Chapter 155 Still Standing pt 1
Seren
I took an extra minute while I was changing. Duncan and Gideon were in the living room, waiting for me to join them for breakfast, but I needed the time to collect myself.
If I was being totally honest, Duncan’s vision terrified me. I still sometimes felt like I was an imposter, pulled into this world of powerful people, and not at all the right person to be one of its leaders. The outcome he foresaw only brought all of those feelings forward in full color.
Now, knowing that I needed to be an active part of this battle, that I had to fight right beside the two most important men in my life to keep all of us safe, everything inside me trembled. I pressed my hands to the dresser to steady them.
This wasn’t a fear of blood or pain. I had seen blood, spilled it. And pain was an old friend, a sign that I was still alive, still surviving.
It wasn’t even the fear of death, though I wasn’t as comfortable with the idea of dying as I used to be. I had things to live for now, things I’d never had before.
No, it was the understanding that if something went wrong…it would be because I hadn’t been enough. The very thought settled into my chest like a stone.
For so many years, everything that went wrong had been my fault. If the food burned, it was Seren. If Amelia was in a mood, it was Seren. If Tobias couldn’t find somewhere to vent his anger, it was Seren. And now?
If the battle failed…if Gideon was hurt…if Duncan—if I watched him fall because I wasn’t fast enough, powerful enough.
I swallowed hard. No. I couldn’t finish that thought.
My stomach twisted sharply, and I sucked in a breath. I hadn’t eaten yet; that had to be it. Stress always tied my insides in knots.
Heat flushed through me, sudden and overwhelming, and tears pricked unexpectedly at the corners of my eyes. I blinked them back in irritation. This was ridiculous.
I had stood in front of Alpha James without flinching, survived brutal beatings at Tobias’s hands. I’d faced down a hybrid once already and came out on top. With a little help, but still. Why was Duncan’s vision sending me spiraling?
‘Because this time it isn’t just you,’ Kara murmured gently in the back of my mind. She brushed herself against me, sending waves of comfort.
I closed my eyes. ‘No. This time it is everything.’ The family I’ve found. The bonds I’ve built. His vision destroyed all of them, tossing me back into a situation I couldn’t control, a situation where someone cruel had control over me instead, and over Gideon in the end. And having no time to prepare for it, having it hit Duncan out of the blue—once again I’m trapped at someone else’s mercy, even if it is coming direct from the Goddess.
For a few short months, I had been allowed to be something other than a weapon. I had been a sister. A Luna. A mate. I had learned how to laugh without looking over my shoulder. However stressful the trafficking situation was, Dad acted as though he had it handled. Duncan and Gideon had been confident about the plan for the tournament. I had started to believe that maybe the worst of it was behind me.
And now the Goddess was calling. I let out a soft, humorless huff.
“Of course,” I whispered to my reflection. “Why wouldn’t it be me?”
I studied myself in the mirror. The girl staring back at me looked strong. The marks of my powers on my forearm, surrounded by the marks of my bond, swirling higher and higher to the crown on my collarbone, radiated authority. I took in the scar above my eyebrow from a particularly bad beating before Kara came to me. It showed resilience. She didn't look like the servant who scrubbed blood from stone floors. She looked like a Luna.
But I still felt like that girl who moved through the shadows sometimes. Still felt like if I stepped wrong, the world would see that I wasn’t cut out for this, that I was better suited for cleaning up messes than leading us through them.
Images flashed through my mind. Cold stone beneath my cheek. The metallic scent of blood. Visceral memories on a feedback loop.
“You worthless omega.” The words weren’t Duncan’s voice. They weren’t Gideon’s.
“And what makes you think you’re even good enough to clean her toilet, mutt? Haven’t we taught you anything yet?”
They were Tobias’s. Alpha James’s. My old pack’s. Voices overlapped in my head.
“Mutt.”
“Worthless.”
“I’ll make you scream.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, as if cutting off my reflection would make the voices stop. That wasn’t my life anymore. But the echoes didn’t always care.
I straightened slowly. On a deep, ragged breath, I met my eyes in the mirror. I’d broken the hold those voices had over me once. I would do it again. If this battle failed, it wouldn’t be because I hid. It wouldn’t be because I let fear decide for me.
I had spent eighteen years surviving other people’s cruelty. I refused to let my past dictate my courage now. Yes, I was afraid. Yes, the weight of it pressed against my ribs until it was hard to breathe. But fear did not mean I was unworthy.
It meant the stakes were real. That I would have to fight harder.
‘That’s it, sweet girl. You survived your past. It didn’t break you. This won’t break you, either.’
‘This isn’t fair, Kara. I didn’t ask for this.’
‘It never is, sweet girl. Who understands that better than you? Who understands better the need to stand for the battered, the broken?’
'What if I'm the weak link?'
'You were chained and starved and beaten and still walked out alive,' Kara replied. 'You are not the weak link. You are the proof.'