Aline feels the sun burning on her face, she is sure she had closed the curtains before going to sleep, then she opens one of her eyes and finds Malú smiling. She knows she has a request hidden between that smile showing all her teeth.
— What is Malu? As far as I know you don't have class today – mumbles Aline rubbing her eyes. She picks up the tablet and reads the message —I know today is the day to go back to the psychologist's group, but can we quiet the torch, since it's still eleven o'clock?
Malú takes a deep breath as she watches Aline turn over to continue sleeping. As much as she didn't want to, her anxiety is killing her. He takes his pillow and smiles mischievously and then strikes his aunt's head with it, who wakes up scared.
— Malú! – shouts Aline, getting up. She narrows her eyes while Malú laughs without any laughter coming out. The aunt then takes her pillow and crumples it in her hands while threatening —Run, but run a lot, young lady...
Malú jumps out of bed and runs from the room, almost tripping on the stairs. Despite not looking back, she feels that her aunt is not that far from her. She passes Adelaide, who has her new bedding, and runs towards the dining room, where she stops abruptly. Aline almost runs over Malú, stopping beside her niece.
The table is littered with food, but the best part is not having the terrible sisters waiting for them. The bad part is that Maria Luísa, the matriarch, watches them at the end of the table with a face of few friends. Malú knows why: they haven't gone down to breakfast, they're late for lunch and they're still not dressed properly.
—Good afternoon. – says Maria, placing her napkin on the table. She waves towards one of the maids who quickly takes her plate.
— Good morning – retorts Aline hugging Malú while facing Senhora Almeida.
— Sit down before the food gets cold. We don't want the same thing to happen as in the cafe. – Orders Maria, seriously. As soon as the two sit down, she gets up, walks towards Aline and touches her shoulder saying — I hope this never happens again.
—As you wish, ma'am. – Answers Aline, intimidated by Maria's gaze.
— It's not because Thiago is absent fulfilling his role as head of the family that has become Mother Joana's house here. – Maria comments, annoyed. —I'm going to settle some matters, but don't worry, Reginaldo will be at your disposal. I'll wait for you both for dinner. See you soon.
The two watch Maria walk to the exit and then look at each other, laugh and then eat the most delicious and peaceful breakfast/lunch they've ever had.
***
Malú gets out of the car next to Aline, avoids showing it as much as possible, but is nervous about seeing Benjamin again. She tries to convince herself that it's a nervousness that he was a badass, but the fact is that somehow, he messes with her.
— Ready? – Aline asks, opening the office door. Malú smiles at her indicating yes — Here we go.
— Hello, girls – Ariadne was waiting at the reception — I'm glad to hear that Malú decided to come to the session.
—Actually, she came to the group. – Aline confesses, twisting her lips.
— Oh, really? – asks Ariadne, surprised — Well, let's see if your insistence convinces Benjamin.
The three walk towards the room where the group meetings take place. As soon as the door opens, Malú holds her breath. Ariadne starts to walk towards Benjamin, but Malú passes her, almost running. She touches Benjamin's shoulder, who turns around in awe of the girl.
"Hi" says Malú in pounds "I came here to ask to join the group".
"Hello, where did you learn to speak in Libras? Tired of using your fancy tablet or were you afraid I would steal it?" asks Benjamin. Malú is paralyzed, she doesn't understand anything he says “I understand... you just learned that phrase, didn't you? So predictable..." concludes Benjamin in Libras that with a lot of effort, Malú understands.
"Teach me." asks Malú writing on her tablet. "I promise to do whatever you ask, I just need a chance."
“Why do you want so much to join a group like ours, of poor and excluded people? You're rich... I bet this is just another one of your moments for this Reality" writes Benjamin, annoyed.
“I was never rich…you don't know my story. And you know what? If you'd rather offend me than help me, you can stay with your idiotic group and I'll manage on my own," Malú writes, annoyed.
“Show up tomorrow at 3 pm and we'll see if you're as smart as you tried to show me now” writes Benjamin, who hands over the tablet and continues talking to the group, ignoring Malú's surprised look.
She walks back to her aunt and Ariadne trying to hide the joy she is feeling at finally being accepted into the Libra group.
— And then? – asks Aline, curious.
"Tomorrow, at 3 pm." writes Malú, smiling.
—That's great. – Ariadne exclaims, looking at her wristwatch. She smiles at Malú, who raises her eyebrow, not understanding anything. — That means that today we have a session. Let's go, Malu? I think we have a lot to talk about.
***
— So, Maria Luisa, how do you feel about the latest events? – Ariadne asks, staring at the young woman.
“Existing” writes Malú, taking a deep breath.
— Malú, you can do better than that – alleges the psychologist.
"What do you want to know?"
"Everything, how you feel, what you think, what you're afraid of, I'm afraid... What makes you happy." Anything you feel you should tell me.
Malú stares at her tablet screen while mentally organizing each of her information. So she begins to carefully write down everything she was keeping to herself. After a few minutes, the young woman hands the tablet to the psychologist and then looks out the window trying to hold back her tears.
“Existing is the only word that comes close to describing what I feel at the moment. I'm existing, but I don't feel like I'm living my life. Every day, for a few seconds, I feel like this is all just a dream and I'll get out of my bed, in the tiny room I share with Aunt Aline. I'll go into the kitchen and find my mom making yesterday's warmed–up bread with a slice of mozzarella. Aunt Aline just arrived from the Hotel huffing and smelling of cigarettes and drinks... And Uncle Ícaro reading his newspaper, or waiting for me with a book. I'll go sit at the table, we'll talk about the drunk guys at the Bar, or some news in the paper. We laugh at some of the uncle's bullshit... My mom will tell me I'm late for class. I'll run out to get my things and then she'll stop me in front of her, make the sign of the cross on my forehead, mouth and heart..." May God keep you, take you and bring you back to me, my little girl" It would be these words. I would answer back... Because in my life I still say: Amen, Mom. And I'll go to school. My friends will be there... The little guy I like will sit in front of me and I'll promise one more time that I will talk to him.
After those seconds... I'm back at the Mansion. I go down and everything is different... All I have left is Aunt Aline and still she is not the same anymore, but she makes an effort. But my mother isn't there... Ícaro isn't reading his newspaper... There's no warm bread with mozzarella, I can ask, but it's not the same. There is my father, my grandmother and my future stepmother with her sister. An offense session to accompany my breakfast. So I go to school exactly on time with the driver or Aunt Aline. Even with my Aunt I don't receive the blessing, even so I try to stay well and enter the school. A school where nobody talks to me and my friends are too busy...
And I don't speak... I try everyday, fight for it everyday... And with each day that goes by, my chances get smaller... Sometimes I doubt if I'm really alive. That's my fear... Of the Malú that I was, having died... And being just existing, just like a beautiful memory.
Because I'm just existing... Even though I know that existing isn't enough."
Ariadne holds the tablet in her hands for a long time, then returns it to Malú, who quickly wipes her tears.
—I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. –The psychologist approaches —But today, I saw this Malú that you think has died. It's there inside you, just asleep waiting to find a reason to move on.
“But I have no reason to go on. Do you think I haven't thought of putting an end to this pain of mine? I think every day. But I can not..."
—What goes through your head when that kind of idea comes to your mind?
“If I try this, I won't just be killing myself, like my aunt... I know that, but sometimes the pain is so unbearable and you can't speak... Not being able to scream is... endless torture. "
—Malu, you can scream. But you have to really want it... Only you can make that scream happen. The more you keep to yourself, the more you will distance yourself from your cry for freedom from this silence that has taken over you.
"It sounds crazy , but I can talk... When I see my mother" reveals Malú.
—Have you seen your mother? At where? When?
“I see my mother everywhere when I call her, but it's been a while since I spoke to her. But that's because a lot has happened so... I've been kind of busy."
—Have you tried talking to your father?
"Thiago is traveling".
— Before?
“We traveled together, he told me some things about his history with my mother. But... I'm not ready to bond with him. Not yet"
—Do you still blame him?
“The truth is, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what's true anymore, or what's a lie. Who is the villain, or the good guy. I just want my life back."
— Malú, but this is your life. I know it's not the way you chose, but this is your life and only you can make it count.
"How? How can I make it count?"
—Take the good moments of your day and keep them with you. They're few, tiny, and barely noticeable, but they're still out there. Play treasure hunt with them and you'll see that there's still a lot of good, joyful and unique things happening... And you're losing all that trying to rescue the past. So from today I want you to do this treasure hunt and look for the happy moments, the good things in your day and keep it with you, okay?
"He is well"
— Wow – says Ariadne looking at the clock in the room — We exceeded the time of the session... Look, something rare.
“It really is” writes Malú with a slight smile.
—And there we have the first hidden treasure: your smile. Keep it.
“You can leave it” Malú closes the tablet and puts it in her bag.
Before leaving the room, he gives one more smile to the psychologist who raises her hands, closes them in the air and then places them on her heart: She is also guarding her treasure .