time.”

“Right.” Monosyllabic words were all he could muster. Sebastian’s confidence deflated. “Cool.”

“Are you going to shower?” Douglas looked miserable. Sebastian hated that he’d done that to him. The only reason Douglas looked that way was because Sebastian couldn’t keep his hands to himself. If he’d said no, there would be no awkwardness.

But he hadn’t, and there was.

“Yeah.”

“Before you go, what did you want to talk about?” Douglas lifted his gaze, but Sebastian couldn’t bring himself to meet it. He was too torn up on the inside to think of looking into Douglas’ eyes. In them, he’d see everything he’d just lost.

“Nothing. It’s not really important, anyway. I was just going to ask if you were okay looking after Ian today.”

“It’s your day off. Of course I am.”

“Great.” It was far from great, but the word was a placeholder for all the tempestuous things Sebastian really wanted to say.

Why are you doing this? What did I do wrong? What can we do to work this out?

He didn’t have the heart to say any of them.

“I’m going to go shower, then I’m heading out for the day.” Sebastian turned to leave the kitchen. Douglas didn’t stop him. “Have fun with Ian.”

“Thanks. Have a good time out. Let me know when you’ll be home.”

Sebastian didn’t answer. He crossed the living room and climbed the stairs, locking himself in the bathroom. A melancholy sickness settled in his stomach and set down roots.

This was what he got for listening to his heart. This was what he got for falling so hard so fast with the first person that made him happy.

Sebastian ran the water, eager to wash the memories of last night away.

If Douglas wanted him gone, he’d do his part to get out. For the rest of the day, he planned to hand out resumes anywhere and everywhere he could.

It’d be better than sitting around sulking. If he did nothing, nothing would change, and Sebastian couldn’t tolerate the thought of being broken-hearted forever.