Chapter 69 The Silent Return
POV: Luna
I haven't spoken since that final scream.
Can't speak.
My throat feels raw and broken, but that's not why I'm silent.
The words just won't come.
What is there to say?
Miguel is dead.
Everything else is meaningless.
Ryder carries me from the Moon Circle back toward the main building. I'm vaguely aware of Nova walking beside us, her hand on my arm. Other students have gathered, staring, whispering.
I don't care.
Let them stare.
Let them whisper.
None of it matters anymore.
My legs won't hold me. Every time Ryder tries to set me down, I stumble. So he just keeps carrying me, his arms steady and strong.
I should feel embarrassed. Vulnerable.
But I feel nothing except the crushing weight of grief.
We reach the entrance to the main building. The wards shimmer faintly in the moonlight.
No alarms sound as we pass through.
Someone turned them off. Let us move freely.
Probably the Headmaster, giving me privacy in my grief.
Professor Cael is waiting just inside the doors.
He takes one look at my face and his expression crumbles.
"I'm so sorry, child," he says softly.
Those words break something in me.
The numbness cracks, and fresh sobs tear their way out.
Ryder sets me down carefully, and I stumble toward Professor Cael.
He catches me, pulling me into a gentle embrace.
And I break.
Completely.
I sob into his shoulder, my whole body shaking with the force of it.
He doesn't say anything else. Doesn't try to comfort me with empty words.
He just holds me while I fall apart.
"We need to get her to her room," Nova says quietly. "Before more people see."
"Agreed," Professor Cael says. "Can you walk, Luna?"
I try. Take one step. Then another.
My legs shake, but I manage to stay upright.
Nova takes one arm. Ryder takes the other.
Together, they guide me through the corridors.
Students who see us quickly look away. Some with pity. Some with curiosity. One or two with something that looks like satisfaction.
Darius.
He's standing in a side hallway, watching us pass.
That same calculating look on his face.
I meet his eyes for just a moment, and I see it.
He knows.
Somehow, he knows what happened.
And he's pleased about it.
The rage that flares in me is brief but intense. Hot enough to burn through the grief for just a second.
But then it fades, and I'm hollow again.
We reach my dorm. Nova opens the door and helps me inside.
I sink onto my bed, staring at nothing.
"I'm not leaving you alone tonight," Nova announces.
"Neither am I," Ryder says from the doorway.
"You can't stay here," Nova points out. "This is the girls' dorm."
"I don't care. I'm not leaving her."
Professor Cael appears behind him. "I'll handle it. Tonight, rules don't matter."
He says something to someone in the hallway, and a moment later, two chairs appear in the room. Conjured from somewhere else in the Academy.
Ryder takes one. Nova sits on her own bed, but she's positioned it so she can see me clearly.
They form a protective circle around me.
Guarding me.
From what, I don't know.
The threats are inside me now. In my head. In my heart.
No amount of protection can stop grief.
"Do you need anything?" Nova asks gently. "Water? Food?"
I shake my head.
"You should try to sleep," Ryder suggests.
I close my eyes, but I know sleep won't come.
Because sleep means dreams.
And dreams mean the possibility of seeing Miguel again.
Except I won't.
The dream-link is broken. Shattered completely when he died.
There will be no more visions of him. No more hearing his voice. No more feeling his presence.
He's just... gone.
I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
Making myself as small as possible.
Like if I compress enough, the pain will have less space to exist.
It doesn't work.
The pain is everywhere. In every breath. Every heartbeat. Every thought.
Hours pass.
Maybe.
Time feels strange.
Nova eventually falls asleep in her bed, exhausted from crying with me.
But Ryder stays awake. I can feel his eyes on me. Watchful. Protective.
"You should sleep too," I finally whisper.
My first words since Miguel died.
My voice sounds broken. Foreign.
"I'm fine," Ryder says.
"No, you're not. None of us are fine."
He's quiet for a moment. Then he says, "No. We're not."
More silence.
Then, so quietly I almost don't hear it, "It's my fault."
Ryder leans forward. "What?"
"It's my fault," I say again, louder this time. "All of it."
"Luna, no—"
"Yes." I look at him, and I know my eyes are red and swollen from crying. "Miguel is dead because of me. Because of what I am. Because I brought danger into his life and couldn't protect him from it."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it? The rogues were hunting him to get to me. Using him as bait. He died scared and alone because I was too far away. Too weak. Too useless."
"You're not useless."
"Then why couldn't I save him?" My voice rises. "I have all this power. I channeled the moon itself tonight. I'm supposed to be special. Eclipse. Extraordinary. But I couldn't save the one person who actually mattered to me."
Ryder moves from the chair to sit beside me on the bed.
"Luna, listen to me. What happened to Miguel is not your fault. You didn't kill him. The rogues did. Whoever's controlling them did."
"But they only went after him because of me."
"Maybe. But that doesn't make you responsible for their choices. For their actions."
I want to believe him.
But I can't.
Because Miguel is still dead.
And I'm still here.
And that feels wrong on every possible level.
"I loved him," I whisper. "Not the way I'm supposed to love Ryder or anyone else at the Academy. Just... simply. Honestly. He was my first love. My first everything. And now he's gone."
"I know."
"Do you? Have you ever lost someone you loved?"
Ryder is quiet for a long time. Then he says, "Yes."
Something in his voice makes me look at him.
"Who?"
"Someone I couldn't save either. Someone who died because I wasn't strong enough. Wasn't fast enough. Wasn't there when they needed me most."
He meets my eyes, and I see pain there. Old pain that never fully healed.
"How do you live with it?" I ask.
"You just do. Day by day. Breath by breath. And eventually, the pain becomes something you can carry instead of something that crushes you."
"I don't want to carry this."
"I know. But you will. Because you're stronger than you think. And because Miguel wouldn't want you to give up."
The mention of his name breaks me again.
Fresh tears stream down my face.
Ryder pulls me against his chest, and I cry into his shoulder.
Just like I did with Professor Cael.
Just like I'll probably do a hundred more times before this grief becomes manageable.
Nova stirs in her sleep, mumbling something I can't make out.
The moon has finally set. Dawn is approaching.
A new day.
The first day of my life without Miguel in it.
And all I can think is that it's my fault.
All of it.