Chapter 42

Ivan had taken her virginity on straws of a village barn. 

It had happened in a half-light streaked with rays of light, which pierced through the missing tiles. 

Grains of dust could be seen dancing in the air. Eden couldn't remember the details of his face, as Ivan hastily undressed her, unzipped his own breeches and laid her on his cloak, which he had laid on a pile of straw bales. 

He had kissed her greedily, pressed her nipples with his eager hands, spread her legs and taken her without care or regard, hastily.

Eden hadn't seen the details of his body then, but now, in the trembling glow of the candles, Eden could detail her alpha's erect body. 

God, he was handsome, muscular and powerful... What exercises had fused those muscles, that flat belly, that slim waist, those hands made for grasping? And those long legs?

Ian knelt on the bed and caressed her body, like a sculptor turning clay under his fingers, then gently spread her legs and Eden closed her eyes, ashamed of the heat and wetness that betrayed her desire.

“Look at me, Eden.”

Eden felt Jungkook's weight on her and, instinctively, her hips tensed to welcome him, his hands went up to her shoulders and she opened her eyes. 

She felt a little more relaxed now. Did Ian notice? Only the ridges of his cheekbones and jaw could be seen on his face, which was partially in shadow. 

The flames of the candles made his eyes glow. Suddenly, Eden saw Ivan’s mask superimposed on this face, and she closed her eyes to banish the image. 

Eden wasn't going to let a specter ruin this moment for her. Not now, he wasn't there.

“Relax... we've got plenty of time.” Ian said, releasing his pheromones to relax the omega.

Eden felt him reach the burning, moist folds of her intimacy. 

"This is it. I mustn't cry, even if it hurts. I must caress him, find out what he likes, stop being so passive..."

“Eden!”

The tone of his voice was so imperative that Eden opened her eyes wide.

“Why are you crying? What's the matter, Eden?”

“No, I'm not…”

Ian rolled onto his side and Eden put her hand on her wet cheeks.

“Oh... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I was trying so hard to…” Eden tried to answer in panic 

“-Damn it!”

Ian sat up on the bed and realized he'd frightened his omega.

“I'm sorry, Eden. I didn't mean to get angry, but… Eden, I thought... that you were responding to my desire and that you liked what I was doing to you…”

Eden felt her cheeks flush.

“Yes, I did. I... I was responding. I wanted to... it's just that…” How could she explain her cowardice?

Eden couldn't let apprehension and pain keep her from satisfying her husband.

All omegas went through this. Perhaps they managed to get carried away by the sensations leading up to the act, so they could cope with the "after". If only that's all it had been: the caresses, the heat, the desire…

But Ian would probably end up acting like his brother, ignoring her tears and taking her unceremoniously.

“Eden?”

Ian moved his hand forward to gently touch her face, his big hand with such soft fingers.

“Explain... please angel”

It was difficult, and his tender gesture only complicated matters. Eden didn't deserve to have Ian touch her so gently, when she was rejecting him.

“ I can't..... I can't explain…”

All gentleness vanished instantly from his gaze, Ian’s alpha taking control. He was determined to find out what was bothering their omega.

“You have to try, Eden…”

“But I'm trying, I'm trying with all my might," she objected. “You don't understand... Let me…”

“Above all, I understand that you're not ready to be my omega, despite everything you say," replied Ian dryly, standing up and grabbing his robe.

“When you're ready, then perhaps we really will be married. Until then, lady Hadleigh, I won't bother you any further.”

Ian went into his dressing room and closed the door behind him, obviously making an effort not to slam it.

Eden knew he was angry. And with good reason: she hadn't had the courage to tell him what had happened with his brother. 

And she wasn't even capable of fulfilling her marital duty.

"I won't be able to stand it," Eden mused.

She sat down on the bed and looked at the closed door.

"Sooner or later we'll have to talk to him.” Her omega kept telling her, sad at not having been able to satisfy their alpha. “He knows now that I'm incapable of behaving normally in bed."