Chapter 51 Let It Burn

Chapter 51 Let It Burn
The bonfire is already roaring by the time I arrive.
Flames lick at the night sky, sending sparks rushing upward like angry fireflies. Music blasts from a bass speaker in the back of a truck, to the point I can feel it vibrating up through the soles of my sneakers.
The turnout is more than I anticipated, students are in groups around the fire, and I guess, low-key, everyone has something they want to let go of.

Keisha comes around. "Hey, thanks for showing up."
I smile at her. "Just know you owe me."
She giggles, then tugs me toward the fire. "Come on. Let's find a spot."
We weave through the crowd till we find a comfortable spot close enough to feel the heat on our skin. She pulls an envelope from her jacket pocket and exhales.
"Letters," she says when she catches me looking. "From my ex. Kept them like an idiot."

Keisha waves them in the air.
"I know it looks weird and old-school, but he used to write me letters because I loved them and he had this really good handwriting."
"I don't find it weird," I say softly. "What's in them?"
"Lies, mostly." She shrugs, but her smile is sad. "Told myself I was keeping them because they were romantic. Really, I was just scared to let go of the idea of him."
She looks at the envelope. "Tonight, I stop being scared."

I watch as she steps forward and tosses the envelope into the flames. The paper catches instantly, turning black at the edges before dissolving into ash.
Keisha stares at the fire for a long moment. Then she turns back to me, and her smile is real this time.
"Your turn."
My hand goes to my tote bag. I can feel the scarf, but a part of me starts to feel bad.
My mother's hands touched this fabric.
My mother's neck wore this colour.
"I don't know if I can," I whisper.
"That's why you have to," Keisha responds softly. "If not, you're never gonna be free."

Letting out a deep breath, I take out the scarf.
She might've held and worn it, but she also left.
So, I'm keeping this for what, exactly? For who?
I step toward the fire.
The heat is intense this close, licking at my face and drying my eyes. I hold the scarf out over the flames, and for one second… one childish, inevitably hopeful second… I imagine her walking out of the crowd, seeing me here, and finally choosing me.

But even I know there's a fine line between fantasy and reality.
I let go of the scarf, watching the flames eat through the fabric like it's nothing… like it's not years of waiting, years of hoping, years of being the girl whose mother didn't want her.
Keisha puts her arms around me and rests her head against mine.
"We did it," she says gently. "Now we move on. For good."

We stand there together, watching the fire, until someone turns up the music and the crowd shifts from quiet reflection to something louder.
"Oh hell yeah, that's enough sadness for today!" Keisha chuckles evilly, pulling me towards one of the coolers. "Let's go get drinks."
We reach one of them, and she flips it open dramatically. "Tonight we celebrate emotional breakthroughs," she declares. "And by celebrate, I mean we drink cheap alcohol."
Keisha hands me a plastic cup filled with something pink and suspicious. "Don't ask what's in it, cause I don't know either. Just trust the process."
Glancing down at my cup, I make a face. "That sentence alone makes me nervous," I say, sniffing it cautiously before taking a sip.
It's way too sweet.

"Oh my God," I cough. "What the fuck is this?"
"Don't know, don't care. Drink up," she takes a long swig, and I follow suit, nearly retching.
I glance back at the flames, already low-key missing the scarf which would've already been ash by now.
Across the fire, Zayn is leaning against Jay's truck, a bottle in his hand.

When our gazes clash, he tips his head slightly in my direction.
I smile back.
Jay says something to him that makes him laugh, and for a moment, I just watch him, remembering the words I read in that journal earlier.
My chest tightens, but not in the same painful way as before.
It's more like a quiet promise to myself that I won't let things get that broken again.

"Enough staring at your brooding brother," Keisha says suddenly, grabbing my wrist. "We should go find some boys."
"Um, thanks, but I'll pass," I mutter, taking another sip of the overly sweet drink.
"Why?" she asks, eyeing me suspiciously. "Are you on some celibacy quest or something?"
"Celibacy?" I burst out laughing, sneaking another subtle glance at Zayn.

I could never be celibate around Zayn. He's horny most of the time… and honestly, so am I.
"No, Keisha, I'm not celibate, okay? I'm just taking a break from boys for now," I say.
What I really mean is: I'm taking a break from boys that aren't Zayn.
"Why would anyone want to take a break from boys?" Keisha asks, baffled.
I shoot her a look. "Seriously?"
She shrugs. "This is the time in your life when you're supposed to hoe around. Explore the options. Dark-skinned, light-skinned, tall, short… all shapes and sizes. I'm here for the full experience."

Then she leans closer and lowers her voice. "I heard Vinny's packing, by the way."
"Oh my God, Keisha," I groan, already moving away. "I do not need that information."
She laughs and follows me. "Why are you so uncomfortable?"
"Because I'm not interested in discussing the size of my brother's best friend's dick," I reply dryly.
"Why not? It's not the worst topic in the world."
I give her a flat look.

"Don't be such a grandma."
"I'm not."
"You absolutely are."
I roll my eyes. "Just because he's my brother's best friend doesn't mean I should jump him the second the opportunity presents itself. We're not animals."
Keisha scoffs. "Please. You're not kids anymore. It's just sex."
I shake my head firmly. "That's betrayal on another level."
"Betrayal?" She stares at me in stupefaction. "Because you found a perfectly normal human being hot enough to sleep with?"

"That's not the point."
"Then what is the point?"
"The point," I say slowly, "is that Vinny is like an extension of my brother."
Keisha grimaces. "Still doesn't mean you shouldn't shag him if the stars align."
"Keisha." I scold.
"What?"
"Drop it."
She studies my face for a second, then sighs dramatically and throws her hands up in surrender. "Fine. Fine. Message received."
"Thank you."

"But for the record," she adds, "I still think you're overthinking it."
"I would never sleep with Vinny," I say flatly. "I'm not even remotely attracted to him." I gesture toward the crowd. "You're welcome to go test the theory yourself."
Her face brightens. "Oh, I fully intend to," she says with a wicked grin. "Someone has to confirm whether that rumour is accurate."
I huff out a laugh. "You're something else."
She smirks and adjusts her bra, pushing everything into place.

"You can stay here and do nothing," she says, tossing her hair over her shoulder, "but I'm going over to have fun with Vinny. So… bye."
I scoff, folding my arms and asking in fake anger, "You're really going to abandon me?" 
"Temporarily," she corrects, giving me a quick wink before turning and sashaying toward the crowd, already scanning for her target.
I watch her disappear between people, shaking my head.

The space beside me suddenly feels quiet without her constant commentary, and soon I realise the silence isn't so bad.