Chapter 42 - Fear, Vulnerability!

She pushed Alexander off her. He stumbled a bit and regaining balance, looked at her with murderous eyes.

"So you want to get away with me? And with someone like him?" He asked her icily. The coldness in his voice, made her body shiver.

"What?!" Sapphire was left confused, she asked him raising my brows, furrowing forehead.

"Sapphire, if you think I will let you go with someone, you are utterly mistaken. I will kill him for touching my girl and chain you forever." He came near her and gripped her wrists very tightly.

Here was the man I loved!

I gave my everything believing him while he was unable to believe me or even let me explain. Sapphire thought.

"Alexander, you think I will go with him? Me? After giving my all to you?" Sapphire laughed bitterly.

"Just think once, after meeting each other, whose life has been changed between us? Mine or yours? Mine. I do everything as you say, but still it's not enough to get your trust. Still, you are not satisfied. You always force your decisions on me; I think it's your love, protectiveness. But no, I realize now, you never trusted me. A relationship without trust crumbles easily. I think I won't be able to do this anymore. How much I love you that doesn't matter, I won't be with you when you think so lowly of me. My pride won't let me." She said with a sigh. Her lips were quivering, as she held back her tears.

It hurt her badly when he said that she would go away with another man. How could he think so lowly of her? Everything seemed meaningless to her at that moment.

"What!" He exclaimed, raising his brows.

"I meant just end it. You won't want someone as unfaithful like me!" She cried out.

A sharp pain hit her chest when she said to end the relationship. She never wanted to end this relationship; she loved him so much, unconditionally. After her father, he was the first person whom she loved, trusted. But this cruel accusation from him, broke her heart, her pride was questioned.

"You want to end relationship with me, now? So silly of you sweetheart, but you were doomed for good when you said yes to me. No way out now, you are bound with me. If you think I will let you go and you will choose somebody, you are entirety mistaken. I will kill the person for sure and with you... you know what I can do to you better!" He barked like maniac.

She flinched at the strength and harshness of his voice. Threat was clear in his words. His eyes were blazing in fury, jaws tightly clenched and veins in his forehead stood out.

Did he really need to imply what he had done to her again? It was a painful memory for her, a very painful one.

He was looking exactly like the old Alexander, who would forget every right or wrong in anger and only could inflict pain.

A cold shiver ran down her spine in fear, the Alexander's old self which was dormant inside him awoke again. The horrible pain he inflicted upon her, again flashed before her eyes.

"Did you hear me? Answer it!" He snarled again, shaking her shoulder vigorously.

Suddenly, Sapphire felt tightening in her chest, difficulty in breathing. She didn't want to take this conversation to another height. She just wanted to leave from him then.

"If you can't believe me then leave me. I know I am loyal to you and that's enough." She said with cracking voice and turned to leave the room letting her tears fall.

"Angel, stop." He said but Sapphire didn't stop.

"I said stop dammit!" He screamed but Sapphire still left.

I must not say this to her. I know she is loyal to me; nobody can be more loyal than her. But my paranoia, anger, jealousy got the best of me. I feel paranoid over the person I love most. Alexander thought.

He went to the wall and punched hard in anger.

Then again did the same.

"Would she ever forgive me for today?" Alexander asked himself and decided to leave her alone for some time.

He left his mansion and returned home at late night. He checked on Sapphire, but she was fast asleep which was unusual of her. Being disappointed, he went to his room. He got up early in the morning, went to the gym and thought of talking to Sapphire at breakfast table and sort everything out.

Coming breakfast table, he sat and asked the maid where Sapphire was. They told that she went to university already without having any breakfast. Alexander was pissed.

What made him more pissed was when he knew that she skipped the yesterday's dinner too.

Sapphire didn't want to meet Alexander for sometimes, so she decided to go to her apartment. She entered her apartment and went to her bed room.

She gasped loudly in surprise when she saw Alexander sitting on her bed.

"What are you doing here? Get out! It's my room." She spoke coldly dropping her bag on the table.

Alexander didn't say anything.

"What are you doing at my house who you think wants to go away with another person?" Sapphire sarcastically said. She saw Alexander winced visibly. He lowered his head.

A guilt was evident all over his face. He took a deep breath then got out of the bed and knelt in front of her.

"I am sorry, angel. I believe you and always did and will do. But for some days, I feel paranoid. The thought is constantly coming in my head that you will hate me again remembering the horrific deed I did to you and eventually this will make you leave me one day. Every time you go away from my eyes, my heart becomes mess. I feel insecure sometimes that you will remember the past again and find others better than me. I can't focus on anything; fear of losing you grips me over. What can I do? I love you; angel and I can't let you go. I need you angel, I need you. I can't imagine my life without you. I promise I will never do like this again. Can I get your forgiveness for the one last time?" He said in a shaky, defeated voice, kneeling down in front of her. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

Hearing his confession, Sapphire was shocked to core. She never saw him this broken. He sounded so lost, defeated. His teary eyes surprised her; for the first time she saw this man this vulnerable and weak.

Now she understood him. He was getting scared, paranoid of losing her. But he was an arrogant man who would choose dying rather than expressing his emotions, opening up before anybody.

The best way to show his emotions was his anger. Not just today, when she wanted to stay in her apartment he got angry too, and thought she would leave him. In fear and paranoia, he always acted rash with her and regretted later.

What wrong he did to her in the past, its guilt was still eating him alive. One mistake, but its aftermath was so grave, so complex, and so egregious that it was even creating complexity in their relation. It produced insecurity of losing her inside his mind. He could understand now.

Sapphire didn't say anything. She was still angry and hurt. But at that moment her heart cried for this man who surrendered himself before her like a wounded, defeated shoulder. She suddenly felt like this man was an open book to her, who revealed his all fears, vulnerability before her.

She felt her own eyes moistened too. Slowly the accumulated anger for him inside her melted away.

"What you did to me in the past is not forgettable, Alexander. But I did forgive you. Isn't it enough? I love you, isn't it enough? Please brush away all your fear, insecurity, disbelief and paranoia. I love you. Let me be happy for the first time in my life." She said, tears fell from her eyes.

"Please just trust each other and love each other. Life is so short. Don't cut our moments with your fear and anger. I love you and want to live with you. My body and mind just want you, you alone. I will never leave you." She continued.

She leaned toward him, cupping his face, she kissed him pouring all her love, passion to make him understand that she just loved him and he had no reason to get paranoid.

Alexander also kissed her more passionately, with his urgency, fervency. When they both were panting hard they let each other go.

Sapphire sat down on the floor breathing hard, even a kiss with this person was exhausting. Her face was flushed red.

She got fresh and came out of the bathroom. She found him cooking something in the kitchen.

"Are you making us lunch?" She excitedly asked Alexander who was boiling noodles. Alexander smiled at her sexily. Her heart skipped a bit watching his smile.

He struggled measuring spices while cooking.

"Do you need my help?" She offered but he didn't let her. He called her when foods were ready.

Her eyes twinkled, seeing all the foods. Alexander smiled.

Sapphire's mood had been lifted up seeing delicious looking dishes. Alexander served her the steak.

Sapphire cut the steak with knife and entered inside her mouth. Then she gave him a thumb up. Alexander was sitting without eating, watching her. He smiled in contentment.

Then she ate the chowmein and a buffalo wings. "These are all tasty." She smiled at him still eating.

Smiling Alexander, filled his own place with food. Cutting the steak, he opened his mouth.

But instantly grimaced his face. The steak was bland and very dry, seasoning was terrible.

"It's really bland. The worst steak I have ever had." He said and tried the chowmein instead.

He instantly spit the chowmein as soon as he took a forkful.

"Yac. It's bitter with salt."He muttered.

His eyes widened seeing Sapphire eating like there was nothing wrong with the food, rather she seemed like enjoying it.

"Angel, why are still you eating this crap? This is terrible. Just leave it. I am really sorry for this. I never cooked in my entire life before, I am buying you something. Actually I tried to get your forgiveness." Alexander said. He felt bad as he couldn't make her anything good.

But Sapphire was calmly eating like nothing was wrong.

"You can't feel the love mixed in this food but I can. You made this, and I know you tried to do your best to make these items, to make me happy. No one made me food except my father like this. After my father has been passed away, you are the first person who tried to cook only for me in these 5 years. So, this food is special to me. Not every time taste matters, emotions mixed with foods also matter. Every food made out of love tastes good." She said smiling still eating.

He wondered how someone could be this kind, this compassionate and loving. And how in the world God gave a diamond like her to a killer like him. She was just an angel, whatever he called her, fitted her right.

He just sat there staring at her in admiration. She didn't even grimace her face once while eating those tasteless foods.

Sapphire noticed Alexander was sitting without eating. He couldn't eat any of those.

"Alexander, this is not crap, this is called food which we human eat. A bland steak is still edible; this chowmein can be eaten by adding tomato sauce. We should not waste food, many people in the world cry for a single morsel every day. If you don't like these two, eat this."

Sapphire pushed the buffalo wings' bowl in front of him.

Alexander could not understand what to say, he never ate such type of food. In his entire life, he did all kind of works except cooking. He bit a wing and the wings tasted pretty good. The seasoning, marinating and baking was done well.

Alexander stopped eating buffalo wings and looked at her again. Suddenly, he felt sad for her. She was still eating the bitter foods respecting his sincerity, appreciating his efforts, when he was always hard on her, he couldn't believe her. She was so kind, understanding and caring. When he was a trash. He felt like a real asshole.

"Do you want to eat something else? You couldn't eat anything. How about I make you some carbonara? It will be ready within 15 minutes." Sapphire offered and Alexander just nodded.

She cooked carbonara and placed it before him, garnishing with basil leaves and shredded mozzarella cheese.

Alexander dug in the tasty food and finished it within a minute. They went to her room. Sapphire sat on her couch and Alexander sat on her bed.

"So aren't you returning your mansion?" Sapphire asked him casually.

"Yes, with you." Alexander replied.

"I will be staying here for some days. You should go." She replied.

"Then I am also staying here. What's the use of going there when I know that you won't be there? Besides I can't sleep without you in my arms." Alexander said making himself comfortable in bed.

"Be serious, just go. My bed is not big enough for two people and you have size of a giant." Sapphire said.

"You know better, about what size you are talking about honey. Because as long as I see I look like a human. If you meant I am giant in another way, then also I won't disagree, after all you know." Alexander said winking at her mischievously.

Sapphire's cheek blazed red when she understood his double meaning.

"Y-you a-are s-shameless." She stammered looking down. Alexander loudly laughed at her. Sapphire's eyes went wide when she saw him undressing himself piece by piece revealing his lickable delicious abs.

"What are you doing?" She yelled.

"It's okay love, it's not like you haven't seen it. It's all yours after all." Alexander smirked at her. He enjoyed teasing her, she was so innocent, always fell for his tricks.

"Hello, buy some pairs of comfy t-shirts and pants and bring some of my tailored suits along with them within 30 minutes in the Huitton Apartment." He ordered someone over phone.

His clothes were delivered by ten minutes.

Sapphire wondered if his employees worked in jet speed. Sapphire and Alexander watched TV in the afternoon.

In the evening, Sapphire went to kitchen to cook something for dinner. She was cooking Indonesian stir fried rice, nasi goreng. She sprinkled oil and put onion over the hot pan. She was about to stir the onions with spatula.

Suddenly she jumped when she felt a kiss on the back of her neck. A hand sliding down her shirt, caressing her belly, moving toward her breasts.

"Alexander!" She yelled.

"Mmm." Alexander didn't release her rather pulled her closer to him and continued sucking, nibbling her neck.

Sapphire's hands were shaking; she squirmed but couldn't stop him. She felt her body was being weak.

"Alexander bit her ear lobe lightly taking it between his teeth and licked it. An involuntary moan got out of her as he attacked her weak spot.

"Alexander, leave me. I am cooking." She mumbled inaudibly.

She felt like her body was getting on fire suddenly, knees were getting shaky. Alexander's hand slid inside her shirt and slowly it gave her breast a gentle squeeze. She moaned again gripping his hand feeling heated up straight to her centre in sudden pleasure. She clenched her legs together. The wooden spatula from her hand fell on the floor.

"So, what were you saying, angel?" Alexander said sucking her neck. A smirk was visible in his lips.

"Mmm. I don't know." Sapphire breathed closing her eyes, her face was red. Alexander smirked seeing his effect on her body, how instantly her body would respond to his touches.

Suddenly her sense of time returned as a sharp burning smell hit her nose. She immediately pushed Alexander and checked on her cooking pan. The onions were entirely burnt.

"It's all your fault. They are all burnt now. Now you cook the dinner." She whined stomping her feet. She looked cute when she pouted.

Alexander turned the burner off and abruptly picked her up in a bridal style. A loud squeak escaped her mouth.

He took her in bedroom and put her on the bed gently.

Before she could look at him, he got over her body kissing her aggressively, nibbling her lips, demanding access to enter her mouth. Sapphire opened her mouth, his tongue dominated over her, ravishing her mouth. He released her when she was breathless.

His one hand was caresssing her inner thigh and other one was stroking her belly and that's when the doorbell rang.

"Damn doorbell!" Alexander cursed under breath.

"I have ordered food. It must be the delivery." He went to receive the food.

"Angel, come and eat." Alexander called her.

They both ate together sitting on the bed. Alexander ordered Italian food for them.

After eating, Sapphire took a pillow and comforter and went to couch.

"What are you doing?" Alexander asked him raising his brow.

"Sleeping." She answered.

"You are sleeping here, we are sleeping here." Alexander said pointing the bed.

"Nah. You are big, you will need the bed. I will sleep here." Sapphire said lying on the couch.

"Like hell I will let you sleep there. You will sleep here, with me. We will perfectly accommodate here." Alexander got up and picked her up to the bed.

Alexander lay there, nuzzling on her neck, hugging her very tightly with him. They both fell asleep in each other's arms.