MICHELLE’S DREAM

MICHELLE’S DREAM
Michelle's Pov

I was folding laundry when Hayden came home with a stack of papers.

"What's that?" I asked.

"College course catalogs," Hayden said. "I picked them up from the community college downtown."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you mentioned wanting to go back to school," Hayden said. "Remember? You said you wanted to study psychology."

I had said that. Months ago. After meeting Sarah and the other survivors. After seeing how much therapy helped them heal. I wanted to be part of that. But I never thought it would actually happen.

"I was just talking," I said. "I have the twins. I can't go to college."

"Why not?" Hayden asked. "Other moms do it. We'll figure it out."

"Hayden I didn't even finish high school," I said. "I got my GED but that's it. I'm not smart enough for college."

"That's not true," Hayden said firmly. "You're one of the smartest people I know. You took down a billionaire criminal. You survived things that would have destroyed most people. You can handle college."

"I don't know," I said. I looked at the catalogs. They were thick and full of classes I did not understand.

"Just look through them," Hayden said. "See if anything interests you. No pressure. Just look."

That night after the twins were asleep I opened one of the catalogs. There were so many classes. English. Math. Science. History. And then I saw the psychology section.

Introduction to Psychology. Developmental Psychology. Abnormal Psychology. Trauma and Recovery.

Trauma and Recovery. That was what I wanted to learn about. How people healed from terrible things. How they rebuilt their lives.

"I found a class," I told Hayden. "Trauma and Recovery. It's on Tuesday and Thursday mornings."

"That's perfect," Hayden said. "I can watch the twins those mornings. Or we can hire a babysitter."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "This is a big commitment. What if I fail?"

"You won't fail," Hayden said. "But even if you do it's okay. Trying is what matters."

I applied to the community college the next day. They accepted me immediately. I registered for one class to start. Trauma and Recovery.

"You're really doing this," Clara said when I told her. "You're going to college."

"I guess I am," I said. "I'm terrified."

"Don't be," Clara said. "You're going to be great."

The first day of class I was so nervous I almost turned around and went home. But I made myself walk into the classroom and sit down.

The professor was a woman named Dr. Sarah Williams. She was maybe fifty with gray hair and kind eyes.

"Welcome to Trauma and Recovery," Dr. Williams said. "This class is about understanding how trauma affects the brain and body and how people can heal from it."

She talked about different types of trauma. Abuse. Neglect. Violence. Disasters. And how each person's healing journey was unique.

"There's no right way to heal," Dr. Williams said. "Some people need therapy. Some need medication. Some need time and space. The important thing is finding what works for you."

I took notes as fast as I could. Everything she said felt important. Relevant. Like she was talking directly to me.

After class Dr. Williams called me over. "You're Michelle right?"

"Yes," I said.

"I saw your enrollment form," Dr. Williams said. "You mentioned you're a survivor of domestic abuse."

"Yes," I said quietly.

"I just wanted you to know that if any of the material in this class is triggering for you you can always step out," Dr. Williams said. "Your wellbeing comes first."

"Thank you," I said. "But I think I'll be okay. I want to learn this stuff."

"Good," Dr. Williams said. "Because survivors often make the best counselors. They understand in a way others can't."

I went home feeling energized. Excited. I had learned so much in just one class and there were fifteen more weeks to go.

"How was it?" Hayden asked.

"Amazing," I said. "The professor is incredible. And the material is exactly what I wanted to learn."

"I'm so proud of you," Hayden said.

Over the next few months I threw myself into the class. I read every chapter. Did every assignment. Participated in discussions. I even got an A on my first exam.

"Look at this," I showed Hayden. "I got an A."

"Of course you did," Hayden said. "I told you that you were smart enough."

The more I learned about trauma the more I understood my own experiences. Why I reacted certain ways. Why some things triggered me. How my brain was trying to protect me even when I was safe.

"This explains so much," I told Clara. "Why I couldn't sleep. Why I was always on edge. My brain was stuck in survival mode."

"And now?" Clara asked.

"Now I'm healing," I said. "Really healing. Not just surviving but actually getting better."

At the end of the semester I got my final grade. A in the class. I had done it. I had finished college level coursework and done well.

"I'm registering for more classes next semester," I told Hayden. "Two this time. I think I can handle it."

"I know you can," Hayden said.

I registered for Introduction to Psychology and Child Development. Both classes that would help me if I decided to become a counselor.

"You're really thinking about this as a career?" Hayden asked.

"Maybe," I said. "I mean I have years of school ahead of me. But yeah. I think I want to help other survivors. Like Dr. Williams helps people."

"You would be amazing at that," Hayden said.

The next semester was harder. Two classes plus taking care of the twins. But I loved it. I loved learning. I loved feeling like I was working toward something.

"Mom is going to school," I told Hope and James even though they were too young to understand. "Mom is going to help people someday."

By the end of the year I had completed four classes. All As. I was officially a college student working toward a degree.

"How long until you finish?" Clara asked.

"Years," I admitted. "At least four. Maybe more. But I'm not in a hurry. I'm enjoying the journey."

"I'm proud of you," Clara said. "Look at how far you've come."

I thought about where I was a year ago. Running from motel to motel. Afraid for my life. Wondering if we would survive.

And now I was taking college classes. Planning a future. Building a career.