Chapter 94 — Love Is Like Cocaine

MAXIMILIANO.

The turn my life had taken in the past couple of months was nothing short of mind-blowing.

"Maxim, the windshield's bigger than the rearview mirror for a reason," Mamma would say. But part of me still couldn't believe the life I was living now.

I just turned 30. Married now. With a kid on the way. And like Adreana's pregnancy, the outrageous numbers on my latest bank statement still wouldn't sink in.

Maybe it was just unprocessed grief. Shock. Unresolved childhood traumas. Daddy issues. Or all of the above.

Maybe it was just my conscience haunting me. Or Pappa.

Did he hate me for killing him? For stealing his millions? For ruining his plans?

Probably.

Although he was a self-serving, greedy scumbag in every sense of the word, he shouldn't have died that way. He wouldn't have died that day if I didn't show up with a dangerously armed entourage.

I shot him without even flinching.

Murdered him in cold blood.

I deserved this unending torment.

***

I stared at my phone screen while I unbuckled my seat belt, checking for new messages like I'd been doing all day.

Unfortunately, the only person I needed and wanted to talk to right now didn't want anything to do with me. She didn't even reply to my work-related message an hour ago.

Shit. I had to make this right. I couldn't let an asinine fit of jealousy ruin our whole arrangement. Damage this relationship beyond repair.

I was done pretending I could keep up this "fake marriage" for another six months. It wasn't simply an arrangement at this point. Not anymore.

Nothing about this felt fake or rehearsed. We lived under the same roof. Ate the same food. Slept in the same bed every night.

Except last night. Because of that stupid fight about her ex.

But it was mostly my fault. I instigated the whole thing. And her ignoring me all night, all day, seemed to be my punishment for my insecurity-fueled digs at her the previous night.

The root cause: I found out from Nicco that Adreana received an email from her ex's best friend. A long-ass email that detailed Joachim's current status in the hospital, as well as the "accident" that put him in a coma.

What pissed me off was the fact that she kept it a secret from me for three whole months.

She never mentioned anything when I was still in rehab. Adreana didn't send a lengthy reply to the email, though. Actually her response was merely: "Thanks for letting me know. Take care."

But the fact that she kept it a secret from me was enough to stir up dark, frantic and irrationally jealous thoughts in my head all day.

Out of concern, I chose to walk out before our argument got too heated last night. I just realized she didn't really owe me an apology, now that I'd had a whole day to think about the whole issue.

Also, she didn't need any more stress to deal with. She just entered her second trimester. Nothing about our last appointment with Dr. Moretti guaranteed that it would be a 100% successful, healthy, and risk-free pregnancy.

There was still a chance Adreana could miscarry. Again. Even at this stage. Which was why I tried to convince her to work part-time for now. Render just a few hours a day. Only three to four days a week. Just until she gave birth.

Of course she didn't agree. Clearly she just loved her job way more than she valued my opinion on the matter. I didn't really care about that, though. I just wanted to get back on her good side. Convince her I didn't mean to hurt her. Prove to her that I wanted this to work out.

Now I gotta do something sweet and sincere. Anything to make it up to her. Or else I'd be dealing with another anxiety-depression loop for months. Sleeping with nothing but loneliness and self-loathing. Fucking my hand every day again until she shoved the divorce papers onto my face.

***

I found my wife in the guest room downstairs, reading an old paperback on the couch next to the windows, her phone and laptop on the nightstand.

She wore a gray pleated sundress that matched the weather. One of her favorites. Some of our coworkers still didn't know that she was already a few months pregnant. Her bulge wasn't showing yet. But the back of the dress looked uncomfortably tight on her today.

I rapped my knuckles on the door, then kept it open, my forearm pressing against the jamb. I waited for her to turn around and look at me. To no avail. "Sorry. Traffic was bad."

No response.

"You had dinner yet?" I glanced down at my wristwatch, feigning an amicable tone.

"I'm not hungry," Adreana muttered after glancing at me. Her voice sounded nasal. Strained. She must've been crying before I got here.

The thought made me wince.

She focused her attention on the book on her lap, seeming too engrossed in the novel to answer my question.

"Why? Late lunch?"

"I cooked rice, stew, and stir-fry," she droned on. "Just heat them in the microwave if you want."

Okay. Definitely still upset. Frankly, I deserved her somewhat cold-shouldering responses. I crossed my arms, took a deep breath, and let out a quick sigh. "You feel alright?"

"I'm fine."

Her mumbled reply cinched my core and made my neck and face heat up. But since I was the one who stirred up another stupid spat last night, I should be the one showing more patience than usual. "You don't wanna have dinner later? With me?"

"I still have work to do."

"Okay."

"Food's on the stove."

"Thanks." I nodded, even though she wasn't looking at me and clearly bothered that I wouldn't leave her alone. "For cooking."

"No problem," she murmured after flinging another emotionless glance in my direction.

It felt like a quick slug in the gut. I held in a sigh, the disappointment urging me to accept defeat and give her the space she wanted. "I'll be upstairs, if you need anything."

Adreana got up from the couch. "I don't. G'night."

***

I didn't say goodnight. I didn't want to leave her alone. Nor did I want to end my day with her still pissed and uncommunicative. I especially didn't want to go to bed without her sleeping next to me.

Before she could reach for her laptop on the nightstand, I hooked my arm around her from behind, pulling her to me as I sat on the the bed.

Adreana scoffed when her thighs landed on mine. “Maxim...” Her bare shoulders tensed up as she tried to push herself off of me.

With my arms around her, I turned her around to make her face me, relishing her warmth and softness. I stared into her eyes. All I could hear was her fairly strained intakes of breath and the throbs in my chest. “I'm sorry, for last night.” When she tried to get off my lap, I tightened my arm around her back, bringing our faces closer.

She smelled sweet. Heavenly. Like vanilla and something milder. It wasn't her perfume, though. Just her natural scent. She did say she'd rather not use any fragrances throughout her pregnancy.

I knew how many mommy blogs and medical articles she'd been following and studying online since Dr. Moretti confirmed Adreana's pregnancy. “I know you're busy. But can we talk first?”

“Let go,” Adreana sighed and stared at her laptop on the nightstand. “Maxim, I need to check something.”

I didn't let go of her. When she finally looked me in the eye, I raised my brow, challenging the peeved look on her face, waiting for her to give up.

She moved her face away from mine and rolled her eyes, lips pouting.

“You think I'm just gonna let this go on?”

“No.” She pushed against my shoulders. A futile attempt. Her cute nostrils flared when I didn't budge one bit.

I held her still and moved closer to the pillows. “Baby, calm down. I just wanna talk.” I used a softer, less condescending tone, hoping it would convince her that this was something necessary.

Learning how to communicate. How to compromise. Just a few of the things we needed to keep working on as a couple.

Still a rough work in progress, apparently. “Can we talk?”

“About what?” she uttered with a loud sigh.

“Last night.”

“I'm exhausted.” Adreana made a face and squirmed again, even though she knew I was almost twice her weight and at least eight inches taller. “Maxim...”

I held her firmly, her thighs spread open, the insides snug against my sides. I loved the closeness of our bodies. I basked in her sweet, familiar scent, my senses feasting on her perfection. Her flawless, supple skin, long and silky hair, beautiful heart-shaped lips I'd missed kissing...

“Tsk. I'm tired. Let go.”

“Not yet. We're still talking.”

“I'm going to bed.” Her warm ass wiggled on my crotch, her slightly bigger tits lightly pressing on my chest.

“Our bed?” I asked in a neutral tone, unwilling to let her go. I needed a straight answer from her. These stupid, petty, unnecessary fights didn't interest me anymore.

Mood swings like this reminded me of Kel. It couldn't be just hormones. Sometimes Adreana would open up about her past without even requiring much effort from my end. Some days, though, I had to fight tooth and nail just to get one honest response from her.

Amid her slightly ragged breaths, Adreana finally stopped struggling. A flare of longing replaced her look of annoyance. Her teary eyes stared into mine. Then she let out a sigh, as though it were my cue. As if she wanted to give in.

“I didn't mean to say those things last night. I'm sorry.” I eyed her. “Why're you still mad?”

“Because it's so easy for you to believe I still have feelings for him. That I'm the one always lying, keeping secrets. That I'm not a hundred percent in this.”

“I didn't say that.”

She glanced away. Tiny creases formed on her brows and forehead. “Not to my face, but, let's be real. It's not like, you wanted this, either.” She pushed herself off me, her index and thumb fumbling for the gold band on her ring finger. “It's not like you actually asked me. Properly.”

Properly asked her to marry me? “Asked you what?”

Adreana flung me a side-eye. “We didn't even plan a wedding.”

“What?”

“A church wedding.”

I almost slapped my forehead. “Because I didn't think it's something you actually wanted.”

Her blue eyes grew bigger. “You know I would've said yes if you just asked me.” Her voice got louder and faltered as if she wanted to cry.

I stared at her. Gawked at her, probably. I couldn't breathe properly. No matter how hard I tried to pretend they meant nothing to me, her words felt like searing daggers in my chest. Months-old guilt sliced into me.

Dammit. In her eyes, I might just be the dumbest, stupidest, most selfish piece of shit to ever exist.

Sighing, I cupped her face in one hand, swallowing the clod of guilt and regrets stuck in my throat. I caressed the apple of her pale cheek.

“And I know, you didn't really want to get me pregnant.”

“What?” I scoffed and stroked her chin. “I never said that.”

She grimaced. “But it's the truth.” Her voice wavered. She walked away.

“Tsk. Adreana...” I followed her determined steps as she paced by the windows. I should just carry her in my arms and take her upstairs. Back to my room. Our bedroom.

I caught her wrist before she could head towards the door, summoning whatever patience and self-restraint I had left in me. I badly wanted to lay her on the covers. Kiss her delicate neck. Feel and tease her gorgeous mouth and...

Shit. I'd been daydreaming about this. I wanted her so much my dick ached and struggled against my fly. Yet at the same time, I didn't want her to think I was taking advantage of her feelings for me. Taking advantage of her any more than I already had.

I couldn't do all the things I wanted to do to her. Not now. Not until we resolved all of our issues.

The last thing I wanted her to feel was regret. Regretful for agreeing to marry me. And disappointed because I was far from the ideal man she'd imagined as her significant other.

The father of her kids.

But then she stood in front of me again, slid her arms around me, and gently toyed with the hair above my nape. Her chest touched mine, and as our eyes talked, a rush of excitement made my core tingle.

I clenched my jaw. I wanted to kiss her. Feel her mouth on mine. I needed her so badly that I just wanted to forget about her delicate condition. I ran my fingers through her smooth hair, gauging the raw emotions in her eyes spurring me on. “If you don't think you can keep doing this with me, just tell me. Okay?”

Adreana sighed and backed away, her naturally dark brows furrowed by her frown. “What're you talking about?”

I sighed. “You know what I mean.”

“No. You're being bloody cryptic.”

“Am I?” I massaged her tensed shoulder, loving the warmth of her skin against mine.

“Stop it.”

“Fine. Sorry.” I tipped her head back just as my lips touched her neck. I smirked at her gasp. My other hand stroked her back, then came up to the underside of her breast.

I cupped the swell. It felt a little heavier. Firmer. But still perfectly round. I could imagine her breastfeeding our baby every morning. Afternoon. In the middle of the night. Whenever she could.

She was just that type of person. Self-sacrificing whenever necessary. Almost selfless to a fault.

“You feel and smell amazing, babe.” I snuck my hand under the hem of her sundress.

She arched her back when I squeezed her round ass. Her skin felt incredibly smooth. Warm. Soft but also firm.

I fondled her and gripped her thighs, hoisting her up on the bed. “Can I kiss you?” I kissed her without waiting for a reply. I wanted to feel more of her. Touch her where she wanted to feel me the most. I tasted her mouth. Teased her while her breaths warmed my face.

Her hand messed up my hair while her repressed moans filled my ear, making me want to bury myself in her hot and tight pussy.

I forced my mouth down her neck. Past her collarbone and cleavage.

The obsessive part of me wanted to claim all of her. Brand her as mine forever. I could bend her over this bed now and take her however I wanted. But it might annoy her. I needed to rein in the desperation. Maintain some semblance of control.

“D'you really have to ask?” Adreana grabbed my hand and pressed it between her legs. She felt hot. And obviously ready.

My forearm rubbed against the slight curve below her stomach, my fingers skimming the tiny hairs above her intimate parts.

She kissed me harder. She squirmed in my embrace as I carefully slid my fingertips along her wetness.

My self-control went down the drain when she dragged my hand along her drenched slit. I edged my fingers in before she could have any second thoughts. “How are you fucking soaked already?” I pecked her pinkish lips.

“You know why.” Cheeks already flushed, Adreana gripped my shoulder, her moan breathy as she pressed herself onto my groin. “Babe, please...”

“Please what?” I chuckled at the hint of desperation in her raspy voice. I pressed my mouth lightly on her soft lips, teasing her with my tongue before grazing her cheek, the sharp line of her jaw, down to her beautiful neckline. “You know I'm not gonna say no.”

“Stop talking and just fuck me.”

“How much can you take?”

She gripped my nape and drew my face closer to hers. “Ugh. You're not gonna hurt me.”

My cock stirred when she gave me a deep, thorough kiss, as if she'd been craving the taste of my mouth all day. “Did you miss this, babe?” I murmured before pushing two fingers all the way inside her.

Fuck. She felt so tight. Soft. Firm. Hot and just...

“A lot.” She gasped. “Don't stop. Don't—” She gripped my arm and tugged at my hair, keeping her legs wide open while I rubbed my fingertips on the spot where she wanted them most.

“Tell me if it hurts. Okay?”

Adreana nodded faintly and cussed under her breath, her moans growing louder, as if they were the only answer she could give me. Her soft mewls and pleading against my ear pushed me to work her into a quick orgasm.

Fast and easy. Almost too easy. I knew it happened just by the sound of her moans, the way her body tensed up, and the throbs I felt all over my fingers.

Her nails dug into my skin as her orgasm tightened around my fingers. I drew it out, keeping my middle and ring finger deep inside her, my palm rubbing against her clit as I rubbed the same spot.

“Fuck!” She clasped my wrist and stifled a loud, guttural moan before drawing her hips back. She gushed all over my hand.

“More?” I gently kissed her forehead and slowly pulled away when she nodded. I couldn't help but smirk as she tried to catch her breath, my cock growing impatient and painfully hard in my boxers. “When'd you find out you could squirt like that?”

Adreana embraced me and sat on my thighs again. “That first time,” she muttered to my cheek, giggling and avoiding my eyes as if my question embarrassed her.

I squinted at her pinkish cheeks and grinning mouth. “When?”

“First time we slept together.”

I chuckled. “No shit.”

“No bullshit.” She caressed my abs, my hip, then slowly unzipped me. Our gazes locked as she ran the tips of her fingers all over my aching length, pleasuring me and tasting my tongue.

Everything about it felt ridiculously good. “Harder, baby.” I couldn't fucking wait to be inside her. Feel her heat clenching around me. Strangling my cock again.

I might be far from the husband she wanted, but I'd give her another baby just to prove to her that I was in this for real. That we could make this work. That no other man could ever take her away from me.

I wanted this relationship to last. I needed this marriage to be real. I wanted her bound to me. Kept by me. I wanted to own every part of her and give her everything she wanted. Everything she needed.

If she wanted me to get down on my knee, propose to her, marry her again in front of our family and friends, I wouldn't hesitate. I'd gladly pay top dollar just to have it all done by tomorrow.

The mere thought didn't even faze me.