BELLA.
"What?" I heard Caspar's angry growl, he was definitely cursing me for being so shameless. "Do you no longer value your life? You are fucking inviting me to kill you?"
"Understand whatever you want, I-I just wish to meet you once…please."
I was disrespecting my dignity and begging him for one glance. I must have lost my mind for sure. I was shocked when I heard Caspar's laughter, it sounded like he was having fun listening to my pleading. As desperate as I was, I continued begging him. I don't know what I was even expecting from him…
"Bella, don't be so impatient. I'll soon meet you with my wife," he chuckled, hitting the nail in my heart. "You don't have to beg me, I'll make sure to invite you to my wedding with Nancy."
My last string of hope snapped and I became sure that he did not care for me anymore. He was blinded by her, the other woman who was not me.
"Caspar," I screamed at the top of my lungs, losing my temper. "Caspar, you can't do this to me… you can't marry the other woman. You are supposed to be mine even if we are apart from each other."
Oh lord, the biggest hypocrite I was. I could not believe I was barking something this audacious to the man I attempted to murder once.
"Shut up, Bella, you do not tell me what I should do and what not! You died for me the day you orchestrated my assassination."
The obvious reply of his confirmed that I had definitely lost my sense of understanding. I panicked, my heart was refusing to let him. "Curse me all you want, I'm ready to receive your punishment but please don't do this to me…"
"Why?" He growled in rage, I could even feel the horror of his frightening voice through the phone. "Oh right, now you are finally realising that you love me and want me back! Are you perhaps jealous of my happiness?"
"I-I have loved you from the day we first met in the club–"
"Oh Bella, don't be a fool," he laughed in a betrayed tone. "You are mistaking attraction for love. You were drunk that night when you allowed me to embrace you and the very next day you left me!"
"I…I"
I couldn't reply to his questions and maybe he was right. I was attracted to his handsomeness, his gorgeous face and his sculpted physique… That's what my life was like before marrying him.
I would look for handsome guys and fuck with them. I was a worse woman and I'm still worse…But… Caspar has never called me whore or slut. He respected me and ignored my past relationship mistakes.
And what did I do in return? My eyes turned teary as I sobbed painfully. "Yes. Yes, I admit it was attraction at first, however I started loving you."
"Pfft," he sneakers. "You and your lies are fucking annoying. Do not call me anymore or else I'll send my men to assassinate you right now! Do not forget who I'm."
Saying that, he hung up the call, leaving me devastated. My delusional bubble snapped, I realized I had already lost him. He can't be mine anymore.
I felt my heartbeat stopping for a second as I collapsed on the floor. My mind was constantly reminding me of Caspar with Nancy… I closed my eyes and let the tears wash over my cheeks. I was in a miserable state and nobody except him could make me feel better…
I kept calling him again and again only to be ignored. The maids knocked on the door for dinner.
"I wish to not eat tonight. Please don't disturb me and take care of Karina," I replied, controlling my shaking voice.
I was refusing to meet my daughter because my mind was unstable. I don't want my negativity and sadness to affect her, she should remain happy.
After the maids left, I got up and took out my dagger from the drawer. "My brother can raise my daughter, I'm not a good mother to her."
"What will she think of me when she finds out that I attempted to kill her father? She will hate me like how Caspar is," I said to myself in agony. "And she will abandon me in the future, return to her father and live happily with her stepmother Nancy! That bitch, Nancy Mandarin!"
My grip on the dagger tightens when the thought of that woman comes into my mind. The killer instinct inside me wants that woman dead.
"No. No, why am I thinking about killing again?" I dropped the dagger and grabbed my head with both hands. My head was dancing left and right in anxiousness.
That night I spent sending texts to Caspar despite receiving no reply from me. I lay on the floor, groveling for mercy from him while my hand held the dagger tightly.
The morning sunrise's rays fell on my face, and I opened my swollen eyes only to be blinded by the brightness of the rays. I tried to get up, however I suddenly felt very weak.
I had to get up with the support of the wall and then close the windows and balcony doors. After a few hours of sunrise, it starts getting dark and rain arrives followed by snow. The climate of Saint Petersburg is pretty cold most of the year.
"Miss Bella, it's time for you to get up.
The maids knocked on my door and I lazily opened the door. When they saw my puffed red face, they gasped in shock.
"Miss Bella, why are your eyes so red and swollen? Even your cheeks are red. What happened to you?" They bombarded me with questions that I didn't want to answer.
I kept with and asked them to help me change. About an hour later, I was feeling better. But I had difficulty finishing my breakfast, lunch and dinner too.
I couldn't forget my conversation with Caspar and him mentioning Nancy. All day long I spent checking out the news channel about Caspar. Because of this, I was even neglecting Karina…
That night when everyone was asleep, I went upstairs on the terrace. It was raining lightly, and I was only in my nightrobe. The chilling cold winds entered my body, causing me to shiver.
Still, my steps didn't stop, I walked towards the end of the terrace and dialed Caspar's number. And as expected he didn't answer my desperate calls. Very well. I was almost at the end of my pathetic life.
I typed another text, "Caspar, pick up my call. I know you are seeing my messages and ignoring them without replying. Pick up the call or else today I'll kill myself and give you the satisfaction you want."
RING!
I never expected that he would call instantly after I threatened him with my life. I quickly picked up the call and before I could say anything, he growled in burning anger.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"I want you, can't you understand," I retorted, my voice raspy and desperately pathetic.
"And I do not desire you anymore. Stop provoking me to get my revenge on you."
His every word slashed my heart into pieces, leaving me with emptiness. I could not endure his harsh words. Clenching my fists, I bawled angrily. "Oh, right? Now you desire that redhead girl Nancy Mandarin, right? You started fucking her since the day you came out of your coma."
"Bella, you–"
"Caspar, you listen to me," I debated, stopping him in the middle of his sentence. "I have been trying to explain to you since yesterday that I regretted my life's every second without you. I cursed myself, I abused myself, I cried all night… I yearned for you every night knowing very well that you will never return to me."
"I thought you were dead, I gulped that truth and blamed myself until now for killing you. But when I heard you were alive, I saw hope for my pathetic life."
I inhaled the air because I was sobbing and angry at the same time. Managing a sad smile on my face I said," I wanted to ask for your forgiveness and explain everything to you. I wanted to–"
"It's all over, I'm not listening to you anymore," he shunned me again, infuriating me further. "I have to go to bed, Nancy is waiting for me."
"Do you like her so much that you can't wait to fuck her?" My words were cruel and full of jealousy. "You were seduced by her when you first met her. I was naive to not have known about my husband's affair! Such a fool I'm."
"Bella, stop assuming. I'm getting tired of–"
"Yes, you are tired of me now. Alright, I'll fulfill what you want," I laughed painfully as I stepped on the terrace's wall. "I, myself, will get out of your life forever. You will never find me even if you want to."
"Hey, stop talking nonsense," I heard panic in his voice. Yes, I know that he still cares for me but he doesn't love me. He isn't mine anymore, so my life is worthless.
I can't see him getting married to another woman when I'm alive, I will die of a heart attack.
"You want me dead right? Today I will make you happy, Caspar," my smile widened as I stood at the edge of the terrace's wall. I looked down from the top, and my heart raced. "It's very scary from top to bottom. Good for me. At least I will not survive the fall."
"B-Bella, no. Get down from wherever you are. I said, "Get down, right now."
"No, Caspar. I don't want to live without you," I murmured with tears in my eyes."I love you, my beloved husband."
I dropped the phone and jumped down, my body felt light as I closed my eyes. It was going to be a painful death, however I'm happy that I have prevented myself from dying every minute of my life by seeing Caspar loving another woman.
CRASH