Chapter 11 — Any thoughts

Lana:

…Freedom comes at a price. I observe through my eyes helplessly as I repeat those words to Lucifer. I know that this is no nightmare, though. No, I can still feel everything, but I’m not longer in the driver’s seat of my body. Fractured emotions rush through my mind as I try to seduce Michael and threaten Lucifer. I want to scream for help, but I can’t. As I lie in wait, trapped in my own body, I begin to understand what I am. Flashes of what I thought were visions turn out to be memories. Fear overwhelms me when Lucifer asks the other me about the fires, and my vision begins to darken. A ball of ice spreads across my body, coating me with power as I see images of bloody oceans and every light in the sky dim until I’m in complete darkness. It’s only when I feel a familiar hand on my head that I’m given respite from my horror, and everything goes silent. As my body slumps forward, I take one last look at the two men and let oblivion take me.

Heart pounding wildly in my chest, I sit up on the bed and take a couple of deep breaths. My hair whips around me, and my eyes blur with tears. Blinking my eyes, I look around with confusion because I’m not in my tiny house. Looking back, I notice Lucifer’s slumbering form behind me. He’s lying on his chest, a sheet barely covering his muscular body. Seeing his naked back and the dimples above his firm ass make my mouth water. Sliding my knees up, I rest my elbows on my knees and rub my eyes. Past memories assail me like a dam bursting inside of my mind. In most of the sequences, I’m with Michael.

I’m so caught up on the memories that I don’t notice Lucifer awaken until he’s leaning over me. “Is alright, luv.” He murmurs as he wipes my tears.

“I know what I did. I remember it all. I…I remember living in heaven.” I mumble mournfully. “I’m a monster. I remember I killed them. I killed angels; I tried to hurt you and Michael, and I made all of those bad things happen!”

Shifting forward, I wrap my arms around his neck and fall apart. Lucifer holds me tightly while he hums comfortingly. “You’re not a monster, and none of this is your fault.”

I sniffle and shake my head against his solid chest. “But it is. I can feel her screaming inside of me. I’m so scared, Lucifer.”

“Your angel, Apolliana, is in a great deal of pain, but it’s not her—your fault. You don’t need to be scared,” he mumbles. “I will care for you.”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to stifle my tears as I place his palm in the center of my chest. “Is that her name? Apolliana?”

He nods. “That is your name too.”

I swallow hard, “She’s so angry. I can feel her clawing to get out of me.”

Lucifer’s hand rubs my chest as he moves his face close to mine and kisses my lids and lips gently. “Listen to me…listen...” he murmurs, “You are not to blame for any of this. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t fallen, you wouldn’t have gone mad, and we would be happily mated.”

I glance up at him as my tears continue to fall. “Apolliana hates you for leaving her and Michael for betraying her. She wants to hurt all of you and make everyone pay for what she has suffered.”

He kisses the top of my head and inhales deeply. “I know, luv. You don’t know how heavily my guilt weighs upon me over the events that my selfishness has put in motion. But I will find a way to make things right.”

“Do you even want me?” I ask apprehensively. “I know that it wasn’t your choice to have a mate, and you pretty much avoided me until recently. I mean, you barely know me…”

He places his thumb against my bottom lip and lifts my chin up until I’m facing him. “You have an odd obsession with chocolate-covered bacon but hate twinkies. Your favorite color is blue, and you love all animals, especially dogs. You have a green thumb and have filled your apartment with plants and a small herbal garden. Though you’re friendly, you’re wary of people, which I attribute to that wanker father of yours leaving. You love adventure and are not scared of heights, snakes or insects. Your favorite book is Anne of Green Gables, and you love watching musicals.”

I open my lips and close them several times, shocked at the fact that he knows so much about me. “H-how did you know all of that?”

He entwines our fingers and smirks. “At the risk of sounding like a pathetic sod, I’ve been watching you for a while.”

Biting my lip, I wipe my tears and wryly ask, “What? How long have you been watching me?”

To my surprise, a blush creeps up his face, “It’s not like I’ve done it every day. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you after we met in hell and checked up on you once in a while…” he shrugs.

“You’ve been stalking me since we met in hell?”

“I have not been stalking you. I’ve just come around several times to see how you were without you seeing me,” he mumbles.

I gasp incredulously, my mood instantly lightening at his discomfort.

“Why?” I ask.

He looks away bashfully, “Because I wanted to know why you made me feel so odd,” his eyes slowly meet mine, “You have to understand that it’s quite disconcerting for someone like me to have…feelings.”

Resting my forehead on his chin, I caress his jaw and smile. “Do you have feelings for me, Lucifer?”

His breathing heightens, and his breath whooshes out of his lush lips when I slide my hand down his neck and caress his strong chest. His lids grow heavy with desire as he observes my touch. “I’ve had feelings for you since the moment that I laid eyes on you. The way you stood up to me made every part of me pay attention to you. I had never had a woman glare at me or kiss me the way you did. I wanted to take you to my bed and ravish you until I could get you out of my mind.”

I smile, “It was my first kiss. I didn’t even know what I was doing.”

He chuckles, “That is what made it so intriguing. You were fearless and kissed me like nothing else mattered. I was charmed and painfully aroused.”

I roll my eyes at his smug tone. “In my defense, I didn’t know you were the devil. I just thought you were a run-of-the-mill demon.”

He chuckles, “Oh, luv, you don’t know how much I would enjoy hearing you say that in front of Azazel. The arrogant git’s head would probably explode.”

I snicker. “I’m sure Azazel’s used to us treating him like a normal guy by now. Zoe makes sure she humbles him once in a while.”

Lucifer smiles wickedly. “Zoe is a smart woman. I guess that’s why Azazel, Fallon and I are so entranced by you and your friends. You don’t know how refreshing it is to be treated like normal men when most of the world fears our existence.”

Rising to my knees, I place my hands around his neck and rest my forehead against his. Lucifer gazes intently into my eyes. He looks younger than his many millennia, with his tousled hair and sleepy ebony eyes.

“What do you feel for me now?” I ask breathlessly. My heart beats relentlessly inside of my chest, and my body heats with arousal.

Lucifer slides his hand up my thighs and pulls me up to his body until I’m straddling his waist. “Now, I want you more than anything I’ve ever desired in my entire existence. You feel so ingrained inside of me that I can feel you in my blood. But I would be a git if I didn’t give you a choice,” he mutters against my lips. “I’m not human, Lana. There is a great deal of baggage that I come with.”

I’m enraptured as I consider the situation that we find ourselves in. Leaning close, I nip his bottom lip and carefully mutter, “Let’s not forget that I have some kind of psychotic angel inside of me who is meant to be your mate and harbors a great deal of resentment over the things you did after your fall.”

He quirks a brow. “Yes, of course, we can’t forget that bloody mess either.”

Leaning close, I slide my hands through his silky hair, “I don’t care about any of that, Lucifer. To me, we’ve barely just met, and you’re a man who makes me feel things that I’ve never felt before. I don’t care that you have a son or that you’ve been with women before you met me. But to her…” I sort through the sad images that the angel inside of me unwittingly shared. “…to her, you were supposed to be everything. She doesn’t understand your choices. She just knows that she suffered, and she can no longer see reason. When I share her fractured memories, I feel pain and a mixture of emotions that I can’t sort out. It’s like something broke inside of her, and the pieces are too small to connect correctly. No matter how much she tries, she can’t think clearly. Why is she this way?”

Lucifer solemnly nods, “According to Michael, her soul slowly began to die because I wasn’t there to fulfill the other half. Once her soul deteriorated, so did her mind,” he sounds riddled with guilt when he pulls me tightly into his embrace. “It was all my doing. All I can say is that I didn’t know about her existence and because I was a selfish prig, she had to endure a great deal of pain. But I will find a way to make it right. I won’t let you down again.”

I push the memories that threaten to ruin our moment to the back of my mind. However, I can feel her pacing around inside me, ready to pounce the moment that I weaken.

Seeing that I cannot continue picking on that wound, I slant my lips over his and kiss him hard. Lucifer moans as he happily lets me withdraw from the conversation and kisses me back just as hard. My lips ache as he sucks them into his mouth and nips the sensitive skin before he retreats and sensuously sucks my tongue into his mouth.

Our clothes disappear within moments, and I’m on my back with my legs wrapped around his narrow waist. Moving my hands across his broad back, I map out each sinew and muscle as I grind my hard nipples against his hard chest.

When I slide my hand down to his cock and stroke it, Lucifer gasps into my lips and breathlessly mutters. “I don’t think you should do that, luv. I’m very close to the edge.”

I smile against his lips and stroke him again, making him hiss between his teeth. “I want you inside of me,” I whisper. “Make love to me, Lucifer.”

He gazes into my eyes steadily for a moment. “Are you sure that’s what you want? There’s no rush, luv.”

I nod my head and grind my heated center against him. My folds are swollen and wet with desire, and my sheath quivers with the need to be filled. “Please, don’t make me beg.”

He doesn’t hesitate as he lifts my leg high above his waist and swirls his finger around my bud of pleasure until I’m writhing and pleading beneath him. Seeing my senseless state, Lucifer reaches down and slides his hard shaft inside of my tight sheath, making me moan and gasp until he’s fully seated inside of me. Bliss pulses throughout my body as he begins to deliciously stroke my walls with his hard cock. With every shift of his hips, a ball of pleasure grows inside of my core. My eyes roll back, and my toes curl as I grasp and shift against his rhythmic pounding. My mewls echo with his moans as we cling to each other and come closer to our release. For nearly an hour, we claw and seek until waves of rapturous ecstasy overwhelm each of us. I cry out below him when he stiffens inside of me and roars out his release.

Our bodies glisten from our exertions, and our breathing is ragged as we come down from our climax. Lucifer settles on his elbows above me and rests gentle kisses across my cheek, nose and jaw.

“Are you well, luv?” he raggedly asks.

I nod my head and wrap my arms around his back. “I’m perfect.”

His eyes smolder as he searches for any signs that I’m not being truthful. “You are perfect,” he mutters sincerely. “You’re everything.”

Smiling at his sweet words, I lay my head back on the pillow and whisper. “That was amazing.”

He slides beside me, rests his head next to mine and takes my hand. “It was beyond amazing because of you.”

I look at our hands and slide my fingers through his. It’s strange because I don’t see one of the world’s most powerful beings when I look at him. What I see is a man who can make my body sing.

I blink my eyes several times when they begin to get heavy.

“Lana,” Lucifer mutters.

I lift my heavy eyelids and hum, “Yeah?”

His eyes become hooded. “There’s a lot more we need to speak about. But we can do that in the morning. Go to sleep, luv.”

I give him a sleepy nod. “Wake me up early. I have to go back to my team tomorrow.”

He lowers his hand and massages my lower back soothingly. “I will. Now, go to sleep.”

As my eyes close, I can see that he’s keeping a careful eye on me. It feels nice. I just wish things were not so complicated.