Chapter 164 Andrew Walker

Chapter 164 Andrew Walker
The drive began in complete silence.

Not the comfortable kind. Not the kind where two people simply enjoyed each other's company without feeling the need to fill every second with conversation.

No.

This silence felt careful and fragile as if one wrong word would shatter whatever little peace existed between us.

I glanced sideways.

Lily sat beside me with both hands folded neatly on her lap.

She wasn't looking out the window. She wasn't even on her phone. She simply stared ahead, lost somewhere inside her own thoughts.

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel.

This wasn't the Lily I knew.

The Lily I knew couldn't survive five minutes without saying something. She asked random questions that somehow made perfect sense.

Silence had never suited her.

Yet here she was, completely quiet. Almost like she was being careful.

I hated it.

I cleared my throat.

"So..."

She turned slightly.

"Hm?"

"Aside from the popular drama, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing."

One word.

I nodded.

"How are you coping with the broadcast team?"

"I'm coping well.”

One sentence.

Progress… maybe.

I waited a few seconds before trying again.

"Are Kim and Pat still talking your ears off?"

"They always do."

"That's good."

"Mhmm,” she said and just like that, the conversation died again.

I sighed quietly to myself.

When did talking to Lily become this difficult?

I tried one last time.

"How's Lewis?"

The moment his name left my mouth, I regretted it.

She looked at me without answering.

I wouldn't have answered either.

"You know..."

Her gaze remained on me.

"We've become really bad at conversations."

"How?"

"I'm struggling to start a conversation and you don't even seem interested.”

She looked away.

"I'm answering."

Silence settled on us again. Then she spoke without looking at me.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

There it was.

The distance.

The invisible wall that had somehow grown between us.

I exhaled slowly.

"Lily."

“Yes?”

"What happened?”

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." I searched for the right words. "When did this happen?"

"What?"

"This." I gestured vaguely between us. "You used to talk to me freely.”

"I am talking."

"No." I shook my head. "You used to talk with me."

That made her turn.

For the first time since we left the house, she looked directly into my eyes. Her eyes held my gaze for a moment before she quietly asked,

"You really don't know why?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me."

She let out a small laugh.

"You changed first."

I frowned but didn't interrupt her.

"You started treating me like every decision I made was wrong."

I opened my mouth but she continued before I could interrupt.

"Everything became a lecture. The fake relationship was wrong. Holding hands? Wrong. The basketball game? Wrong. The hug? Wrong.”

She looked down at her hands. "You made me feel like I couldn't do anything right."

Her words landed harder than I expected.

I opened my mouth again but nothing came out.

She wasn't entirely wrong.

I had criticised nearly everything since this fake relationship began.

Not because I wanted to hurt her.

Because...

Because...

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel.

I knew exactly why.

I just couldn't say it.

The words sat right there, on the edge of my tongue.

Because I hate seeing you with Lewis. Because every time he holds your hand, something twists inside my chest. Because every smile you give him feels like something I've lost. Because I'm jealous.

The last word echoed loudly inside my head.

Jealous?

I swallowed hard.

No.

I couldn't think like that. I shouldn't think like that.

She was my student. She was living next door. She was pretending to date my younger brother.

Even if that relationship wasn't real, it wasn't my place. None of this was my place.

I was supposed to be the responsible one.

The adult.

The teacher.

Not a jealous elder brother.

I forced my eyes back onto the road.

No.

Those feelings are to stay exactly where they belong. Hidden, forgotten and ignored.

"Lily..." I began quietly.

She waited.

There were so many things I wanted to tell her.

I wanted to explain that I wasn't angry because she was happy. I wanted to explain that watching Lewis hug her had felt strangely unbearable. I wanted to tell her I'd thought about her far more than I should have.

I wanted to admit that every time she laughed with Lewis, I caught myself wondering what it would have been like if…

Stop.

I shut the thoughts down before they could grow any louder.

What was I doing?

This wasn't fair.

Not to Lily.

Not to Lewis.

Not even to myself.

I inhaled slowly.

Then I chose the safest sentence I could find.

"I just..." I paused. "...want everyone to do the right thing.”

Lily looked at me for several long seconds.

"You were about to say something else," she said, surprising me.

I kept my eyes on the road.

"What was it?" She asked.

"Nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing."

"It was."

She sighed. "There you go again."

I frowned.

"What?"

"You always do this."

"Do what?"

"You take one step forward and then four steps backwards."

She wasn't wrong.

Every time I got close to saying what I truly felt, I retreated.

"You start being honest,” she went on. "Then suddenly..." She mimicked pulling something back. "...you hide again."

I couldn't answer.

"Why?"

Because I'm terrified of what happens if I don't. Because once those words leave my mouth, nothing will ever be the same. Because some feelings are better buried than confessed.

Instead, I answered with the only truth I could safely give her.

"It's for our own good."

She frowned.

"Our?"

I nodded once.

"Yours. Mine. Everyone's."

"I don't understand."

"I know."

"And you're not going to explain?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because some conversations create problems that can't be undone."

She fell quiet again.

I hated the disappointment I saw in her eyes.

It would've been easier if she'd argued or gotten angry.

The silence returned.

I stole another glance at her.

She had turned toward the window now, resting her forehead lightly against the glass.

I wondered what she was thinking.

Had I pushed her too far again?

I wanted to reach across the centre console and tell her none of this was her fault. That the distance between us wasn't because she'd done something wrong.

It was because I was trying… desperately trying to do the right thing.

To protect boundaries. To protect Lewis. To protect her. To protect myself from feelings I had no business entertaining.

Sometimes doing the right thing felt suspiciously similar to doing the cruel thing. And I was beginning to wonder if there was any difference at all.

I looked back at the road and tightened my hands around the steering wheel.

Whatever happened next… Whatever this trip uncovered… Whatever secrets waited at the end of this road… One thing had become painfully clear.

The hardest battle I was fighting wasn't the fake relationships, or family complications. It was with my own heart.

And if I wasn't careful, that was the battle I was most likely to lose.